Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 20 – #PumpRules

Reunion Part 2

Ok so you all know by now that I absolutely LOVE Vanderpump Rules, right?! Well then you have to trust me when I say last night’s episode was a real bore. I love reunions on Bravo because they are usually a lot of drama-filled craziness. Although last night did have its moments the show almost felt like a recap of the season. So here are the three important take-aways of last night.

Stassi Has A Sex Tape

While the SUR crew was ganging up on Stassi she tried to defend her mean-girl behavior by actually outing herself. “Do you all really want to know why I dislike Scheana?” Stassi says. The cast all seems to know what Stassi is talking about but no one says anything in response. Andy Cohen has no idea what is going on so he asks what happened. Stassi let’s us all know that her ex-boyfriend came into SUR with a “video” and was showing it to everyone. Scheana watched it and apparently told him to sell it to TMZ. Scheana claims she never told him to sell it to TMZ but that is what Stassi heard.

Jax tattooed Stassi’s face on his arm

Yes, Jax is at it again with his idiotic tattoos. Does he not think?! This time he got some ink that he calls a “hybrid” of Stassi and Carmen tattooed on his upper arm. Andy Cohen asks to see it, so Jax shows it. “You are a straight up serial killer,” Stassi says in reaction to the tattoo.

Kristen admits she reached out to Miami Girl First

We finally get the truth behind the Miami girl situation. Kristen Doute finally admits that she was the one to reach out to Miami girl. This again started the Miami girl conversation. Tom still denies that he slept with this girl. Jax admits that he lied to Kristen about Tom sleeping with her. Jax claims that Miami girl told Jax that she slept with Tom and admits he did not actually see anything. Ariana says that sometimes she wishes Sandoval would cut Jax off as a friend because of all of Jax’s hurtful lying. Jax apologizes and admits he has gone over to their apartment crying and apologizing about the damage he has done. Tom clears it all up by announcing that he doesn’t sleep with girls while they are on their period, which Miami girl was. (Why do we now know the when Miami girl is menstruating? Thanks for clearing that up Tom.)

Aside from these three things not a lot else happens. Katie basically tears Stassi a new one the entire episode. Stassi apologizes to the cast for the things she has said about them. (She never apologizes!) We find out Katie actually did not “motor boat a D”. Tom Schwartz fakes a proposal to Katie. Kristen claims Jax is the root of everyone’s problems. And Jax sits around with a constant look of disgust on his face. (He was an absolute treat during this reunion show.)

Next week we will take a look at Vanderpump Rules from behind the scenes in the final episode of season 3 (tear). Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 18 – THE FINALE – #PumpRules

The Finale

Last night was SADLY the finale of season 3 of Vanderpump Rules. (Don’t worry, we still have three episodes to go. Thanks for letting us know Ariana!) Here are the three things that happened in last night’s finale:

1. SUR 10 Year Anniversary Photo Shoot

Once a year, for whatever reason, Lisa Vanderpump sets up a photo-shoot for the SUR staff. (I live in Normalville, USA so waiting tables at a restaurant doesn’t come with annual photo-shoots.) Lisa plans to shoot 1950’s themed pictures at The Pink Motel and the pictures look seriously AMAZING. (See pics from staff Instagram accounts below.) The girls look gorgeous in high waisted skirts, bathing suits and shorts. The men look like “greasers” as Jax describes, wearing white tees, tight pants and leather jackets. The shoot went really well. The staff looked great, except for Jax who thought he looks awesome. “I’m not going to lie, I look good. Got the Botox going. Hairs looking good.” He says of himself. In all reality, Jax looked really odd! He shaved his face which made me realize he had a larger than normal Philtrum. (That’s the area between the nose and upper lip. Yes, I had to Google it.) On top of that, he found it sexy to flare his nostrils in every picture. I found it hilarious. (See his pictures below.)

Because the shoot was going so well, in typical dysfunctional SUR family fashion Scheana decides she must royally f*&# it up for a few people. After one shoot she called Tom Sandoval over and says she needs to talk to him. She tells him about Jax’s claim that he slept with Miami girl. Tom, mad as hell, denies it and asks why Jax is lying. Scheana doesn’t know what to believe as she thinks Jax has been on an honesty kick.

