REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 7 -#THEBACHELOR

Athletchicz is storming mad because Ben sent ImBECCable Becca home. We have an idea why. Here’s our opinion on the night:

Ben brings six girls home to Warsaw, Indiana—six nice girls—but the nicest is Becca.

He rides in on a pontoon boat, takes the girls out on a lake, and later asks LB (of course) out on a date in front of the other girls. Athletchic loves Measly-mouthed little LB, but we wanted him to ask Becca. Here’s:

The Warsaw No-Rose One-on-One Date

He drives around in his red truck showing LB where he grew up. They stop at the Baker Youth Club where he use to work, and producers bring in Paul George and George Hill from the Indiana Pacers because kids aren’t Bachelor fans. Measly-mouth is lovable. Later he takes her to his apartment, and they hold hands and drink wine. She talks about his lame accusation last week that she acts differently when he’s not around.

She tells him she was concerned that he listened to what someone else said about her and couldn’t defend herself.  They talk it out, kiss, make up and go to a hometown bar to meet Ben’s friends. We move on to the next date disappointed, feeling like the other Bachelorettes are right. He likes LB best:

The One-on-One No-Rose NoJo Date

Ben meets NoJo at Wrigley Field where Cubs’ shirts, tagged Mr. and Mrs. Higgins on back, are awaiting them. Ben admits he’s a big Cubs fan. They take turns at bat, and Ben hits more like a girl than Nojo. (My husband’s words.) They get along great. Ben says there’s passion. They have dinner on the field. NoJo says she’s a little insecure. He reassures her and yada, yada, here’s the thing: Nojo is nice but we like Becca. So we are on to:

The Becca-Caila-Mommy Group Date

I’m going to shorten this because I’m flipping mad. It’s not a fun group date. He doles out alone time to each girl. Mommy says she wants him to meet her girls in her squeaky voice even though she just told the camera she wasn’t sure she wanted him to meet them. Don’t-know-if-she-likes-Ben Caila cries that she’s not part of a big group like Ben. And Becca says please don’t blind side me.

Mommy Amanda gets the night’s only rose, and Ben sends Becca and Don’t-know Caila back to the house. Athletchic is so mad that we don’t watch the rest of the date.phonto (9)

Here’s our opinion: First, Athletchic feels if Ben isn’t 99% sure he is going to pick Amanda in the end, then taking her home to meet her two little girls is just downright selfish. Period.

Second, Amanda is a replica of LB. Tiny, little, submissive blonde and Athletchic is beginning to feel Ben is so insecure he will only pick an insecure partner. And he’s three for three:  LB, Nojo and Mommy Amanda. See the pattern? Onward:

The Oh-My-Gosh-He’s-Actually-Taking-TwinEm-Home Date

Yep, he takes TwinEm home. This was another shocker. TwinEm is adorable and again, we love her too, but clearly she is too young for this show. Producers only selected her because she and her twin are beautiful, but they forgot to tell Ben.

She meets the fam. Tells his mother she wants to be a cheerleader and his father that she doesn’t like vegetables. Momma Higgins cries and Ben sends TwinEm and her beautifully-blue, teary eyes home.

We are on to the:

Worst-Rose-Ceremony-in-Bachelor-History  

Ben goes ahead with the rose ceremony. Becca doesn’t get a rose. And there is only one question left to ask:

What do you not understand about the word blindside, Ben?

Hope you are feeling good about yourself, Ben, but Athletchic is broken hearted. Prince Charming reduced to a toad.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and NO LONGER a The Bachelor fan. Follow her on Twitter @tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchicz.

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 6 -#THEBACHELOR

If you missed it, you missed the best send off in Bachelor history! Oleevia goes HOME. Applauds from Bachelor Nation can be heard around the world. Ok well at least around the country.

Last week’s cliff hanger had us hoping Oleevia was going home but fairly certain she wasn’t. And Ben didn’t send her away at that rose ceremony. Here’s how the big night went:

The Rose Ceremony

Ben pulls Oleevia aside and confronts her about her Ms. Jekyll (in front of Ben) and Ms. Hyde (in front of the girls) personality. She temporarily redeems herself by blaming all her idiosyncrasies on the jealousy of the other girls. She says they are into painting their nails, and she is into reading books and “talking smart things.” (Ok Einstein.)  She even squeezes out a few tears, so Ben brings her back to the ceremony, rose in hand.

