The Eeny Meeny Miny Moe Finale
Everyone’s asking the same question. Can Chris live on a farm in the middle of nowhere with that voice?
We all love her–Whitney–but we don’t know if Chris can take her is-your-mommy-home voice. Plus, we love Becca. She’s our front-running closet virgin. So we were anxiously awaiting Chris’s decision on the Finale. He had two great girls and couldn’t really go wrong. Here’s what happened:
Whitney’s home town
There’s no other way to say this. Whitney hits a home run. She brings flowers and admits in a tearful toast to Chris’s family that she loves him. His parents fall in love with her. His siblings adore her.
When she talks to family members alone, we even get a little teary eyed. She tells Chris’s mom she has raised an amazing man. His mom asks if she thinks she is in love with him. Whitney says she doesn’t think she is in love with him, she knows she is. Mom opens her arms and hugs her. Even dad has tears in his eyes when it’s his turn to talk to her.
Quickly Chris’s family gathers that Whitney is all in and asks Chris if he has any reservations about her. (That voice maybe?) He says that he has feelings for Becca, too. He begins talking about Becca so much that we try to remember if any other bachelor ever talked this much about a bachelorette that he wasn’t on a date with at the time. (Bad sign.)
Chris’s sister Lori says Whitney fits in but when Chris talks about Becca, he’s defensive. To her that’s a red flag. She doesn’t want him to get hurt.
Clearly the family loves Whitney. But Chris says he can’t have a serious conversation with them until they’ve met Becca. He feels strongly about both of them. His brother, Jason, asks if he likes Becca because she is that girl at the bar that nobody can talk to. He says Chris is 50/50. He hasn’t made up his mind, and that is highly unfortunate.
We’ll have to keep an open mind, his family says, start with a clean slate. (Because Whitney literally hit it out of the park.)
Becca arrives looking lovely. But—odd—her shirt is unbuttoned and her bra is showing. (Not virginy.)
Still, it goes well. She wins them over, too. (Not the dog—he high tails it.) But when they sit to chat without Chris, Becca admits she isn’t sure she loves him. Isn’t sure about Arlington. She’s falling in love with him. But she’s scared. She’s not where she’s supposed to be so will he chose Whitney?
After talking to his sisters, Becca questions how a long distance relationship will be, and she cries when she talks to Mama Soule. Every time Becca says something nice about Chris, Mama Soule says that’s love, and we get the feeling Mama’s trying to convince her she’s in love. In the end, Mama Soule says she really didn’t think anyone could compare to Whitney but, really, these are two wonderful girls.
Then it happens—a possible blunder (if Whitney wins). Dad says Whitney is the sure thing, but he thinks Becca is who Chris wants. (Gasp!)
Chris shows up at Becca’s room at the Hotel Julian. They kiss and she asks how he feels. He asks how she feels and each awkwardly explains their almost love for each other. Chris wants everything Becca can give him. (Huh?) She’s struggling. He’s struggling. Becca mentions the fact that she’s not there yet and that could hurt her. Chris asks if she can see any future with him? Could she see herself in Arlington? And Becca is so honest it’s frightening. She’s not sure of anything.
Why doesn’t she feel like she is in love, he asks? She wants to give an honest answer but she just doesn’t know. Then she asks (cringe) what would she do in Arlington? What if it’s not for her? (Hope dwindles.)
Whitney arrives in Arlington. (Wait. She gets a real date?) She runs to him and says it’s nipply out. (Nipply?)
Chris tells her she is going to help him pick corn, and Whitney says she’s excited. (How come the closet-virgin didn’t get to pick corn?) She sounds pretty confident. She meets his dad again, and the three of them ride in the plow harvesting corn. She thinks it’s amazing. (C’mon.) She loves seeing Chris in his happy place. This could be her future for a long, long, long, long time.
I own 800 acres, he tells her (cha ching). Then he takes her to his house (cha double ching) out in no man’s land, and she loves it. She feels safe, peace, comfort. She’s with the guy she loves. They toast the time they’ve had together.
Next you see Chris knocking on her hotel door. (This is where Becca’s date began so things aren’t looking too good for our front runner.) She tells him that seeing him in his element was great. Nothing about it seemed shocking. She likes the simple life. She loves being domestic. (Overkill.) He says she could get some dirt on these little pink hands. (Gag.)
She leads him to the bedroom for a chat. She wants everything out on the table, she says and for a moment we think she’s going to throw him back on the bed. But she doesn’t. She talks sweet. Tells him she’s scared. She loves him. But she’s doing all the talking. He’s quiet. He smiles but still looks sad. She continues. Blah, blah, blah, blah mushy-blah.
Finally he speaks. What you just said is something that I reciprocate, he says, I feel the same way. No matter what happens I feel that as well. (Iowa sweet talk.) I am excited about you.
