REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 7 -#THEBACHELOR

Athletchicz is storming mad because Ben sent ImBECCable Becca home. We have an idea why. Here’s our opinion on the night:

Ben brings six girls home to Warsaw, Indiana—six nice girls—but the nicest is Becca.

He rides in on a pontoon boat, takes the girls out on a lake, and later asks LB (of course) out on a date in front of the other girls. Athletchic loves Measly-mouthed little LB, but we wanted him to ask Becca. Here’s:

The Warsaw No-Rose One-on-One Date

He drives around in his red truck showing LB where he grew up. They stop at the Baker Youth Club where he use to work, and producers bring in Paul George and George Hill from the Indiana Pacers because kids aren’t Bachelor fans. Measly-mouth is lovable. Later he takes her to his apartment, and they hold hands and drink wine. She talks about his lame accusation last week that she acts differently when he’s not around.

She tells him she was concerned that he listened to what someone else said about her and couldn’t defend herself.  They talk it out, kiss, make up and go to a hometown bar to meet Ben’s friends. We move on to the next date disappointed, feeling like the other Bachelorettes are right. He likes LB best:

The One-on-One No-Rose NoJo Date

Ben meets NoJo at Wrigley Field where Cubs’ shirts, tagged Mr. and Mrs. Higgins on back, are awaiting them. Ben admits he’s a big Cubs fan. They take turns at bat, and Ben hits more like a girl than Nojo. (My husband’s words.) They get along great. Ben says there’s passion. They have dinner on the field. NoJo says she’s a little insecure. He reassures her and yada, yada, here’s the thing: Nojo is nice but we like Becca. So we are on to:

The Becca-Caila-Mommy Group Date

I’m going to shorten this because I’m flipping mad. It’s not a fun group date. He doles out alone time to each girl. Mommy says she wants him to meet her girls in her squeaky voice even though she just told the camera she wasn’t sure she wanted him to meet them. Don’t-know-if-she-likes-Ben Caila cries that she’s not part of a big group like Ben. And Becca says please don’t blind side me.

Mommy Amanda gets the night’s only rose, and Ben sends Becca and Don’t-know Caila back to the house. Athletchic is so mad that we don’t watch the rest of the date.phonto (9)

Here’s our opinion: First, Athletchic feels if Ben isn’t 99% sure he is going to pick Amanda in the end, then taking her home to meet her two little girls is just downright selfish. Period.

Second, Amanda is a replica of LB. Tiny, little, submissive blonde and Athletchic is beginning to feel Ben is so insecure he will only pick an insecure partner. And he’s three for three:  LB, Nojo and Mommy Amanda. See the pattern? Onward:

The Oh-My-Gosh-He’s-Actually-Taking-TwinEm-Home Date

Yep, he takes TwinEm home. This was another shocker. TwinEm is adorable and again, we love her too, but clearly she is too young for this show. Producers only selected her because she and her twin are beautiful, but they forgot to tell Ben.

She meets the fam. Tells his mother she wants to be a cheerleader and his father that she doesn’t like vegetables. Momma Higgins cries and Ben sends TwinEm and her beautifully-blue, teary eyes home.

We are on to the:

Worst-Rose-Ceremony-in-Bachelor-History  

Ben goes ahead with the rose ceremony. Becca doesn’t get a rose. And there is only one question left to ask:

What do you not understand about the word blindside, Ben?

Hope you are feeling good about yourself, Ben, but Athletchic is broken hearted. Prince Charming reduced to a toad.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and NO LONGER a The Bachelor fan. Follow her on Twitter @tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchicz.

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 6 -#THEBACHELOR

If you missed it, you missed the best send off in Bachelor history! Oleevia goes HOME. Applauds from Bachelor Nation can be heard around the world. Ok well at least around the country.

Last week’s cliff hanger had us hoping Oleevia was going home but fairly certain she wasn’t. And Ben didn’t send her away at that rose ceremony. Here’s how the big night went:

The Rose Ceremony

Ben pulls Oleevia aside and confronts her about her Ms. Jekyll (in front of Ben) and Ms. Hyde (in front of the girls) personality. She temporarily redeems herself by blaming all her idiosyncrasies on the jealousy of the other girls. She says they are into painting their nails, and she is into reading books and “talking smart things.” (Ok Einstein.)  She even squeezes out a few tears, so Ben brings her back to the ceremony, rose in hand.

The other girls sigh as they realize she isn’t going home. And then Oleevia flaunts her staying power at her interview by saying the other girls tried to trip her up, but she welcomes the competition.  She says, “Come at me bro,” and Bachelor Nation cringes.

Then the roses go to: Caila, LB, Nojo, Imbeccable Becca, What-am-I-doing-here Leah, and TwinEm. Still-don’t-know-who-she-is Jen goes home, and we are on to the first date.

The I-Don’t-Know-if-She-Loves-Me-or-Loves-Me-Not, One-on-One Date

There is no other way to put it. We have no clue if Caila likes Ben.

It begins with a great boat ride. They jump in the water and Ben kisses Caila, but she’s not all in (replay it, she wasn’t). Ben says he has only seen the fun and smiling Caila and wants to know the deep Caila.

Caila sounds confused that she received a second one-on-one date and admits some of the other girls were upset. Ben says who, but she won’t tell. (Smart.)Then at the evening date, it gets so confusing that we have to replay it only to become even more confused.  She says she feels like she loves him but her greatest fear is she can’t fall in love and she is afraid she might hurt him. (Huh?) After that, well, go back and listen to it yourself because she did a song and dance and Ben gave her the rose, but we still aren’t sure whether she likes him or just wanted to finish out the vacation in the Bahamas.

On to the:

The Swim-with-the-Pigs Group Date

LB, Imbeccable Becca, Nojo, I’m-a-mommy Amanda, Kinderlauren and Leah go to swim with the pigs. Weird. Awkward. We are fairly certain producers are clamoring for group date ideas. Becca‘s afraid. Nojo gets pig-chased and nearly mauled, the girls squeal louder than the pigs, and Ben slips away, a little too long, with LB.

He spends so much time with her that he ruins the group date. I’m-not-sure-why-I’m-still-here Leah breaks down completely, and Ben pulls Becca away to try and find out what went wrong and how he can patch it up. She’s kind. Says its hard. He reassures her. Kisses her. Says he wants to be fair and then takes a turn kissing and reassuring all of the other girls, so everyone wonders who the heck he is going to send home at this week’s rose ceremony.

Then the mistake that sends girls home season after season occurs. Leah throws LB under the bus—big time. Later, when LB is crying, Leah lies and says it wasn’t her. The girls console LB. Ben gives Mommy Amanda the rose and then walks off ignoring LB’s teary-eyed stare. We think it is over.

Not.

Back at the hotel, the girls figure out Leah bad mouthed LB. But they don’t confront her because she takes off to Ben’s room and asks how he is doing. She says she wouldn’t use her time to talk about someone else and that she doesn’t want to throw LB under the bus. Then she shoves her, kicks her, gets in the bus and drives back and forth over her until LB is unrecognizable. But the bus backfires. (Do these girls not watch prior seasons?) He sends her home, and we are thankful because we cannot take a second bachelorette as wicked as Come-at-me-bro Oleevia. Which brings us to our next date:

The Two-on-One Oleevia-Versus-TwinEm Date

They boat through rough seas to an island. Right away, Ben steals Oleevia for alone time and she says: My love is growing. I feel good. I’m an introvert. At peace with myself. Grounded. In tune with my body. Intimidating. I am who I am. Deep. I like intellectual “things” (go-to noun). Like what?  Ben asks, looking confused. Then she breaks out the L word and he seems to fall for it.