The other girls sigh as they realize she isn’t going home. And then Oleevia flaunts her staying power at her interview by saying the other girls tried to trip her up, but she welcomes the competition.  She says, “Come at me bro,” and Bachelor Nation cringes.

Then the roses go to: Caila, LB, Nojo, Imbeccable Becca, What-am-I-doing-here Leah, and TwinEm. Still-don’t-know-who-she-is Jen goes home, and we are on to the first date.

The I-Don’t-Know-if-She-Loves-Me-or-Loves-Me-Not, One-on-One Date

There is no other way to put it. We have no clue if Caila likes Ben.

It begins with a great boat ride. They jump in the water and Ben kisses Caila, but she’s not all in (replay it, she wasn’t). Ben says he has only seen the fun and smiling Caila and wants to know the deep Caila.

Caila sounds confused that she received a second one-on-one date and admits some of the other girls were upset. Ben says who, but she won’t tell. (Smart.)Then at the evening date, it gets so confusing that we have to replay it only to become even more confused.  She says she feels like she loves him but her greatest fear is she can’t fall in love and she is afraid she might hurt him. (Huh?) After that, well, go back and listen to it yourself because she did a song and dance and Ben gave her the rose, but we still aren’t sure whether she likes him or just wanted to finish out the vacation in the Bahamas.

On to the:

The Swim-with-the-Pigs Group Date

LB, Imbeccable Becca, Nojo, I’m-a-mommy Amanda, Kinderlauren and Leah go to swim with the pigs. Weird. Awkward. We are fairly certain producers are clamoring for group date ideas. Becca‘s afraid. Nojo gets pig-chased and nearly mauled, the girls squeal louder than the pigs, and Ben slips away, a little too long, with LB.

He spends so much time with her that he ruins the group date. I’m-not-sure-why-I’m-still-here Leah breaks down completely, and Ben pulls Becca away to try and find out what went wrong and how he can patch it up. She’s kind. Says its hard. He reassures her. Kisses her. Says he wants to be fair and then takes a turn kissing and reassuring all of the other girls, so everyone wonders who the heck he is going to send home at this week’s rose ceremony.

Then the mistake that sends girls home season after season occurs. Leah throws LB under the bus—big time. Later, when LB is crying, Leah lies and says it wasn’t her. The girls console LB. Ben gives Mommy Amanda the rose and then walks off ignoring LB’s teary-eyed stare. We think it is over.

Not.

Back at the hotel, the girls figure out Leah bad mouthed LB. But they don’t confront her because she takes off to Ben’s room and asks how he is doing. She says she wouldn’t use her time to talk about someone else and that she doesn’t want to throw LB under the bus. Then she shoves her, kicks her, gets in the bus and drives back and forth over her until LB is unrecognizable. But the bus backfires. (Do these girls not watch prior seasons?) He sends her home, and we are thankful because we cannot take a second bachelorette as wicked as Come-at-me-bro Oleevia. Which brings us to our next date:

The Two-on-One Oleevia-Versus-TwinEm Date

They boat through rough seas to an island. Right away, Ben steals Oleevia for alone time and she says: My love is growing. I feel good. I’m an introvert. At peace with myself. Grounded. In tune with my body. Intimidating. I am who I am. Deep. I like intellectual “things” (go-to noun). Like what?  Ben asks, looking confused. Then she breaks out the L word and he seems to fall for it.

Next Ben takes TwinEm for alone time. She looks gorgeous: hair cascading, blue eyes shining. Cute, fun Em materializes and Ben says he wants to get to know her but  when he takes her back, he picks up the rose and asks Oleevia if he can talk to her.

That’s when it happens. The BEST SEND OFF ever. He tells her he’s sending her home, leaves and producers make her stand on the rocky edge of the island crying while Ben goes back, gives the rose to Em and boats away with her. The camera drifts away and we watch Oh-no-I’m-going-home Oleevia stand motionless amid the raging seas. She’s aghast, appalled, sobbing, repenting, crying and honestly I can’t even describe how desolate and forlorn it was—it was so humiliating that even Athletchic felt bad for her.