Next Scheana decides it’s right to sincerely bother the mind of her best friend as she goes into hair and makeup to tell Ariana about Jax’s confession. Ariana does not believe any of it and says, “I’m not stupid. I’m smarter than every single person I’ve met in my entire life.” (IDK what that has to do with anything.) Scheana asks her if she truly thinks anything happened in Miami. Ariana looks her in the eyes and says no. Scheana tells her that she will never bother her about it again.

Thanks to Scheana’s inappropriately timed gossip, Sandoval confronts Jax after a shoot the two have together. Jax is pissed and says that he never said Tom slept with Miami girl. (LIAR! Doesn’t this remind you of the photo shoot a few years back when the two were in towels taking pictures and totally angry with one another. It reminded the producers so much so that they flashbacked to it.) Ariana hears the two fighting and invites herself into the mix and both boys start to walk away, Jax losing his cool.

Way to go Scheana, you are totally the queen of something. That something is drama! You couldn’t just keep it to yourself and tell everyone when they were separated and in private?!

Here are some pictures from the shoot:

jax

(From left to right – Katie, Jax, Scheana, Tom, Ariana.)

scheana

(From left to right – Tom, Ariana, Scheana, Jax. Katie in front.)

james

(Top, from left to right – Scheana, James, Random SUR employee, Katie. Bottom – James.)

ariana

(From left to right -Ariana, Katie.)

katie

(From left to right – Katie,  Scheana, Random SUR employee who is too nice to be on the show.)

jax1

(Back row, left to right – Tom, Ariana, Lisa Vanderpump, Scheana, Kristina, Katie, Peter. Front row, left to right – Vail, James, Jax.)

2. Stassi gets “dethroned”

Stassi shows up to SUR to meet with Lisa and to get some goat-cheese balls. (Whatever that means.) Lisa advises Stassi to make up with Katie. She tells her Katie was a good friend to her and that Katie could also use a friend. Lisa invites Stassi to come out to the 10 year anniversary party.

Everyone shows up at SUR for the party. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE — Jax, Tom Sandoval, Ariana, Tom Schwartz, Katie, Peter, Vail. James comes with Kristen, after begging Lisa to allow her to come since she is forbidden to step foot into SUR again. (How does a restaurant ban work? Did Lisa take out a restraining order on the girl?) And Kristina Kelly does the unthinkable, she actually brings STASSI!

Stassi walks in and hugs Kristen and James saying, “YOLO.” Katie, Scheana and Ariana watch from a distance in shock. They also watch as Stassi does a shot with Kristen. (Ok Stassi, SO – you are no longer friends with Katie because she went to Miami with people you didn’t like so that she could be with her boyfriend but you are going to do shots with a psychotic girl who slept with your ex-boyfriend and that is ok?! Makes PERFECT sense!) Kristina Kelly (who I never really liked, mainly because she is boring and she is not hot like she thinks she is) decides she is going to stir a pot which does not need stirred by telling Stassi, “If she had any respect for your friendship she would have gotten up, came over here and said hello.” (No need to make an irrationally angry Stassi more angry.)

Stassi walks over to Katie and asks to talk to her. They sit down in the back of the restaurant.

“Why does it have to be like this?” Stassi questions Katie.

The two talk back and forth, fighting. Stassi tells Katie that her going to Miami is no reason not to talk to one another. Katie explains that she did not make that decision and that Stassi was the one not answering phone calls or texts. The two continue to fight, getting no where.

“Katie is the host body for some Scheana loving parasite that has completely taken over her,” Stassi erratically confesses to us. (Can she please have her own show?! She is truly hilarious!)

Stassi ends up leaving the conversation with no real closure or apology. The two do not make up.

Stassi goes back to the bar and talks with Lisa. She tells Lisa that she spoke with Katie. Mid-conversation Lisa warns Stassi that Jax has just walked in. She didn’t want Stassi to be caught off-guard. Stassi literally goes into full panic-mode and basically runs out of SUR while Lisa yells for her to stop.

We see Stassi walk away from SUR and the cast wishes her farewell:

“So long Stassi being jealous of me.” – Scheana (Stop thinking so highly of yourself.)
“So long Stassi’s tiara.” – Katie
“So long Stassi’s, ‘It’s my birthday!’” – Tom Sandoval
“So long Stassi’s corny statement necklaces.” – Tom Schwartz
“So long Stassi trying to boss me around.” – Scheana

(“So long Stassi’s hilarious comments.” – Me, while crying because I love her and she is hilarious!)