Next Ben takes TwinEm for alone time. She looks gorgeous: hair cascading, blue eyes shining. Cute, fun Em materializes and Ben says he wants to get to know her but  when he takes her back, he picks up the rose and asks Oleevia if he can talk to her.

That’s when it happens. The BEST SEND OFF ever. He tells her he’s sending her home, leaves and producers make her stand on the rocky edge of the island crying while Ben goes back, gives the rose to Em and boats away with her. The camera drifts away and we watch Oh-no-I’m-going-home Oleevia stand motionless amid the raging seas. She’s aghast, appalled, sobbing, repenting, crying and honestly I can’t even describe how desolate and forlorn it was—it was so humiliating that even Athletchic felt bad for her.

However, we did move happily on to:

The Rose Ceremony

Here’s the thing. There are only nice girls left now. Chris Harrison comes in (always bad news) and says Ben doesn’t want a party. He knows what he is going to do. He enters looking sheepish, hands out the roses to Imbeccable Becca, Nojo and LB, and Kinderlauren goes home.IMG_6888

Then producers flash glimpses of future scenes. Ben’s crying because he is in love with two women and we are sure he is because, maybe for the first time ever, a Bachelor has gotten it right. He’s kept the nice girls.

Ben—boring but beautiful.

Can’t wait for next week. GO BECCA!

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor enthusiast. Follow her The Bachelor tweets on Twitter @tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchic.com.

 

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR -SEASON 20, EPISODE 5 -#THEBACHELOR

GI Jubilee goes home, Oh-please-leave Olivia gets a rose and the others throw their vulnerability cards on the table.  If you didn’t tune in last night, that’s what you missed.

The drama opens with the girls arriving in Mexico. Oleavia toasts love, insists Ben doesn’t validate the other girls like he does her (huh?), and says she and Ben have a love language. She’s sure she’s getting a one-on-one date, but then has to pout in the corner when I’m-a-mommy Amanda gets the date.

The Put-All-the-Eggs-in-One-Basket, Like, One-on-One Date

Ben pops in on the girls at 4:30 in the morning looking for Amanda. She has 15 minutes to get ready. But unlike many of the other girls, she already looks great. She ventures out with Ben while Oleavia and Kindergarten Lauren say they don’t think she is coming back.

But I’m-a-mommy and Ben take off in a hot air balloon and quickly become acquainted. I’m-a-mommy says she can’t stop smiling. She’s having an amazing day. Ben says he likes being around her. And we all begin to fall in love with Mommy except for two things: her like factor and her déjà vu voice. (Does Ben not hear this?) Like this, like that, like every other word is like because she is like nervous and like we want to stop counting how many times she says like and pay attention to what she is saying, but like, we just can’t. And then, we start thinking she sounds like someone we know, and we realize it is last season’s Whitney and her Is-your-mommy-home voice. We turn down the volume. (Drat! We liked her.)

Ben doesn’t seem to mind. She tells him about her marriage. Her husband cheated on her (vulnerability card). He didn’t want to be in her girl’s lives (bad-daddy card). She was heartbroken, and Athletchic wants so badly to feel bad for her but even with the sound down we still count likes. And (OMG) then Ben starts throwing likes, and we turn the sound completely off.

He gives I’m-a-mommy the rose and we are happy. Really were are. He kisses her (all in), and we turn the volume up, ready for the group date.

This-Is-the-Way-to-a-Man’s-Heart Group Date

GI Jubilee, ImBECCAble Becca, Nojo (can’t take credit for this, my friend’s daughter Olivia—good Olivia—gets credit for both this and the Oleavia tag), Cute Caila, Twin Em, LB, Not-much-air-time Leah, Can’t remember-her Jennifer and Oleavia.

They are off to a classroom to learn Spanish, to the market to buy food and to the kitchen to cook a Mexican meal. They pair up and right off the bad there is a tug between Oleavia and GI Ju for Ben. Oleavia wins and GI walks off with her tail between her legs to partner with LB, but does get in a shoulder shove as she passes Oleavia (rerun it, she does).

Jen and Twin Em pair up. Jen says Em’s palate hasn’t advanced past the kids’ menu. Em wants to punch Oleavia in the mouth and says Ben made a b-line for the mint because Oleavia has bad breath. Oleavia says she and Ben are on a high. In the end, Em and Jennifer get a not so great for their Mexican dish, Caila and Leah get a great, Nojo and Becca get an ok, Ben and Olivia get a not ok, and GI and LB win accolades from the chef.

Ben says he is no longer the bachelor. He’s the spatulor. (Sad.)

On the evening date, Olivia pulls Ben away first (as usual) and brags on camera about her Ben-giddy smile, Ben’s passion and her pitiful self while it’s GI’s turn to pout in the corner. Twin Em interrupts Oleavia’s time with Ben. The others meet with him and Ben ends up kissing all of them, especially LB (can’t take his hands off her). He sends GI Jubilee home.

You got that right. GI went home. Ben said she always pulls away from him. She wasn’t fun today. She says its hard. She pleads for affection. But he wants to be honest. He’s not feeling it anymore. Then he sends her packing and sits down on the stairs and cries.

Back in the room, he barely explains that he sent GI home when Nojo jumps at him for alone time to play the console card. Then she plays her my-boyfriend-dumped-me vulnerability card. Ben says it was hard sending GI home, and that he’s done breaking up with people. Nojo reminds him he has 10 more to go.

Then—sadly—the rose goes to someone that Ben says he has reconnected with, Oleavia, and Athletchic hollers into the TV that he doesn’t know what he is doing. Oh-just-leave Oleavia immediately starts flaunting and taunting her good fortune. She’s not going to rub it in the other girls’ faces, but Ben is hers (rub, rub).

When Athletchic is done gaging in the bathroom, we move on to the next one-on-one.

The Let’s-Design-a-Life-Together One-on-one Date

Ben and Kindergarten Lauren try on clothes at a retail store, then find out that they will be modeling in a fashion show.

They do awesome in the show, and then spend the evening dinner on a roof top. Kinderly brings up his sending Jubilee home and says it was noble of him (careful). Then she throws her my-boyfriend-of-four-years-cheated-on-me vulnerability card out but says on her last birthday she decided she could choose to be happy or to be a victim. She chose to be happy (homerun). Ben said he has seen a new side of her and is more attracted to her. He kisses her, gives her the rose, and they are serenaded by a street harpist—no big concert or romantic dancing–which makes us believe that, maybe, she was supposed to go home but Ben changed his mind.

We go pensively to what we think is going to be the rose ceremony.

The Oh-No-There-Isn’t-Going-to-be-a Rose Ceremony

The girls are scared. It’s over whelming. Oh-just-leave Olivia is relentless. The girls hate her. Ben comes in and the evening goes like this:

Nojo gets alone time and tells him she likes him a lot and does not want to be blindsided. Ben promises her she won’t be, so she knows she’s not going home. They kiss.

LB has time with him and reassures him she cares. They kiss. She’s in.

Oh-just-leave Olivia tells I’m-a-mommy Amanda that she feels like she’s watching an episode of teen mom. Mommy gets offended (rightly). Oleavia apologizes and tries to squeeze out a few tears. Twin Em gets so mad she does the throw-the-other-girl-under-the-bus thing with Oleavia. Ben starts asking the other girls about Oleavia. Mommy throws her under the bus, We-still-don’t-know-who-she-is Jen throws her under the bus, and Twin Em sobs on the phone to her sister Twin Hay, who was dumped by Ben last week, as if she’s going to get some sympathy.