However, we did move happily on to:

The Rose Ceremony

Here’s the thing. There are only nice girls left now. Chris Harrison comes in (always bad news) and says Ben doesn’t want a party. He knows what he is going to do. He enters looking sheepish, hands out the roses to Imbeccable Becca, Nojo and LB, and Kinderlauren goes home.IMG_6888

Then producers flash glimpses of future scenes. Ben’s crying because he is in love with two women and we are sure he is because, maybe for the first time ever, a Bachelor has gotten it right. He’s kept the nice girls.

Ben—boring but beautiful.

Can’t wait for next week. GO BECCA!

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor enthusiast. Follow her The Bachelor tweets on Twitter @tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchic.com.

 

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR -SEASON 20, EPISODE 5 -#THEBACHELOR

GI Jubilee goes home, Oh-please-leave Olivia gets a rose and the others throw their vulnerability cards on the table.  If you didn’t tune in last night, that’s what you missed.

The drama opens with the girls arriving in Mexico. Oleavia toasts love, insists Ben doesn’t validate the other girls like he does her (huh?), and says she and Ben have a love language. She’s sure she’s getting a one-on-one date, but then has to pout in the corner when I’m-a-mommy Amanda gets the date.

The Put-All-the-Eggs-in-One-Basket, Like, One-on-One Date

Ben pops in on the girls at 4:30 in the morning looking for Amanda. She has 15 minutes to get ready. But unlike many of the other girls, she already looks great. She ventures out with Ben while Oleavia and Kindergarten Lauren say they don’t think she is coming back.

But I’m-a-mommy and Ben take off in a hot air balloon and quickly become acquainted. I’m-a-mommy says she can’t stop smiling. She’s having an amazing day. Ben says he likes being around her. And we all begin to fall in love with Mommy except for two things: her like factor and her déjà vu voice. (Does Ben not hear this?) Like this, like that, like every other word is like because she is like nervous and like we want to stop counting how many times she says like and pay attention to what she is saying, but like, we just can’t. And then, we start thinking she sounds like someone we know, and we realize it is last season’s Whitney and her Is-your-mommy-home voice. We turn down the volume. (Drat! We liked her.)

Ben doesn’t seem to mind. She tells him about her marriage. Her husband cheated on her (vulnerability card). He didn’t want to be in her girl’s lives (bad-daddy card). She was heartbroken, and Athletchic wants so badly to feel bad for her but even with the sound down we still count likes. And (OMG) then Ben starts throwing likes, and we turn the sound completely off.

He gives I’m-a-mommy the rose and we are happy. Really were are. He kisses her (all in), and we turn the volume up, ready for the group date.

This-Is-the-Way-to-a-Man’s-Heart Group Date

GI Jubilee, ImBECCAble Becca, Nojo (can’t take credit for this, my friend’s daughter Olivia—good Olivia—gets credit for both this and the Oleavia tag), Cute Caila, Twin Em, LB, Not-much-air-time Leah, Can’t remember-her Jennifer and Oleavia.

They are off to a classroom to learn Spanish, to the market to buy food and to the kitchen to cook a Mexican meal. They pair up and right off the bad there is a tug between Oleavia and GI Ju for Ben. Oleavia wins and GI walks off with her tail between her legs to partner with LB, but does get in a shoulder shove as she passes Oleavia (rerun it, she does).

Jen and Twin Em pair up. Jen says Em’s palate hasn’t advanced past the kids’ menu. Em wants to punch Oleavia in the mouth and says Ben made a b-line for the mint because Oleavia has bad breath. Oleavia says she and Ben are on a high. In the end, Em and Jennifer get a not so great for their Mexican dish, Caila and Leah get a great, Nojo and Becca get an ok, Ben and Olivia get a not ok, and GI and LB win accolades from the chef.

Ben says he is no longer the bachelor. He’s the spatulor. (Sad.)

On the evening date, Olivia pulls Ben away first (as usual) and brags on camera about her Ben-giddy smile, Ben’s passion and her pitiful self while it’s GI’s turn to pout in the corner. Twin Em interrupts Oleavia’s time with Ben. The others meet with him and Ben ends up kissing all of them, especially LB (can’t take his hands off her). He sends GI Jubilee home.

You got that right. GI went home. Ben said she always pulls away from him. She wasn’t fun today. She says its hard. She pleads for affection. But he wants to be honest. He’s not feeling it anymore. Then he sends her packing and sits down on the stairs and cries.