Kristen goes psychotic one last time

Before heading to SUR we see James and Kristen getting ready for the party. James asks Kristen if she can promise him that this will be the last time she obsesses over Tom. Kristen agrees that this will be it.

As they walk into SUR the production crew plays a song about a “Hot Mess”. (HA! Kristen’s theme song.) Kristen greets Lisa and they talk. Lisa asks Kristen what she has learned from her firing. She also asks Kristen to not cause any problems tonight. “If Tom wasn’t a cheating, liar there wouldn’t be any problems,” Kristen says in response. “Let him go,” Lisa says also advising her to make it right with Tom and Ariana.

Sandoval, with Schwartz, tells Jax that he needs to speak to him. They head outside behind the restaurant. (The usual fighting/confronting/Jax being an ass hole spot.) Jax denies ever telling Kristen that Tom slept with Miami girl. (Again, why are you lying? It is all on camera!)

“Hi boys! How’s it going? Am I interrupting something?” Kristen says walking out of SUR and into a mess.

Kristen let’s Tom and Tom know that Jax did tell her and others from SUR that Sandoval had sex with Miami girl.

Jax loses it, “They’re still not going to like you no matter what!” Jax screams at Kristen, red-faced.

“Stop deflecting Jax,” Sandoval responds.

“You’re a liar and a cheater,” Kristen says to Tom.

“And you’re a psycho,” Tom responds. “You burn through friends like Jax burns through condoms!”

Kristen gets up and walks back into the restaurant. She heads straight over to Ariana who is sitting with Lisa and Katie.

“I’ve said everything I can to your boyfriend, and to you. Good Luck!” Kristen says and then walks away.

The three look at each other with confused looks on their faces.

In the end, Vail continues to flirt with Peter. Tom VERY dramatically asks Ariana, in front of Lisa and Katie, to move in with him. (I seriously thought he was proposing in SUR. But at the same time, I knew he wasn’t because I would have seen the ring in a million Twitter or Instagram pics.) Katie tells Tom she is growing impatient with him and he better decide over the next 6 months what he wants. Lisa plays a slide show of the SUR crew’s 10th anniversary pictures while Kristen sits around rolling her eyes and pretending to throw up. At the end, you see everyone leave the restaurant and Peter lock the place up.

THE END.

Not really! OF COURSE there are more episodes but only three more. Next week is part one of the reunion and from what Andy Cohen told us on Watch What Happens Live last night, Stassi gets beat up on, pretty badly! He said the entire cast’s mood changed when she walked in. In clips for next week you see Katie really going at Stassi calling her “selfish”.

Can’t wait to see what happens!

Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 15 – #PumpRules

For Better or Worse

The episode begins at Villa Rosa (Lisa Vanderpump’s home) where you see Scheana walk over the small bridge, past the swans, to the front door. She cannot believe it has been over a year since Shay asked for her hand in marriage here at Lisa’s home, now she is getting married! Scheana, who had a wedding budget of $30,000, has tripled her costs and is coming to Lisa to ask her to provide 300 bottles of her Sangria and some vodka for the wedding.

Across town we see Tom, Schwartz and Jax hanging out with Shay. They are going to get their haircuts for the wedding. They guys bring 40’s for Shay and you see them in the street, midday, holding paper bags in the shape of bottles.

It is finally time for the rehearsal dinner, which is at SUR (because Scheana gets her employee discount there of course). Here we see all of Scheana and Shay’s family and friends including some SUR employees. James walks in alone and we find out that Kristen is not allowed to step foot in SUR. (HA!) Tom and James sit down outside to talk together. Tom feels bad for James at this point so he decides to get real with him about Kristen. Tom warns James of Kristen and shows him text messages she has sent him about getting together over the weekend to “shoot the shit”.

The next morning we see Scheana with Ariana and Katie at the wedding site. They are going over the details of the venue and ceremony with the wedding planner, Danielle — who Scheana found on Instagram. Pandora shows up soon after with her car packed with items for the reception.

Back in LA, Kristen and James are out to eat and James tells Kristen about the conversation he had with Tom. You can tell Kristen is interested and feels flattered but she is putting on a front pretending to act confused and disgusted that Tom would want to talk to James about her. James confronts Kristen about the texts she sent to Tom. Kristen says that she was not trying to get together to hang out but that she was just trying to be friendly. Then she turns back into her delusional self as she tells James that it is funny Tom thinks she is obsessed with his life because clearly he is obsessed with her life.