He kisses her. And I’m sorry. Maybe I just like our front-runner girl too much, but I get the impression that Chris wants to love Whitney but doesn’t. He leaves. Whitney cries and says she hopes this is just the beginning.
The Barn Proposal (Really?)
You can dress that place up with all the candles you want, it’s still a barn. And its cold. Chris says he’s going with his gut and hoping for the best. (Later Jimmy Kimmel will say it was the hardest game of eeny meeny miny moe Chris ever played.)
Chris says it hurts to make this decision. Breaking up with someone who he feels he is falling in love with is awful. It’s a decision he doesn’t want to make. He didn’t realize how hard this moment was going to be. He was waiting for a sign. But he didn’t get one.
Becca Pulls up in the Limo
We pretty much know what’s coming. When Becca steps out of the limo, we know they’re not trying to trick us like they do some seasons. Becca’s first. He’s letting her go.
Chris holds Becca’s hands and says he could see himself married to her. He utters sweet words. But she’s not ready. She realizes he isn’t picking her. She’s pretty good. Actually she’s more than pretty good. We’ve been open and honest, she says, and there’s no way she could respect him more. (We told you this chic was too good for this show.) She says he will make an incredible husband. She sheds a few tears, but she’s ok. He hugs her.
In the car, Becca sighs. Says she feels like she is in shock. She can’t process it. Part of her thinks he is in love with her. (So do we.) She just wasn’t there yet. She hopes someday she falls in love but questions if it didn’t happen with Chris could it happen at all? She hopes she doesn’t wake up and realize she was in love with him the whole time. She doesn’t cry. (Woohoo!)
Whitney Pulls Up in the Limo
She walks into the barn in a beautiful gown and climbs the wood plank stairs. They kiss. Hold hands. She talks first. Says sweet things. Her is-your-mommy-home voice is shaking. She tells him she loves him. She is scared.
He says sweet things back. Talks about all the fun they had—crashing the wedding, bringing her home to Arlington. It feels perfect. He loves her.
She’s been waiting so long to hear this. (We want to get a little teary eyed like we did when Whitney met Chris’s family, but we don’t.)
He kneels down and asks her to marry him. She says yes. She is the luckiest girl in the world. Chris gives her the final rose. Everything is wonderful. Chris says it’s perfect. They sit in the barn door loft kissing and gazing out over—well—nothing. (Later Jimmy Kimmel will say Muppet voice won but would be forced to live in a bleak, uninhibited town.)
So Athletchic’s front-runner has lost but the girl Chris selected is sweet, kind and, despite her voice, we can’t help but feel it wasn’t a bad choice.
Still….we come away…..wondering…did he settle?
After the Final Rose
Evidently, Chris Harrison feels the same. He tries to draw drama out of Chris Soules but to no avail. If Becca had said she loved him, would he have picked her? Would the outcome have changed? Chris doesn’t bite. He says he won’t look back. He’s happy and waiting to move forward with Whitney.
But before they bring her out, it is the dreaded runner-up reunion.
Chris and Becca
Becca looks gorgeous. She says it was difficult to watch the end. Chris bobs up and down in agreement. They chat. Becca is so sane, grounded, level-headed that even she alludes to the question on everyone’s mind—why did she even go on this show?
Harrison asks Soules if it was a lost cause from the start between them? And Chris stutters, stammers, then says no. They had a great run. They both came away stronger. Chris is hopeful for both their futures.
Becca leaves. Chris says he has no regrets after seeing her, and they call for Whitney.
Whitney and Chris
I love him more than anything, Whitney says. Chris says he loves her, too. She’s gorgeous inside and out, and she’s like his sisters (creepy). He mentions how much his family loved her and Whitney admits she didn’t watch the entire show—only her dates. (Good because your future father-in-law said Chris really wanted Becca.)
They show a clip of the last show. Chris’s parents. Hugging. And Momma Soules talking grandkids.
The entire after show is so quiet and mundane, that Chris Harrison has to turn to the audience and talk to Ashley S. He asks again if she’ll be on the Bachelor in Paradise and finally, she agrees. (Sorta.)
Next, Jimmy Kimmel shows up with a gift for the happy couple—a cow he’s named Juan Pablo. He mentions Onion Ashley thinks she is on the Price is Right, gets Whitney and Chris to admit they have been making love as often as possible (TMI), and we happily celebrate the end.
Except! (Drum role.)
The next bachelorette will be…………………..Shower-shy Brit AND Not-a-virgin Kaitlyn. For the first time in Bachelor history, there will be two bachelorettes (not feelin’ it). Apparently bachelor nation was split between the two (sure), and they couldn’t decide.
Athletchic clicks the remote and goes to bed broken hearted. We like neither girl. We were hoping for Becca.
_________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.