Back in the room, he barely explains that he sent GI home when Nojo jumps at him for alone time to play the console card. Then she plays her my-boyfriend-dumped-me vulnerability card. Ben says it was hard sending GI home, and that he’s done breaking up with people. Nojo reminds him he has 10 more to go.

Then—sadly—the rose goes to someone that Ben says he has reconnected with, Oleavia, and Athletchic hollers into the TV that he doesn’t know what he is doing. Oh-just-leave Oleavia immediately starts flaunting and taunting her good fortune. She’s not going to rub it in the other girls’ faces, but Ben is hers (rub, rub).

When Athletchic is done gaging in the bathroom, we move on to the next one-on-one.

The Let’s-Design-a-Life-Together One-on-one Date

Ben and Kindergarten Lauren try on clothes at a retail store, then find out that they will be modeling in a fashion show.

They do awesome in the show, and then spend the evening dinner on a roof top. Kinderly brings up his sending Jubilee home and says it was noble of him (careful). Then she throws her my-boyfriend-of-four-years-cheated-on-me vulnerability card out but says on her last birthday she decided she could choose to be happy or to be a victim. She chose to be happy (homerun). Ben said he has seen a new side of her and is more attracted to her. He kisses her, gives her the rose, and they are serenaded by a street harpist—no big concert or romantic dancing–which makes us believe that, maybe, she was supposed to go home but Ben changed his mind.

We go pensively to what we think is going to be the rose ceremony.

The Oh-No-There-Isn’t-Going-to-be-a Rose Ceremony

The girls are scared. It’s over whelming. Oh-just-leave Olivia is relentless. The girls hate her. Ben comes in and the evening goes like this:

Nojo gets alone time and tells him she likes him a lot and does not want to be blindsided. Ben promises her she won’t be, so she knows she’s not going home. They kiss.

LB has time with him and reassures him she cares. They kiss. She’s in.

Oh-just-leave Olivia tells I’m-a-mommy Amanda that she feels like she’s watching an episode of teen mom. Mommy gets offended (rightly). Oleavia apologizes and tries to squeeze out a few tears. Twin Em gets so mad she does the throw-the-other-girl-under-the-bus thing with Oleavia. Ben starts asking the other girls about Oleavia. Mommy throws her under the bus, We-still-don’t-know-who-she-is Jen throws her under the bus, and Twin Em sobs on the phone to her sister Twin Hay, who was dumped by Ben last week, as if she’s going to get some sympathy.

Then, Ben says he wants to talk to Oh-just-leave Oleavia before he passes out roses. All the girls are giddy with hope he’s taking her rose away, but Oleavia redeems herself and then the absolute worst thing happens:

TO BE CONTINUED flashes across the screen, and we realize there isn’t going to be a rose ceremony. Revengefully, we click to watch Vanderpump Rules instead of The Bachelor Live.

Take that, producers, take that.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and a hopeless The Bachelor addict. Follow her on Instagram @athletchicz or Twitter @TweetyZ.

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR -SEASON 20, EPISODE 4 -#THEBACHELOR

Becca is back baby!

LB is sweet, Caila is fun and everyone’s still deciding about GI Jubilee, but Athletchic is flying high because Becca came back strong tonight when she scored one of two one-on-one dates in the wedding capital of the world, Viva Las Vegas! Here’s what happened:

The First One-on-One Helicopter-Rooftop Date

Before the date card arrives, Cankles talks big. She says Ben is her man and that she is “Zen with Ben,” (ripping this season’s biggest-loser title away from Luny Lace). But Jojo obliterates her dreams by getting the first date card.

Ben and Jojo Horse Head (we just can’t get that picture out of our heads) go to a roof top and sip Champaign on a little table as a helicopter descends to take them away. But all goes wrong as it lands close to them. The glasses fly out of their hands, the table tips and rolls, and for a minute we think Jojo’s top is going to fly right off her. The other Bachelorettes laugh as they watch from the hotel window. But the laughing stops when Ben takes Jojo in his arms and kisses her.

He continues kissing her (all in) on the Helicopter ride, and on the evening date, Jojo plays her sympathy card by admitting five months ago her ex cheated on her. Ben is sorry. She’s sure she’s ready for a new relationship. Ben is glad and yada yada, she gets the rose.

They go to yet another rooftop, fireworks erupt, and the Bachelorettes back at the hotel sadly remark it must be for Jojo. Cankle cries. One Twinnie says it is their home town, and she would have liked that. Then the camera switches back and forth from Ben kissing Horse Head (clearly not one of our favs) and Cankles saying she is still the front runner.