Then, Ben says he wants to talk to Oh-just-leave Oleavia before he passes out roses. All the girls are giddy with hope he’s taking her rose away, but Oleavia redeems herself and then the absolute worst thing happens:

TO BE CONTINUED flashes across the screen, and we realize there isn’t going to be a rose ceremony. Revengefully, we click to watch Vanderpump Rules instead of The Bachelor Live.

Take that, producers, take that.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and a hopeless The Bachelor addict. Follow her on Instagram @athletchicz or Twitter @TweetyZ.

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR -SEASON 20, EPISODE 4 -#THEBACHELOR

Becca is back baby!

LB is sweet, Caila is fun and everyone’s still deciding about GI Jubilee, but Athletchic is flying high because Becca came back strong tonight when she scored one of two one-on-one dates in the wedding capital of the world, Viva Las Vegas! Here’s what happened:

The First One-on-One Helicopter-Rooftop Date

Before the date card arrives, Cankles talks big. She says Ben is her man and that she is “Zen with Ben,” (ripping this season’s biggest-loser title away from Luny Lace). But Jojo obliterates her dreams by getting the first date card.

Ben and Jojo Horse Head (we just can’t get that picture out of our heads) go to a roof top and sip Champaign on a little table as a helicopter descends to take them away. But all goes wrong as it lands close to them. The glasses fly out of their hands, the table tips and rolls, and for a minute we think Jojo’s top is going to fly right off her. The other Bachelorettes laugh as they watch from the hotel window. But the laughing stops when Ben takes Jojo in his arms and kisses her.

He continues kissing her (all in) on the Helicopter ride, and on the evening date, Jojo plays her sympathy card by admitting five months ago her ex cheated on her. Ben is sorry. She’s sure she’s ready for a new relationship. Ben is glad and yada yada, she gets the rose.

They go to yet another rooftop, fireworks erupt, and the Bachelorettes back at the hotel sadly remark it must be for Jojo. Cankle cries. One Twinnie says it is their home town, and she would have liked that. Then the camera switches back and forth from Ben kissing Horse Head (clearly not one of our favs) and Cankles saying she is still the front runner.

We move to the group date:

The Show-Me-What-You-Got Group Date

All the remaining girl’s names except Becca’s (yippee) are on the group date card. Becca smiles. Cankles pouts in the corner, and Kindergarten-teacher Lauren says she hopes they don’t have to put on nipple tassels. (Not very kinderly.)

Ben says he wants a girl who is fun and can come out of her shell, and he takes the girls to a show hall where they announce the girls will be the opening act for the Terry Fator ventriloquist show. Caila and Emily are super stoked. Cankles is confident and LB covers her face and says she has no talent.

Here’s how they do: The Twinnies twin it up to an Irish dance (A+); GI Jubilee plays the cello (B+); LB juggles humbly (B+); Mommy hula hoops (B); Caila hula dances (B+); Never–can-remember-her Rachel (we think) makes balloons (B); Kinder Lauren recites a poem in a chicken suit (C-); Leah pogo sticks across the stage in a clown suit (B), Jennifer or Rachel (not sure) hits balls with a tennis racket through a hula hoop (C-), Amber doesn’t get a grade because she doesn’t get on camera (not looking good), and you get the feeling the producers are setting Cankles up for the big one.

And they are. They roll out a cake, play music, and Cankles jumps out and does an I-talked-it-up-too-much-and-now-clearly-this-isn’t-working rendition of anything but a sexy dance. Ben covers his face. LB says it’s cringe-worthy. The other girls wince through their face-covering fingers, and even Athletchic feels sorry for this chic. It’s that bad. Afterwards, the ventriloquist insults Cankles, the other girls say they had fun, and Cankles crawls off in the corner and cries through a panic attack, saying she thinks Ben was mortified (looked it).

But she doesn’t disappoint. Here’s how the evening date alone time went:

Caila admits she had group-date stage fright, says she is shy but then goes in for a kiss.  Ben says she’s sweet but a tigress. Ben kisses her back (all in).

Kinder Lauren goofs off with a doll from the show. Ben says he wants to know the cute, fun-loving woman. Lauren kisses the doll, then Ben, and Ben kisses her back looking all in (almost).

Olivia asks to talk with him, says she needs a drink, that she did awful, but Ben graciously lies and says she was great. Cankles lies and says she’s not showy. Ben lies and says it wasn’t bad and one of the Twinnies cuts in (go Twinnie). Cankles leaves dejected in her washed-out colored dress/skort and then tells the camera she is scared

Sweet LB admits to Ben that she misses him and that it’s hard to navigate the feelings of everyone dating the same guy. Ben asks what he can do. And LB says all the right things: that there are a lot of amazing, wonderful women left and why would she be lucky enough for him to pick her. (Athletchic is out of her seat shouting at Ben to go get the rose!) Ben kisses her all in and LB moves to Athletchic’s second favorite bachelorette. (Ok she was always second.)

Twin Em gets three minutes with Ben because Cankles interrupts and gets second alone time. Ben apologizes to Em. Cankles says she wants to start over. She snaps her fingers (and we hope she disappears) and says she’s having a rough day. She wants to apologize. Ben says don’t apologize. She apologizes again. Don’t. Apologize. Don’t. Apologize and Ben gives her a peck on the cheek just to get rid of her.

And the rose goes to—LB! (Athletchic rises to her feet and cheers!!!!!!)

The Long-Awaited, One-on-One Ben and BECCA Date 

A box with a note arrives that says get dressed, it’s a big day. Becca pulls out a wedding gown. She puts it on; it fits like a glove. She is drop-dead gorgeous and all of the girls become upset.

But GI Jubilee puts everything in perspective by saying Becca is still a virgin, and if she hasn’t lost her virginity in 26 years, she isn’t going to lose it in six hours (best bash ever).

Becca and Ben arrive at a Las Vegas wedding church, and he gets down on one knee and asks Becca if she wants to marry……other people with him. Ben has been ordained and the two have some fun marrying couples (legally). Becca thanks him for choosing her to do this with him.

The evening date goes (imBECCAbly) well.  They talk virginity, non-virginity, beliefs, hopes, and we come away fully aware that Becca is way more into Ben than she ever was into Chris. And clearly she is not only Athletchic’s top runner, but one of Ben’s, too. She gets the rose and honestly we don’t remember the rest because we are too busy dancing around the room in glee.

Then, the next day we find out (ah-oh) there is going to be one more date:

The Oh-No-One-Twin-Is-Going-Home Double Date

Emily and Haley get an LV home-town date with Ben. He surprises them by taking them to see their mom, and this quickly turns into the most awkward home town date in Bachelor history. He lays on Ems bed and chats. Lays on Hay’s bed and chats. (We think, but honestly we can’t tell them apart.) Mom tells him Emily is more dominant, outgoing, but Haley is a thousand percent in once she opens up. Em throws Hay under the bus and then Ben talks seriously with all of them, looking each in the eye and addressing them as “Mom, you and you…” (He can’t tell them apart either) and says he is having more feelings for Emily as the twins sit there holding hands.(Then he hopes the right one stands up–but he can’t tell.)

Here’s the thing. It was bad enough one of them had to go. Did they really have to do it this way? We are sure this was the producer’s idea, but Athletchic is disappointed that Ben didn’t refuse to do this. Emily cries harder than Haley, and we move awkwardly along to the rose ceremony.