It is the night before the wedding and Scheana is sitting in a room with all of her bridesmaids, her mother and Katie. (Why is Katie there? I am not sure but whatever.) Scheana has gifts for all of her bridesmaids – custom wine glasses painted to look like each girl with boobs sticking out of them. The girls are going to drink out of these at the wedding. (CLASSY! You know how Scheana does, all class all the time. That’s what I would want at my wedding reception, wine glasses with boobs sticking out of them.) Scheana doesn’t leave Katie out either, “Just because you are not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you don’t get anything,” she says to Katie. Scheana hands her a red Solo cup wine glass with ‘Katie’ written on it and a bottle of tequila. Katie is happy, smiling and laughing. In front of the rest of the girls, the two talk about how far they have come. Katie talks about the mean things she has said to Scheana and Scheana recalls names she has called Katie. They laugh over it. (Although I am not Scheana’s biggest fan she is starting to grow on me. She is annoying but she is a good friend and she forgives. She and Katie have really come a long way. Katie looks so happy here, like genuinely happy. I have always loved Katie but she has looked miserable for some time and I started to wonder about her. I am really glad for her new friendship with Scheana and Ariana because I do believe they are great friends. Although I love Stassi, I think Stassi was not always good for Katie. Katie always put in more effort and was not getting the same in return. I am really happy to see her so happy here. Go Katie!)

The night is coming to a close and the girls are getting ready for bed. Tomorrow is the big day! It is Scheana’s last night as a single woman so she decides she is going to spend the night with Ariana. Scheana climbs into bed with those HUGE ass glasses that she kept wearing last season. (What is she trying to see into with those Coke bottle glasses? Next week?!) She kisses Ariana and they turn the lights out.

It is finally wedding day and we see the girls getting ready. (They have four hours to get their hair and makeup done.) Mid-hair style, Scheana realizes that she left Shay’s wedding gift in her room at home (which is only about 30 minutes away). Scheana is in full panic mode. (It is really not that big of a deal. Shay is the nicest guy, he totally would have understood if you gave it to him later.) Scheana has gotten Shay a book of boudoir photos she took. She wants him to remember what she looked like on their wedding day because she is planning to not look that great after having a few kids. In curlers, she calls Jax, desperate for him to answer. The phone goes to voice-mail. Who else is back in LA? Kristen! She calls her in a hurry and Kristen comes through. She is going to pick up the gift and deliver it to Scheana. Ariana is not thrilled about this but Scheana has no choice. Kristen shows up and stays to get her makeup done. Bridesmaids are asking a very uncomfortable Ariana if she is ok.

The guests begin to show up for the ceremony which is located outside, overlooking mountains. (It is an absolutely stunning view.) We see Vail show up, Schwartz and Katie, Peter, Kristen and James and Jax and Carmen. (Don’t worry, Carmen and Jax are not there together as dates.) Lisa and Ken walk in later and Lisa is impressed with the amazing job Scheana has done pulling all of this together. With everyone there, Jax asks, “Who is working at SUR?” He jokes around about SUR being closed for the wedding.

Shay is with Tom Sandoval and the rest of the groomsmen in their suite getting ready. Tom is taking an extra-long time to finish his hair up. “Don’t make eye contact while he is doing his hair!” Shay says to his other groomsmen. Clearly Tom is the last to finish his look for the event. He lets us know that he may be a slight pain in the ass but the pictures are going to be around forever so he has to make sure that he looks good in them.

In the meantime, Scheana is ready to walk out and begins her way downstairs. She looks at the stage and notices that the guys are not up there yet. Scheana turns into a bridezilla and starts for freak out. “I’m not zen anymore!” She yells. (Really, you are not ‘zen’ anymore?! Get a life! Who says that?! No one goes through life totally ‘zen’ and you can be a few minutes late, it is YOUR wedding! Calm down!)

The time is 6:20PM and the wedding was set to begin at 6:00. People start to look around and wonder what is going on. Minutes later the men begin to walk out. Shay looks absolutely amazing in the jacket Tom Sandoval got for him. His groomsmen walk out, one going up to Shay and performing his secret handshake. We also see Tom Sandoval walking out with girlfriend and bridesmaid, Ariana. That image makes Kristen want to barf but Lisa Vanderpump is thrilled to see them and comments that they should be next.