We move to the group date:

The Show-Me-What-You-Got Group Date

All the remaining girl’s names except Becca’s (yippee) are on the group date card. Becca smiles. Cankles pouts in the corner, and Kindergarten-teacher Lauren says she hopes they don’t have to put on nipple tassels. (Not very kinderly.)

Ben says he wants a girl who is fun and can come out of her shell, and he takes the girls to a show hall where they announce the girls will be the opening act for the Terry Fator ventriloquist show. Caila and Emily are super stoked. Cankles is confident and LB covers her face and says she has no talent.

Here’s how they do: The Twinnies twin it up to an Irish dance (A+); GI Jubilee plays the cello (B+); LB juggles humbly (B+); Mommy hula hoops (B); Caila hula dances (B+); Never–can-remember-her Rachel (we think) makes balloons (B); Kinder Lauren recites a poem in a chicken suit (C-); Leah pogo sticks across the stage in a clown suit (B), Jennifer or Rachel (not sure) hits balls with a tennis racket through a hula hoop (C-), Amber doesn’t get a grade because she doesn’t get on camera (not looking good), and you get the feeling the producers are setting Cankles up for the big one.

And they are. They roll out a cake, play music, and Cankles jumps out and does an I-talked-it-up-too-much-and-now-clearly-this-isn’t-working rendition of anything but a sexy dance. Ben covers his face. LB says it’s cringe-worthy. The other girls wince through their face-covering fingers, and even Athletchic feels sorry for this chic. It’s that bad. Afterwards, the ventriloquist insults Cankles, the other girls say they had fun, and Cankles crawls off in the corner and cries through a panic attack, saying she thinks Ben was mortified (looked it).

But she doesn’t disappoint. Here’s how the evening date alone time went:

Caila admits she had group-date stage fright, says she is shy but then goes in for a kiss.  Ben says she’s sweet but a tigress. Ben kisses her back (all in).

Kinder Lauren goofs off with a doll from the show. Ben says he wants to know the cute, fun-loving woman. Lauren kisses the doll, then Ben, and Ben kisses her back looking all in (almost).

Olivia asks to talk with him, says she needs a drink, that she did awful, but Ben graciously lies and says she was great. Cankles lies and says she’s not showy. Ben lies and says it wasn’t bad and one of the Twinnies cuts in (go Twinnie). Cankles leaves dejected in her washed-out colored dress/skort and then tells the camera she is scared

Sweet LB admits to Ben that she misses him and that it’s hard to navigate the feelings of everyone dating the same guy. Ben asks what he can do. And LB says all the right things: that there are a lot of amazing, wonderful women left and why would she be lucky enough for him to pick her. (Athletchic is out of her seat shouting at Ben to go get the rose!) Ben kisses her all in and LB moves to Athletchic’s second favorite bachelorette. (Ok she was always second.)

Twin Em gets three minutes with Ben because Cankles interrupts and gets second alone time. Ben apologizes to Em. Cankles says she wants to start over. She snaps her fingers (and we hope she disappears) and says she’s having a rough day. She wants to apologize. Ben says don’t apologize. She apologizes again. Don’t. Apologize. Don’t. Apologize and Ben gives her a peck on the cheek just to get rid of her.

And the rose goes to—LB! (Athletchic rises to her feet and cheers!!!!!!)

The Long-Awaited, One-on-One Ben and BECCA Date 

A box with a note arrives that says get dressed, it’s a big day. Becca pulls out a wedding gown. She puts it on; it fits like a glove. She is drop-dead gorgeous and all of the girls become upset.

But GI Jubilee puts everything in perspective by saying Becca is still a virgin, and if she hasn’t lost her virginity in 26 years, she isn’t going to lose it in six hours (best bash ever).

Becca and Ben arrive at a Las Vegas wedding church, and he gets down on one knee and asks Becca if she wants to marry……other people with him. Ben has been ordained and the two have some fun marrying couples (legally). Becca thanks him for choosing her to do this with him.

The evening date goes (imBECCAbly) well.  They talk virginity, non-virginity, beliefs, hopes, and we come away fully aware that Becca is way more into Ben than she ever was into Chris. And clearly she is not only Athletchic’s top runner, but one of Ben’s, too. She gets the rose and honestly we don’t remember the rest because we are too busy dancing around the room in glee.