The Rose Ceremony

The drama continues as We-still-aren’t-sure-who-she-is Jen takes Ben away for alone time but only gets three minutes with him because (sigh) Olivia breaks in. Blah, blah, blah later, the other girls get alone time. GI Jubilee whines about feeling insecure, but Cankles hogs the drama by continually interviewing about how sure she is that she’s getting a rose and how she hates it that she gets the last rose, so we are hopeful—extremely hopeful—that they are setting her up to go home.

And the roses go to Amanda (mommy); Lauren H (Not-so-Kinderly); GI Jubilee; Twin Em (wow—that would have been awkward); Caila; Still-not-sure-who-she-is Jennifer; Leah; and last but not least—Cankles (they set us up-not her).

Sadly, we say goodbye to Rachel and Amber instead of Cankles, and we remain angry at producers for sending twin Haley home so awfully.

Here’s the deal, Ben, unless you are 100% sure that Emily is the girl for you, and we highly doubt you are, you should have sent them home together.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor enthusiast. Follow her on Instagram @athletchicz and on Twitter @tweetyz.

 

 

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 3 – THE BACHELOR

I’m-not-crazy Lace elects to leave the show and Ugly-toes-and-cankles Olivia quickly takes her place as drama queen. But she has some competition from Amber and GI Jubilee.

If you missed episode 3, here’s what happened:

One-on-one Date

One of Athletchic’s favorites, Lauren B, gets this Sky’s-the-Limit date and takes off into the air with Ben in a single-engine plane that might scare some women. But she’s a flight attendant. She’s fine. They fly over the Bachelor Mansion and end up in an LA barren valley where a hot tub magically appears. They change behind one, lone tree. Sip champagne. Kiss. Ben passes gas. (Yep. Watch the credits.) And we are on to the evening date.

Pretty little Lauren tells Ben she is from a strong-knit family and likes the simple things in life. She says she wants to marry someone like her dad who was a great father, and Ben talks about his father’s recent by-pass surgery. He kisses her (all in) and gives her the rose. Then he walks her to a barn where, once inside, they dance sweetly in each other’s arms serenaded by Lucy Angel.

Back at the mansion the girls get teary eyed because, well, they know there’s no chance Pretty-little Lauren is going home. She’s just too nice. And it was hard watching Ben fly away with her.

The date card comes and we are off to the group date.

The Love-is-the-goal Group Date  

The twins, Amanda, Lauren H, Jennifer, Shashana, Leah, Amber, Olivia, Jami, Rachel, and Lace find themselves at Exposition Park’s Memorial Coliseum playing soccer with World-Cup players Alex Morgan and Kelley O’Hara. They break into teams but the excitement doesn’t last long because they find the losers are going home.

Lace’s team goes home and Olivia’s team stays.

At the evening date, Olivia takes Ben aside right away, goes to a balcony above the other girls, and hollers down to them, flaunting her alone time with Ben. She doesn’t get the rose. Amber does. But she says she knows Ben can’t always give her the rose but he gives her little physical signs like putting his hand on her leg before he leaves that mean he is really  hers. (Huh?)

Back at the mansion, Jubilee jumps for joy when they read her name and she realizes she is getting the second one-on-one date. She apologizes. But it is too late. The girls are already not liking her.

GI Jubilee’s One-on-one Date

Here’s the thing. When the helicopter touches down at Bachelor Mansion for the date, helicopter-shy, GI Jubilee nervously makes the mistake of saying “Does anyone want to go on my date for me?” The girls take it as a flaunt, and she’s done. Period. The girls chew her name up and spit her out while she is gone.

But the date goes well. They fly over LA, spend time at the elegant Cal-a-vie Health Spa, and then talk seriously at dinner, where GI Ju says she is shy, lacks confidence and has a lot of layers. Ben says that’s what he likes about her. He gives her the rose. She is so happy and surprised that she ends up teary-eyed in his arms. It’s a sweet moment, and we come away feeling like she might be an ok choice for him, except then we get terribly confused about her at the:

Rose Ceremony

Ben comes in and sadly announces two family friends were killed in an airplane crash, and Olivia asks if she can steel him away. We think she is going to console him, but nope, she’s talking toes, ankles and cankles. In fact, she cries about it. Says she’s been teased in the past about her toes, putting her in the running for the most-selfish alone time in the history of The Bachelor. (Is this chic really that self-centered?) Even Ben isn’t nice enough to act all mushy about her cankles.

The next thing we know, Jubilee has whisked Ben away and she’s giving him a massage, steeling precious alone time that girls who do not have a rose want (will the rose-holders never learn?). The no-rose girls become so angry they can’t contain themselves. Someone else steps in for time with Ben, and a fight breaks out between Amber and Jubilee. Jubilee tries not to get involved but Amber won’t let it alone. Jubilee sobs. Ben comes. Amber doesn’t let up, and the next thing we know I’m-not-crazy Lace is tugging Ben away for a chat.

She takes him out front. Apologizes. Cries. And tries to save face by saying she doesn’t like how she’s been acting, can’t take it and is going home. (See ya wouldn’t want to be ya.)

And the roses go to: Lauren H (Kindergarten teacher); Amanda (mommy); BECCA (woohoo Athletchic’s favorite!); The twins; Still-don’t-know-who-she-is Rachel; Caila; Jojo (horse head); Jennifer; Leah; and last but not least Olivia, who reminds us that even though she is last, Ben is communicating with her by little physical signs. (What is in the water at that mansion?)

I’m a huge Bachlor fan, but this was one, down-right boring episode and next week’s not looking much better. (Sigh.)

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and avid Bachelor fan. Follow her on Twitter @Tweetyz or Instagram @athletchicz.

 

 

 

 

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 2 – #THEBACHELOR

I’m-not-crazy Lace beats out Mad-Hatter Mindy for the Bachelorette more likely to play Lorena Bobbitt in a lifetime Movie.

After seven days, Athletchic was still scratching her head and wondering how these two girls made it to day two.  Ben picked them last in episode one, reviving rumors that the Bachelor really only gets to pick 18 out of 20 girls and the producers pick 2.

Here’s what happened Monday night:

Back-to-School Group Date

Ben picks Jackie, LB, Becca (yippee), Lauren H, Three’s-the-charm Amber, Mad-hatter Mindy, G-I Jubilee, Jennifer and, take a deep breath, Looney Lace who says this will be her opportunity to prove she’s not crazy (not).

The girls compete at a school to be the Home Coming Queen. First, they must complete a project to make a volcano erupt. G-I Jubilee gets stuck partnering with Lace and loses. The rest move on to a bob-for-apples competition (lame) where Jackie and Jennifer  are knocked out of the games.

The others move to a geography test. Becca and Jojo put Ohio on the map sideways (embarrassing) and they are out. The final four shoot hoops. Mindy and Amber win but have to race each other on the track, jumping hurdles. Amber talks it up but Mindy beats her and then drives around the field in a convertible with a homecoming crown and Ben. (Weird.)

On the evening date, the girls fight for time with Ben.

Becca takes Ben aside and shoots some hoops (nothing but net), but he doesn’t kiss her. He kisses Jennifer on her alone time. LACE steals him away during Mad Mindy’s alone time and says she isn’t crazy but afterwards says they were staring so intensely at each other that they were eye F’ing (crazy). Fortunately, Jubilee steals Ben away, tells him she was born in Haiti, spent her first years in an orphanage. They hug. He kisses her, but we think she’s more into it than him.

Lace goes off the deep end (Apparently she’s forgotten that she’s not F’ing crazy.) and steals him away again to tell him that she’s not crazy. The girls have a fit. Ben takes Jojo for a walk, says he likes her and then kisses her (all-in) on the top of a building with the lights of LA romantically glowing in the background.