Everyone is on stage and ready. The singer begins to sing. The crowd stands. And stands. AND STANDS. Where is the bride? Where is Scheana Marie? “Did she change her mind?” Lisa Vanderpump asks. NOPE! Scheana Marie is backstage acting like a little psycho diva bitch. Someone cued the singer to start and little Miss Scheana was not ready to walk out. So instead of just walking out, Scheana waits for the singer (who also works at SUR) to completely finish the song then making her begin the same song again. (All the while bitching out her wedding planner. Scheana, Instagram is not a site to hire wedding planners. You did this to yourself!) This time, out walks Scheana Marie looking absolutely gorgeous. (I am not a fan of her dress but the dress was so her! Her hair and make-up were perfect!) “She looks like a crop top bride angel. She looks breathtaking!” Katie says. (So cute, ‘crop top bride angel’!)

We watch as Scheana and Shay get married and it was really a beautiful scene. The two are so happy and they are loved by all of their 300 guests.

On the next episode of Vanderpump Rules – We see Tom and Katie sharing a moment alone at the wedding. Tom confesses to us that he could imagine himself up there on that stage getting married. He has a small gift for Katie. Scheana is all bent out of shape because all of the songs she wanted to dance to have already been played (she must have missed them, boo hoo!). Kristina and Stassi sit around making fun of Scheana’s crop top wedding dress. James flies off the handle at the reception and Kristen tells him they are done. (I cannot explain to you how excited I am to see this episode!)

Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 14 – #PumpRules

Judgement Day

In last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules we all are dealing with the aftermath of Miami girl. The show starts at Villa Rosa, Lisa Vanderpump’s home (Yes, her home has a name. I wish my little apartment in the downtown trash section of Baltimore was so FAB!) Lisa is home with Ken as daughter, Pandora and son-in-law, Jason show up for Ken’s birthday. Adopted son and SUR employee, Max joins as well. They sit at a table and have dinner discussing Kristen. Lisa talks about having an allegiance to Kristen because she has worked there for seven years. (Come on Lisa, we know you hate Kristen. You have only kept her around because she is great television.) Pandora tells Lisa that she must make a decision. Max points out how different James has become since he has started dating Kristen.

Over at some pool-bar Kristen and James are hanging out with Jax and Carmen. Carmen tells Jax to slow down on the booze and a sensitive Jax takes offense to it. He tells her that some of the things she says to him are hurtful. Carmen gets real with him and reminds him of how many girls he talks to while they are together. Jax denies this and tells her to look through his phone. She won’t do it because she is somewhat normal and sane however, her insane pal, Kristen, jumps at the opportunity. Kristen takes the phone and almost instantly has a look of surprise on her face. Jax suddenly thinking, “Uh oh,” but in a way that seemed fake, like he wanted her to find something. Knowing Jax you immediately think it is something about a girl he is talking to as he tries to get the phone back saying, “Actually you shouldn’t be reading that.” This time it wasn’t another girl he was talking to, it was Tom Schwartz. (How convenient, outing Schwartz’s mistake to the craziest girl at SUR. What a nice BFF Jax is!) “Whoops,” he says.

At a bar in which the main entry is filled with hundreds of door knobs, we see Katie with the two Tom’s. Pull the right knob to get into the bar, Katie explains as Schwartz gets in with the first knob he pulls. They walk into the bar and sit down. Scheana and Shay follow shortly after. (Genius Scheana had a hard time getting in.) Tom Sandoval talks about how he has gotten no sleep recently because of the Miami girl incident. Scheana comes in being the Bridezilla she is, talking about her wedding. (We are all still annoyed that a girl who aided in breaking up someone else’s marriage, Scheana, is getting married to such a nice guy.) She tells us, “I am literally pulling off my dream wedding on a waitress budget.” (#Winning – Scheana no one cares.) While hanging out, Schwartz gets a text from Jax. Jax explains that Kristen went through his phone and read the texts about what he did while in Vegas. In fear that Katie will hear from someone else, anxiety-ridden Schwartz tells Katie he needs to talk to her and they leave the table. He explains that while in Vegas for a guy’s trip, he got drunk and made out with another girl. He said he was unsure of their relationship at the time. An obviously upset Katie is angry saying if she was unsure of the relationship she wouldn’t have gone and made out with another guy. She said it was not the right time to talk about this and heads back to the table without shedding a tear, even though you could see she wanted to. (Katie is really strong here and I commend her for keeping it to herself instead of starting a big drama at the table with everyone else.)