Then, the next day we find out (ah-oh) there is going to be one more date:

The Oh-No-One-Twin-Is-Going-Home Double Date

Emily and Haley get an LV home-town date with Ben. He surprises them by taking them to see their mom, and this quickly turns into the most awkward home town date in Bachelor history. He lays on Ems bed and chats. Lays on Hay’s bed and chats. (We think, but honestly we can’t tell them apart.) Mom tells him Emily is more dominant, outgoing, but Haley is a thousand percent in once she opens up. Em throws Hay under the bus and then Ben talks seriously with all of them, looking each in the eye and addressing them as “Mom, you and you…” (He can’t tell them apart either) and says he is having more feelings for Emily as the twins sit there holding hands.(Then he hopes the right one stands up–but he can’t tell.)

Here’s the thing. It was bad enough one of them had to go. Did they really have to do it this way? We are sure this was the producer’s idea, but Athletchic is disappointed that Ben didn’t refuse to do this. Emily cries harder than Haley, and we move awkwardly along to the rose ceremony.

The Rose Ceremony

The drama continues as We-still-aren’t-sure-who-she-is Jen takes Ben away for alone time but only gets three minutes with him because (sigh) Olivia breaks in. Blah, blah, blah later, the other girls get alone time. GI Jubilee whines about feeling insecure, but Cankles hogs the drama by continually interviewing about how sure she is that she’s getting a rose and how she hates it that she gets the last rose, so we are hopeful—extremely hopeful—that they are setting her up to go home.

And the roses go to Amanda (mommy); Lauren H (Not-so-Kinderly); GI Jubilee; Twin Em (wow—that would have been awkward); Caila; Still-not-sure-who-she-is Jennifer; Leah; and last but not least—Cankles (they set us up-not her).

Sadly, we say goodbye to Rachel and Amber instead of Cankles, and we remain angry at producers for sending twin Haley home so awfully.

Here’s the deal, Ben, unless you are 100% sure that Emily is the girl for you, and we highly doubt you are, you should have sent them home together.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor enthusiast. Follow her on Instagram @athletchicz and on Twitter @tweetyz.

 

 

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 3 – THE BACHELOR

I’m-not-crazy Lace elects to leave the show and Ugly-toes-and-cankles Olivia quickly takes her place as drama queen. But she has some competition from Amber and GI Jubilee.

If you missed episode 3, here’s what happened:

One-on-one Date

One of Athletchic’s favorites, Lauren B, gets this Sky’s-the-Limit date and takes off into the air with Ben in a single-engine plane that might scare some women. But she’s a flight attendant. She’s fine. They fly over the Bachelor Mansion and end up in an LA barren valley where a hot tub magically appears. They change behind one, lone tree. Sip champagne. Kiss. Ben passes gas. (Yep. Watch the credits.) And we are on to the evening date.

Pretty little Lauren tells Ben she is from a strong-knit family and likes the simple things in life. She says she wants to marry someone like her dad who was a great father, and Ben talks about his father’s recent by-pass surgery. He kisses her (all in) and gives her the rose. Then he walks her to a barn where, once inside, they dance sweetly in each other’s arms serenaded by Lucy Angel.

Back at the mansion the girls get teary eyed because, well, they know there’s no chance Pretty-little Lauren is going home. She’s just too nice. And it was hard watching Ben fly away with her.

The date card comes and we are off to the group date.

The Love-is-the-goal Group Date  

The twins, Amanda, Lauren H, Jennifer, Shashana, Leah, Amber, Olivia, Jami, Rachel, and Lace find themselves at Exposition Park’s Memorial Coliseum playing soccer with World-Cup players Alex Morgan and Kelley O’Hara. They break into teams but the excitement doesn’t last long because they find the losers are going home.

Lace’s team goes home and Olivia’s team stays.

At the evening date, Olivia takes Ben aside right away, goes to a balcony above the other girls, and hollers down to them, flaunting her alone time with Ben. She doesn’t get the rose. Amber does. But she says she knows Ben can’t always give her the rose but he gives her little physical signs like putting his hand on her leg before he leaves that mean he is really  hers. (Huh?)

Back at the mansion, Jubilee jumps for joy when they read her name and she realizes she is getting the second one-on-one date. She apologizes. But it is too late. The girls are already not liking her.