He gives the rose to Jojo. Jubilee cries. I’m-not-crazy Lace gets crazy and we all move on to:

The First One-on-One Date

Newsy says she will be surprised if she doesn’t get the first one-on-one date. Surprise!

The date goes to Caila. But before they leave, Ice Cube and Kevin Heart show up to “Ride Along” and the four embark on an LA adventure that has everyone wondering how anything could ever get done with Heart in tow. He even shows up in the hot tub with Ben and Caila—naked! But mercifully leaves them before the evening date where the two head to a quiet dinner, and Caila hits an absolute home run with Ben (Athletchic, too). He gives her the rose, they walk off, see their names on a Theater Marquee, go inside and Amos Lee gives them a private concert. Clearly this chic is going to give Becca a run for her money.

The Five-blondes-and-a-Russian Group Date

Passed-the-bar-exam Sam, Newsy, the twins, Amanda and Shashana take off to a scientific love research lab to determine who is the most compatible with Ben.

They flash pictures in front of each girl and study them. Blindfold Ben and have him smell them (yep) and then go into a room individually and touch Ben while the other Bachelorettes watch their colored energy on a screen. Olivia wants to kiss Ben while she is there, but Ben’s not having it. Says he won’t kiss her in front of everyone. (You gotta love this guy.) The lowest score, most incompatible, goes to Bar-exam Sam, who Ben said smelled sour. Her score was 2.4 of 10. Newsy Olivia earns the most compatible score of 7.5 but loses face with the other women.

She says she was confident that it would turn out that way and laughs out a “Winning” that makes viewers sorry they ever liked her. On the evening date, Ben talks to her first. They kiss. She goes back to the other girls. Won’t tell anything. And the girls think she thinks she’s high and mighty.One twin talks to Ben. He smells Jojo again and tries to make her feel better by saying she smells like passion fruit and, miraculously, Shashana talks to him fluently in English. Amanda tells Ben about her two little girls. Ben takes it well. Says kids don’t scare him and kisses her.

But he gives the rose to Olivia. The other girls get mad. Amanda cries and wonders if this is worth being away from her girls. And we are on to the Rose Ceremony.

The Rose Ceremony

Newsy Olivia pisses everyone off when she takes Ben away even though she already has a rose. Lace says she’s not crazy but takes Ben away at least twice, maybe three times, and then steals Newsy away for a conversation that we heard but still aren’t sure what it was about.

Then Bachelor Ben shows his true colors. He steals Amanda away and sits gluing little flowers on little barrettes for Amanda’s daughters, reminding us how much we like him.   

And the roses go to Amanda (glad he picked her first), G-I Jubilee, Lauren B, Hiked-the-football Leah, BECCA , Can’t-remember-anything-about-her Rachel, I’m-not-crazy-Lace (really?),LB—but wait—she wants to talk to him.

She takes him out of the room and tells him she just can’t do this. It’s too hard. He walks her out to the car and you spot glimpses of I-m-not-lovable Ben.

Once back, Ben hands out the remaining roses to—Jennifer, Twin Emily, Jaime the bartender (w-what? not twin number two?), Lauren H, Shashana, Twin Hayley (phew-that would have lowered his notch) and Third-time’s-the-charm Amber.

And we waived good bye to Mad Mindy (one down, one to go), Jackie and Passed-the-bar-exam Sam.

Boring overall, but Bachelor Live afterwards spiced it up by bringing in Chris Jenner, who is a Bachelor fan. She is down-to-earth, smart, kind and a joy to watch. She sits alongside Chris Soules (we still can’t figure out why he is hanging around), answers questions and gives advice kindly to Newsy Olivia by saying she may want to tone it down a bit.

Later, Jimmy Kimmel wonders if Ben was afraid NOT to pick I’m-not-crazy Lace and Athletchic yawns and   turns the DVR on to watch Vanderpump Rules. Next week has got to be better.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor addict. Follow her on Twitter @Tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchicz.

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 1 – #THEBACHELOR

He may be the most boring Bachelor ever but Athletchic.com is lovin’ Ben Higgins!

Last night The Bachelor tweets beat out Vanderpump Rules tweets, stinging the big anticipated Katie-and-Tom engagement episode. That’s how BIG Ben Higgins is. (Not to be confused with last year’s Big Ben.)  And yep, Athletchicz  taped Katie’s big night to glimpse Benny in is fine taylored suit.

It’s going to be a long season for Athletchic (#1VanderPumpRulesfan) and Athletchicz (#1TheBachelorfan).

The show  went like this:

Meet the Parents in Indiana

Ben comes from money. (No surprise.) His Mom captures viewer’s hearts when she actually cries Ben close up in carreminiscing the Season 19 Episode when Ben said he may be unlovable. We already love her. And we love her son. He comes across as a small-town 26-year-old with a big heart.

Then we move back to LA to:

Get Advise from Other Bachelors

This was the really confusing part. Why were Chris Soules and Jason Mesnick giving advice?

Sean Lowe, we love. But Jason? Really? He picked the wrong Bachelorette and then traded her in at the Aftershow. And Chris Soules was barely better. Although we adored his choice, Whitney, Athletchic knew he wouldn’t be able to live out his days on the farm with that voice. They split.

Awkward.

Let’s move on to the girls:

The Bachelorettes 

As usual, there are a few favorites and a few psychos.

Athletchic favorites are Laurin, the flight attendant (darling); Jubilee, the kick-ass war veteran; Caila (ok we weren’t lovin’ the jump-into-Ben’s-arms opening but she reprieved herself later); and Olivia, the newscaster.

First on the psycho list is the Dentist, Mache Mandi, who came in with a seven foot paper mache rose on her head; the twins (that’s just plain weird);  and Jojo horse head (yep, you got it, she came in with a horse head on); but even Jojo couldn’t beat out Meagan for the craziest entrance because Meagan came in with a horse. (At least I think it was a horse. If you didn’t see it, don’t ask.)

Oh and two other Bachelorettes deserve a mention. Trust me. There is no category for these. First, Tiara gets a mention for her occupation. What the heck is a Chicken Enthusiast? (Actually we don’t want to know.) And Shashana get’s a mention because, well, she’s Russian and we can’t understand a word she’s saying. (Seriously? How desperate were they?)

On with the show:

The Surprise that Rocked Athletchicz’s World 

Ok, my life is boring but, drum role, BECCA IS BACK!!!!! If you’ve read past blogs you know we love Becca. She was our all-time favorite, and we are swimming in hope that she’s the one for Ben.

Another past Bachelorette, Amber, came along with Becca. But honestly, we don’t think she’ll be flaunting that old saying–the third time’s the charm.

On to the Party and Rose Ceremony 

No big drunken stupor like last year’s opening, but Lace had a little too much and talked trash; Meagan sealed her ‘going home’ status by combining a Texan accent with sailor trash talk; and the Newsy, Olivia, got the first impression rose and was quite nice about it.

Here’s who Benny picked and in this order:

Lauren B (yippee); Kayla somebody; Amber (third-timer); Jami (the bartender); Forgot-to-say-her-name Jennifer (she didn’t introduce herself when she got out of the limo); Jubilee (yeah!); Amanda (mother of two adorable little girls); JoJo horse head;  Hiked-a-football-through-her-legs-to-Ben  Leah (awkward); Can’t-remember-anything-about-her Rachel; I-passed-the-bar-exam Sam; Jackie; twinnies Em and Hay (geesh); Shashana (not feelin’ it); Lauren H; BECCA (HALLELUJAH); Mad as a hatter Mandi; and Lunatic Lace.