When Katie and Schwartz return home their dog is excited to see them but you can see a black cloud forming inside the apartment. Katie is upset and they talk about the situation. Tom apologizes for the timing. Katie explains that she lets him go on these trips and says, “I was over here sitting on the couch…”

Tom interrupts, “Motor-boating a D!”

(Silence.)

“I know. Bad joke,” Schwartz replies. (I am sorry but I lost it at that point. That is hilarious but if I were Katie I would have been livid.)

She asks if anything else happened saying if he doesn’t tell her now, she will eventually find out. Tom says there may have been touching but nothing else. He said he talked to the girl the next day via text and explained he was drunk, didn’t know what was happening and had a girlfriend. He asked her what happened and the girl said it was fine and that they only made out. Katie wanted to see the text but Schwartz had deleted them, just like Jax would have she implies.

The next day at SUR, Scheana is telling Ariana about Schwartz cheating. Ariana explains that Tom Sandoval has told her that Jax makes attempts to get Schwartz to cheat on Katie. Ariana said that Jax will get Schwartz drunk and then force his and a drunk girls head together trying to get them to kiss. (Jax is a total ass hole so I totally believe this.)

Curling her hair at James house, we see Kristen preparing for her first day back to work at SUR after the Miami girl incident a few days ago. She is talking to James worried, even though she is acting like she is not, about what may occur at work today.

Lisa walks in to SUR with Ken and sits down at a table with business partners Natalie and Guillermo, as well as Diana, the manager Kristen flipped out on last episode. They are about to meet with Kristen. Kristen comes into the meeting SO HOT as she says, “End of the table? How did I get so lucky?” (Why would you act like a sarcastic bitch coming into a meeting with all of your bosses after the way you treated a manager just days ago? …Because you are Kristen Doute.) At this point Lisa tells Ken and Guillermo they can leave and she will handle this. Natalie and Diana stay. Lisa says that she doesn’t care that Kristen orchestrated the situation with Miami girl, she cares that Kristen planned for it to go down in her restaurant. Kristen denies that she put the plan together. (No one in the world believes that.) Lisa goes on to say that not only did she make a scene that day with Miami girl but that she also disrespected a manager. Kristen explains, “ That was probably the best it could have gone!” (Really?! Telling your boss to, “Walk the f*** away,” and to, “S*** a d***,” was the best it could have gone?! Wow!) Kristen explained it wasn’t her fault because the girl reached out to her. Lisa then hits her with something that should have been done long ago, “Kristen you are fired from SUR restaurant.”

Kristen walks outs without saying anything to anyone. Jax is sitting outside and is surprised when he sees her walking out. His reaction to the firing, “This is a good change for Kristen to pick herself up, dust herself off and go f*** up someone else’s restaurant.” (Jax is an ass hole but I do love him because that is HILARIOUS!) We then see Tom Sandoval completely freaking out in his confessional with excitement about the firing. The cameras are then back in SUR where he tells Ariana. They then cut to a confessional of her as she dances and sings a little song. Two cooks in the back of SUR high five each other and laugh. Scheana (who I thought was her friend) dances around and Katie does too. Jax closes out the confessional celebrations with a slow clap. All happy about the move Lisa makes.

Now we are at Dylan’s Candy Bar where Scheana and Shay are with Tom Sandoval and Ariana. They are picking out pink, gold and white candy for their wedding. Scheana knows the owner and he is going to give them a discount. Scheana whines the entire time about Kristen. She worries Kristen’s behavior will ruin her wedding. (She needs to stop complaining about this, we have heard about it the five episodes. If you are worried, un-invite her ass so we don’t have to hear about it.)

Back at James’s, Kristen is sitting in bed in a dress texting Rachel who is coming over, while James pretends to make beats on his computer. Rachel shows up with champagne. Kristen says they are having a “retirement party” and explains that although worried about not having a job, today is all about “getting pissy on the crissy”. (Yeah!) Kristen tells Rachel about the firing and says that, “Lisa and SUR can suck it.”