The others go home and Lunatic Lace pulls Ben away from the celebratory toast to begin the games. She tells him he picked her last (no kidding) and didn’t once look into her lunatic eyes, and we all come away thinking this chick thinks she’s his girlfriend already and this may be the best Bachelor season ever!!!!!

Woohoo! Who knew the Bachelor could cure the winter blues? Can’t wait for next week!

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor addict. Follower her on Twitter at @Tweetyz and Instagram @athletchicz.

 

 

Reality Recap – The Bachelorette – Season 11, Episode 4 – #TheBachelorette

Kupah throws a tantrum outside Bachelorette paradise after last week’s interview bomb and big boot. He doesn’t want to do the bye-bye interview.

Kaitlyn becomes distracted during her interview by all his hollering and goes outside to confront him alone. (Even Big Ben Z doesn’t budge from the couch to go along.)

She confronts him. He says he doesn’t want to go home. She says too bad. He promises not to yell anymore and then melts into a pathetic loud whisper about whispering after she leaves. He says he doesn’t even like her and rides away into after-my-fifteen-minutes-of-fame world.

Kaitlyn cries, finishes her interview, talks to the  guys, then Chris Harrison spoils the fun by announcing it’s time for the rose ceremony.

And the Roses Go To:

Voted-for-Britt-but-don’t-want-to-go-home Jared, the other Ben (H), Shawn (no surprises so far), Jonathon, the Kleenex Gifter, Cupcake Chris, Brian (where’d he come from?), Justin, Ian, Almonzo Josh, Joe, Corey with an e, and don’t-legalize-marijuana Tony. (Seriously? Guru guy?)

The other guys leave. She cries and says she was attracted to Cory but he needed to be with his daughter. (Weird)  But not as weird as…

The Morning Wake-up Call for the Group Date

Fat men  clang drums and a fatty Yama is introduced. We have to wait for a few minutes for Chris Harrison to reveal Yama is a guy. (We weren’t sure.) He weighs in at 600 pounds.

Kaitlyn has picked six guys for this next date, and they put on sumo wrestling thongs to show off their butts.

JJ says everyone looks good–except Tony must have partied his ass off because it was nonexistent. Joe flaunts his junk. Cupcake Chris shudders and the fat guys go at it. Then the bachelors go at the fat guys . Diapers fly. Tony says he is not aggressive but peaceful and loving and asks for a boat ride.

JJ accuses Tony of bothering Kaitlyn, and Tony tells him to get the “f” out of there. (Tony’s got some balls.) Almonzo says Tony is crazy but JJ had no right to go at Tony, and Jonathon walks Kaitlyn away from the ugly situation.

The date gets somber. Ian tries to calm Tony. Kaitlyn tries to talk to Tony. Tony talks spirituality, development and primal instincts. His nipples twitch. (Yes they did.) Kaitlyn hugs him and goes back to the date while Tony sits on a ledge.

The date moves to an outside makeshift arena. The bachelors ride in on bikes. (Tony is a no show.) They disrobe and show off their butts to the public. (Awkward.)

JJ thinks Kaitlyn is checking him out. Kaitlyn wrestles one of the fat guys. He lets her win and then it is the bachelors’ turn. JJ hams it up, Joe shakes his butt. And Joe flips JJ and wins. Clint flips Joe, Cupcake and then takes selfies with the crowd.

Back at the ranch Tony says he wants to go to the zoo, and he can’t do this anymore. He packs and leaves. (Ho hum.) But before he rides into the new-age sunset, he stops at the on-going date, gives Kaitlyn a flower and says goodbye to her under the moon. (She sweetly tries to hide her unconcern.)

The rest of the date goes like this: Interviews fly. Clint plays hard to get. Shawn gets the rose. Clint sulks in frustration. Kaitlyn tells Clint he ignored her all day. Clint says Kaitlyn isn’t the girl for him but he’s glad he’s there because JJ is sweet. (Start of another show?)

Be Ready for Anything Date

Kaitlyn gets a date card from Chris Harrison. Ben Z gets one, too. Harrison has set up the date and Kaitlyn excitedly calls Ben Z a babe soda. (Gag.)

They proceed to a junk yard, then a building. Harri tells them to walk through a door. It will lock behind them. They go. There are birds. Kaitlyn freaks out.  There is blood, bodily limbs, gas, spiders, clues and snakes (Ben freaks out ). They wander aimlessly, grasping at how-to-get-out clues until, with less than a minute to spare, they break out, live, walk away hand in hand and have a great date later in the evening.

Big Ben gets a rose.

The Sex Group Date

Bachelors Jonathon, Ben H , Almonzo Josh, Brian, Jared, and Tanner must have the birds and bees talk with school children (don’t get all bent out of shape–they are child actors).

Each gets a topic to teach from their pretend school lockers and Kaitlyn says this will separate the men from the boys.

Ryan B talks female anatomy, vaginas, important parts and butts. Jonathon answers questions about the four bases, homeruns, sex positions, wet dreams, and condems.  Tanner puts a condem on a banana. Almonzo Josh talks blood, tampons, and periods pretty poorly (no sisters?). Then Ben H hits a homerun himself by turning a reproduction lesson into a beautiful story of the love between a man and woman.

They have a great evening date and good interviews. Kaitlyn dances pretty close to Jared, but gives the rose deservingly to Ben H. (Woohoo, new front runner.)

The Back-at-the-Ranch Bromance

JJ and Clint bond, and Justin calls their bonding a bromance. They chill by the pool, cook together and sit on the couch playing games shirtless. Clint says JJ owns him. Justin says the two have a little pep in their step when they are together, and JJ says Clint squeezed his zit in the shower the night before. (TMI.)

Later they talk turtles in the hot tub,  strum the guitar together and Clint admits he may be too close to JJ. He said falling in love with a man on the Bachelorette never crossed his mind. He said he doesn’t like Kaitlyn, but his is still a success story.

The Rose Ceremony

JJ talks hope for a lot of other bachelors to get the hack. (He must not be feelin’ Clint’s love.) Clint says things didn’t go well for him but he loves JJ.  Then he grabs Kaitlyn away from the others right off the bat, says the big sumo boy must have adjusted his diaper so tight that he lost his balls. (Something like that.) Then he apologizes. (Bi-sexual?) Lies. (Nope.) And Kaitlyn says he seems genuine. (Wait until she sees this episode at the Bachelors tell all.)

Once alone, Clint again admits he isn’t interested in Kaitlyn then goes to JJ and tells him how cute he is. JJ mentions his pants. Clint says he loves JJ and wants to stay for him not Kaitlyn.

JJ and Clint fear the other boys are going to mention their bonding to Kaitlyn. And the boys do. Josh drops names. And Clint and JJ blah, blah, blah on. Kaitlyn pulls Clint aside to talk and leads him toward the fireplace, saying it is cold….

To be continued….woohoo…can’t wait..

But we don’t have to wait a week for the fun because Tuesday night Jimmy Kimmel shows clips of the bachelors proclaiming their love for Kaitlyn and clips of Kaitlyn’s interviews…only it is Kaitlyn Jenner. (You gotta love him! I’m starting to look forward to his reviews as much as the show!)

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Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.

 

Reality Recap – The Bachelorette – Season 11, Episodes 1&2 – #TheBachelorette

On day one, I was already annoyed.

A face off between Shower-shy Britt and Not-a-virgin Kaitlyn bothered me. I was never a fan of either bachelorette, but the thought of dozens of men telling one of them to hit the road seemed heartless–even for those two.

Plus–ok I’ll ask it–was it really fair to Kaitlyn? I mean come on; Britt is drop-dead gorgeous. Before the first episode even started, I was sure it was going to take these guys longer than a few hours to realize Britt has the personality of a wet noodle.