Surprising to me, we see Katie and Christina (you know, the obnoxiously skinny one who is best friends with Stassi) out to eat. Katie tells her about Kristen’s firing. They also talk about Schwartz cheating and about Stassi but nothing new or important is said.

At the end of the episode Schwartz shows up at Jax’s house. Jax is sitting on the couch with a lit candle watching his mobile app on TV. Schwartz walks in and he sees Jax watching himself run in place on TV. Jax explains, “That’s me running from my ex-girlfriends.” (Oh Jax, you are so funny. Ha. Ha. HA. Lame.) At this point I don’t know if Schwartz is drunk or what, but he seems to have grown a set of balls as he goes off on Jax. “It takes a lot of courage to throw your best friends under the bus.” He explains that he has been hearing rumors about himself non-stop and that he knows Jax told Kristen. Jax responds, “I’m not sorry,” and explains this is not his fault. He says he is tired of being the “liar” and “cover-up” for everyone. Tom responds by telling Jax, “I bend over backwards for you,” during the entire San Diego fiasco. Schwartz says there has been a “pattern” of Jax trying to “sabotage” his relationship with Katie. He then says that Jax has even been trying to keep this Miami girl situation alive with Tom Sandoval. (Bro-code, dude!) And the show ends.

After the show, Bravo had an after show called Vanderpump Rules – Last Call with host, Aliya-Jasmine. (Who is Aliya-Jasmine you ask? Me too. So I looked her up. She is actually Aliya-Jasmine “AJ” Sovani and she is a television personality and producer. She has a popular blog called He Suits, He Scores and is an expert in all things pop culture and sports. Hm…sounds familiar…) She sat down first with Kristen, then with Tom and Ariana and lastly with Lisa Vanderpump. (As someone who loves this show I was excited to see this but it was actually rather boring.) Here are the takeaways:

  • Kristen still denies setting up the Miami girl situation – Kristen said she knew that Miami girl was coming to LA because Miami girl texted her asking to sit down and talk. She said that Miami girl wanted to confront Tom. Kristen told Miami girl that she would be at SUR that night with her friend Rachel to have drinks for Rachel’s birthday. She told Miami girl that she could stop by if she would like and she also told Miami girl that Tom would be working.
  • Jax carries around a fake black AMEX– Random VPR fact of the day. He does this to impress girls. (Jax we all know you are a bartender, calm down.)
  • The stars of the show really work at SUR – In case you didn’t already know this. (I have been to SUR several times and have seen everyone from the show working there. Except Jax and Ariana, I have not seen them yet.) Lisa, Tom and Ariana all talk about how accessible they are to fans of the show. Aliya asks if situations like the Miami girl one happen often at SUR. Lisa says no but that people come in to see the cast all the time. (Duh! I mean that is the entire reason I went to SUR. I was surprised that the food was decently priced and it was actually good, like REALLY good!) Lisa explains that this is the “nature of the beast” and that a lot of people come in excited to meet everyone because they love the cast. (That is what I have seen. Everytime I have been there people take pictures with them. I must say, they are all SUPER NICE about it. From my personal experience, in case anyone is wondering, Katie and Peter are both pretty quiet. Kristen looked so angry the time I was in there that I was afraid to approach her. Stassi was SUPER NICE and smiley and willing to take pictures with people, I actually REALLY liked her a lot, and she is SO skinny in person! But my favorite, Tom Sandoval. This kid made my entire trip to LA worth it as he talked my ear off about the show. I asked him question after question and he worked away behind the bar answering every question. He was so sweet, he was so kind and because of that he has turned into my favorite. In person Tom is exactly like he is in the show, but he is a good guy. I am happy for him that he is so happy with Ariana. Here is a pic of me and Tom at SUR: )

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  • Lisa believes Miami girl – Yes! I cannot believe that. She said that a girl wouldn’t fly across the country and publicly claim that she slept with a guy if she didn’t. (Lisa, are you forgetting there are crazy people in the world, like KRISTEN?! Miami girl could just be another crazy who just wants some TV time.) She said she wants to believe Tom but she doesn’t. She goes on to say that she thinks Ariana gives Tom a lot of passes.

Next week we get to finally see Scheana’s wedding. In true Scheana fashion, it looks as though she is being a diva about everything.

Until next time…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.