Then here’s what happened:

Interviewing the Bachelors

Another admission: I didn’t watch all the interviews; I lost interest early on. Brady from Nashville, Ian from LA, Ben somebody and Jared from somewhere in Rhode Island seemed sane, but the rest remain dormant in that 90% of my brain I never get to.

Only one interview gave deep impression and that was Guru-balance man, otherwise known as Tony the healer. (Tony is testament to why marijuana should never be legalized.)

Out of the Limo    

Producers first elect to show all of the guys  darting toward Britt, leaving Kaitlyn standing awkwardly in the shadows of the bushes. Blood pressures rise across TV land as Britt flashes her wicked, little, I’m-wonderfully-beautiful smile that says she’s sure she’s got this in the bag. She can’t conceal her conceit.

Then the scene changes and guys start dropping off presents to Kaitlyn upon arrival (reminding us how we didn’t like her wild laugh). Finally, one bachelor says he has a gift for Britt; she’s ecstatic until she realizes it is a package of Kleenex. (Cry-cry-cry Britt of the Bachelor lives on.)

A sex therapist arrives soaking wet in a mobile hot tub, and a dentist drives up in a cup cake. (That’s right–a cupcake.) Not much drama other than one of the bachelors who already greeted the girls, Ryan, comes out to insult sex-therapist-hot-tub guy.

The Party

No time for a cat fight, Britt and Kaitlyn scramble to win favor with the 25 guys. Each says they will be devastated if they go home, hushing viewers with compassion.

But then Bachelor Ryan reminds us that this is superficial Reality TV by getting plastered, saying he’s horned up, disrobing, swimming, falling out of the pool (without spilling a drop of his drink mind you) and slapping Kaitlyn’s behind. Bouncers come. Chris Harrison walks him to a waiting van, and horned-up Ryan is history. (Except for internet chatter that he previously dated Nikki–you know–Juan Pablo’s ex.)

Harrison announces the ballot is open, and before he finishs his speech, black-eyed guru-healer Tony (yes he has a black eye) takes off to the voting room, lays his hands on the rose boxes, and waits for a sign of which girl is right for him (oy vey) and TV land concludes there are probably limitless people waiting in line to blackened his other eye.

Producers show guys voting for Britt, then Kaitlyn, then Britt while the girls run from bachelor to bachelor flaunting their best vote-for-me demeanor.

Before we know it, the roses have all been cast.

The Bachelorette

Chris Harrison announces the voting is closed and immediately you see him approaching Britt.

Instantly we sense he’s happy, and we know Britt is going home. (He never liked her. He can’t hide it.) He tells her and of course she is blind-sided. She is so shocked that she can barely speak. It’s evident she never rehearsed a speech for this; she was sure she was staying. She sheds a few tears, Harrison walks her to the limo and Cry-cry-cry Britt surfaces as she rides away.

Still, we can’t help but feel sorry for her. This is cruel even for Britt.

However we don’t have too much pity time because happy Harri proceeds to Kaitlyn (without even a commercial!) and breaks the news. Kaitlyn covers her face then says she feels bad she is so happy. Harri says she is a sweet girl, she cries, smiles and asks how Brit is doing. (Suddenly it doesn’t matter that she took bathing suit bottoms off. We like her again.) Harri says she should be happy, says there will still be a rose ceremony and leaves her alone to call her mom.

Back to the Party

Guys who openly voted for Britt find themselves in the hot seat when Kaitlyn is revealed as the bachelorette. Faces droop. Glasses raise. And the backpedaling begins.

A few Kaitlyn supporters get time alone with her. Cup-cake boy gets a kiss.  Crushin’-on-her Shawn gets the first impression rose, Welder Josh gives her a rose and the Brit-backing boys quickly recover from their loss. They hone in on Kaitlyn and work hard to avoid the inevitable who’d-they-vote-for question. Some of them do pretty good: Kupah schmoozes. (Kupah? What was his mother thinking?) Leno-chin guy talks kids. And Jared admits he voted for Britt but would like to get to know Kaitlyn. (Noble or just plain dumb?)

Guru-guy sits alone in the garden talking about drinking fountains and building wells.

The Rose Ceremony

Kaitlyn walks up to a table with a lot of roses and begins calling bachelors up to fetch them:

Cupcake dentist, Ben H, Leno-chin (who laughs like the Joker), Joe somebody, Kupah (drat), Daniel, Ryan B, Steel-rose-giver Josh, One-with-the-earth Tony, then…

Brady interrupts the ceremony to see if he can talk to Kaitlyn. They go out into the hall. He says Kaitlyn is a wonderful girl, admits he has feelings for Britt, and Chris Harrison ushers him off to find his dream girl, Britt.

We stop to give this guy credit. He is a song writer. He could have stuck around for publicity (don’t pretend it hasn’t been done in the past), but he doesn’t. We like him, and suddenly we feel better about Britt not being the bachelorette and anxious for the two to reconnect . (Until they show previews of him walking through a hotel in a t-shirt, shorts and are those tights? Really? All the clothes you took for the show and that’s what you pick to impress your lady?)

Kaitlyn goes back to the ceremony, takes a deep breath and continues  picking guys:

Clint, Somebody else, Voted-for-Britt-but-not-ready-to-leave Jonathon, Cory or Corey (we’ll find out next week), Ben Z, Tanner, Ian (phew), Justin and……Jared (noble).

Next producers spice it up with clips of Kaitlyn admitting she  slept with someone, and we all go to bed happy.

Can’t wait for episode 3!

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Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.

 

Reality Recap – The Bachelor – Season 19, Episode 10 – #THEBACHELOR

The Eeny Meeny Miny Moe Finale

Everyone’s asking the same question. Can Chris live on a farm in the middle of nowhere with that voice?

We all love her–Whitney–but we don’t know if Chris can take her is-your-mommy-home voice.  Plus, we love Becca. She’s our front-running closet virgin. So we were anxiously awaiting Chris’s decision on the Finale. He had two great girls and couldn’t really go wrong. Here’s what happened:

Whitney’s home town

 There’s no other way to say this. Whitney hits a home run. She brings flowers and admits in a tearful toast to Chris’s family that she loves him. His parents fall in love with her. His siblings adore her.

When she talks to family members alone, we even get a little teary eyed. She tells Chris’s mom she has raised an amazing man. His mom asks if she thinks she is in love with him. Whitney says she doesn’t think she is in love with him, she knows she is. Mom opens her arms and hugs her. Even dad has tears in his eyes when it’s his turn to talk to her.

Quickly Chris’s family gathers that Whitney is all in and asks Chris if he has any reservations about her. (That voice maybe?) He says that he has feelings for Becca, too. He begins talking about Becca so much that we try to remember if any other bachelor ever talked this much about a bachelorette that he wasn’t on a date with at the time. (Bad sign.)

Chris’s sister Lori says Whitney fits in but when Chris talks about Becca, he’s defensive. To her that’s a red flag. She doesn’t want him to get hurt.

Clearly the family loves Whitney. But Chris says he can’t have a serious conversation with them until they’ve met Becca. He feels strongly about both of them. His brother, Jason, asks if he likes Becca because she is that girl at the bar that nobody can talk to.  He says Chris is 50/50. He hasn’t made up his mind, and that is highly unfortunate.

Becca’s Date

We’ll have to keep an open mind, his family says, start with a clean slate. (Because Whitney literally hit it out of the park.)

Becca arrives looking lovely. But—odd—her shirt is unbuttoned and her bra is showing. (Not virginy.)

Still, it goes well. She wins them over, too. (Not the dog—he high tails it.) But when they sit to chat without Chris, Becca admits she isn’t sure she loves him. Isn’t sure about Arlington. She’s falling in love with him. But she’s scared. She’s not where she’s supposed to be so will he chose Whitney?

After talking to his sisters, Becca questions how a long distance relationship will be, and she cries when she talks to Mama Soule. Every time Becca says something nice about Chris, Mama Soule says that’s love, and we get the feeling Mama’s trying to convince her she’s in love. In the end, Mama Soule says she really didn’t think anyone could compare to Whitney but, really, these are two wonderful girls.

Then it happens—a possible blunder (if Whitney wins). Dad says Whitney is the sure thing, but he thinks Becca is who Chris wants. (Gasp!)

Becca’s Date

Chris shows up at Becca’s room at the Hotel Julian. They kiss and she asks how he feels. He asks how she feels and each awkwardly explains their almost love for each other. Chris wants everything Becca can give him. (Huh?) She’s struggling. He’s struggling. Becca mentions the fact that she’s not there yet and that could hurt her. Chris asks if she can see any future with him? Could she see herself in Arlington? And Becca is so honest it’s frightening. She’s not sure of anything.

Why doesn’t she feel like she is in love, he asks? She wants to give an honest answer but she just doesn’t know. Then she asks (cringe) what would she do in Arlington? What if it’s not for her? (Hope dwindles.)

Whitney’s Date

Whitney arrives in Arlington. (Wait. She gets a real date?) She runs to him and says it’s nipply  out. (Nipply?)

Chris tells her she is going to help him pick corn, and Whitney says she’s excited. (How come the closet-virgin didn’t get to pick corn?) She sounds pretty confident. She meets his dad again, and the three of them ride in the plow harvesting corn. She thinks it’s amazing. (C’mon.) She loves seeing Chris in his happy place. This could be her future for a long, long, long, long time.

I own 800 acres, he tells her (cha ching). Then he takes her to his house (cha double ching) out in no man’s land, and she loves it. She feels safe, peace, comfort. She’s with the guy she loves. They toast the time they’ve had together.

Next you see Chris knocking on her hotel door. (This is where Becca’s date began so things aren’t looking too good for our front runner.) She tells him that seeing him in his element was great. Nothing about it seemed shocking. She likes the simple life. She loves being domestic. (Overkill.)  He says she could get some dirt on these little pink hands. (Gag.)

She leads him to the bedroom for a chat. She wants everything out on the table, she says and for a moment we think she’s going to throw him back on the bed. But she doesn’t. She talks sweet. Tells him she’s scared. She loves him. But she’s doing all the talking. He’s quiet. He smiles but still looks sad. She continues. Blah, blah, blah, blah mushy-blah.

Finally he speaks. What you just said is something that I reciprocate, he says, I feel the same way. No matter what happens I feel that as well. (Iowa sweet talk.) I am excited about you.

He kisses her. And I’m sorry. Maybe I just like our front-runner girl too much, but I get the impression that Chris wants to love Whitney but doesn’t. He leaves. Whitney cries and says she hopes this is just the beginning.

The Barn Proposal (Really?)

You can dress that place up with all the candles you want, it’s still a barn. And its cold. Chris says he’s going with his gut and hoping for the best. (Later Jimmy Kimmel will say it was the hardest game of eeny meeny miny moe Chris ever played.)

Chris says it hurts to make this decision. Breaking up with someone who he feels he is falling in love with is awful. It’s a decision he doesn’t want to make. He didn’t realize how hard this moment was going to be. He was waiting for a sign. But he didn’t get one.

Becca Pulls up in the Limo

We pretty much know what’s coming. When Becca steps out of the limo, we know they’re not trying to trick us like they do some seasons. Becca’s first. He’s letting her go.

Chris holds Becca’s hands and says he could see himself married to her. He utters sweet words. But she’s not ready. She realizes he isn’t picking her. She’s pretty good. Actually she’s more than pretty good. We’ve been open and honest, she says, and there’s no way she could respect him more. (We told you this chic was too good for this show.) She says he will make an incredible husband. She sheds a few tears, but she’s ok. He hugs her.

In the car, Becca sighs. Says she feels like she is in shock. She can’t process it. Part of her thinks he is in love with her. (So do we.) She just wasn’t there yet. She hopes someday she falls in love but questions if it didn’t happen with Chris could it happen at all? She hopes she doesn’t wake up and realize she was in love with him the whole time. She doesn’t cry. (Woohoo!)

Whitney Pulls Up in the Limo

She walks into the barn in a beautiful gown and climbs the wood plank stairs. They kiss. Hold hands. She talks first. Says sweet things. Her is-your-mommy-home voice is shaking. She tells him she loves him. She is scared.

He says sweet things back. Talks about all the fun they had—crashing the wedding, bringing her home to Arlington. It feels perfect. He loves her.

She’s been waiting so long to hear this. (We want to get a little teary eyed like we did when Whitney met Chris’s family, but we don’t.)

He kneels down and asks her to marry him. She says yes. She is the luckiest girl in the world. Chris gives her the final rose. Everything is wonderful. Chris says it’s perfect. They sit in the barn door loft kissing and gazing out over—well—nothing. (Later Jimmy Kimmel will say Muppet voice won but would be forced to live in a bleak, uninhibited town.)

So Athletchic’s front-runner has lost but the girl Chris selected is sweet, kind and, despite her voice, we can’t help but feel it wasn’t a bad choice.

Still….we come away…..wondering…did he settle?

After the Final Rose

Evidently, Chris Harrison feels the same. He tries to draw drama out of Chris Soules but to no avail. If Becca had said she loved him, would he have picked her? Would the outcome have changed? Chris doesn’t bite. He says he won’t look back. He’s happy and waiting to move forward with Whitney.

But before they bring her out, it is the dreaded runner-up reunion.

Chris and Becca

Becca looks gorgeous. She says it was difficult to watch the end. Chris bobs up and down in agreement.  They chat. Becca is so sane, grounded, level-headed that even she alludes to the question on everyone’s mind—why did she even go on this show?

Harrison asks Soules if it was a lost cause from the start between them? And Chris stutters, stammers, then says no. They had a great run. They both came away stronger. Chris is hopeful for both their futures.

Becca leaves. Chris says he has no regrets after seeing her, and they call for Whitney.

Whitney and Chris

I love him more than anything, Whitney says. Chris says he loves her, too. She’s gorgeous inside and out, and she’s like his sisters (creepy). He mentions how much his family loved her and  Whitney admits she didn’t watch the entire show—only her dates. (Good because your future father-in-law said Chris really wanted Becca.)

They show a clip of the last show. Chris’s parents. Hugging. And Momma Soules talking grandkids.

The entire after show is so quiet and mundane, that Chris Harrison has to turn to the audience and talk to Ashley S. He asks again if she’ll be on the Bachelor in Paradise and finally, she agrees. (Sorta.)

Next, Jimmy Kimmel shows up with a gift for the happy couple—a cow he’s named Juan Pablo. He mentions Onion Ashley thinks she is on the Price is Right, gets Whitney and Chris to admit they have been making love as often as possible (TMI), and we happily celebrate the end.

Except! (Drum role.)

The next bachelorette will  be…………………..Shower-shy Brit AND Not-a-virgin Kaitlyn. For the first time in Bachelor history, there will be two bachelorettes (not feelin’ it). Apparently bachelor nation was split between the two (sure), and they couldn’t decide.

Athletchic clicks the remote and goes to bed broken hearted. We like neither girl. We were hoping for Becca.

_________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.