GI Jubilee’s One-on-one Date

Here’s the thing. When the helicopter touches down at Bachelor Mansion for the date, helicopter-shy, GI Jubilee nervously makes the mistake of saying “Does anyone want to go on my date for me?” The girls take it as a flaunt, and she’s done. Period. The girls chew her name up and spit her out while she is gone.

But the date goes well. They fly over LA, spend time at the elegant Cal-a-vie Health Spa, and then talk seriously at dinner, where GI Ju says she is shy, lacks confidence and has a lot of layers. Ben says that’s what he likes about her. He gives her the rose. She is so happy and surprised that she ends up teary-eyed in his arms. It’s a sweet moment, and we come away feeling like she might be an ok choice for him, except then we get terribly confused about her at the:

Rose Ceremony

Ben comes in and sadly announces two family friends were killed in an airplane crash, and Olivia asks if she can steel him away. We think she is going to console him, but nope, she’s talking toes, ankles and cankles. In fact, she cries about it. Says she’s been teased in the past about her toes, putting her in the running for the most-selfish alone time in the history of The Bachelor. (Is this chic really that self-centered?) Even Ben isn’t nice enough to act all mushy about her cankles.

The next thing we know, Jubilee has whisked Ben away and she’s giving him a massage, steeling precious alone time that girls who do not have a rose want (will the rose-holders never learn?). The no-rose girls become so angry they can’t contain themselves. Someone else steps in for time with Ben, and a fight breaks out between Amber and Jubilee. Jubilee tries not to get involved but Amber won’t let it alone. Jubilee sobs. Ben comes. Amber doesn’t let up, and the next thing we know I’m-not-crazy Lace is tugging Ben away for a chat.

She takes him out front. Apologizes. Cries. And tries to save face by saying she doesn’t like how she’s been acting, can’t take it and is going home. (See ya wouldn’t want to be ya.)

And the roses go to: Lauren H (Kindergarten teacher); Amanda (mommy); BECCA (woohoo Athletchic’s favorite!); The twins; Still-don’t-know-who-she-is Rachel; Caila; Jojo (horse head); Jennifer; Leah; and last but not least Olivia, who reminds us that even though she is last, Ben is communicating with her by little physical signs. (What is in the water at that mansion?)

I’m a huge Bachlor fan, but this was one, down-right boring episode and next week’s not looking much better. (Sigh.)

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and avid Bachelor fan. Follow her on Twitter @Tweetyz or Instagram @athletchicz.

 

 

 

 

 

 

REALITY RECAP – THE BACHELOR – SEASON 20, EPISODE 2 – #THEBACHELOR

I’m-not-crazy Lace beats out Mad-Hatter Mindy for the Bachelorette more likely to play Lorena Bobbitt in a lifetime Movie.

After seven days, Athletchic was still scratching her head and wondering how these two girls made it to day two.  Ben picked them last in episode one, reviving rumors that the Bachelor really only gets to pick 18 out of 20 girls and the producers pick 2.

Here’s what happened Monday night:

Back-to-School Group Date

Ben picks Jackie, LB, Becca (yippee), Lauren H, Three’s-the-charm Amber, Mad-hatter Mindy, G-I Jubilee, Jennifer and, take a deep breath, Looney Lace who says this will be her opportunity to prove she’s not crazy (not).

The girls compete at a school to be the Home Coming Queen. First, they must complete a project to make a volcano erupt. G-I Jubilee gets stuck partnering with Lace and loses. The rest move on to a bob-for-apples competition (lame) where Jackie and Jennifer  are knocked out of the games.

The others move to a geography test. Becca and Jojo put Ohio on the map sideways (embarrassing) and they are out. The final four shoot hoops. Mindy and Amber win but have to race each other on the track, jumping hurdles. Amber talks it up but Mindy beats her and then drives around the field in a convertible with a homecoming crown and Ben. (Weird.)

On the evening date, the girls fight for time with Ben.

Becca takes Ben aside and shoots some hoops (nothing but net), but he doesn’t kiss her. He kisses Jennifer on her alone time. LACE steals him away during Mad Mindy’s alone time and says she isn’t crazy but afterwards says they were staring so intensely at each other that they were eye F’ing (crazy). Fortunately, Jubilee steals Ben away, tells him she was born in Haiti, spent her first years in an orphanage. They hug. He kisses her, but we think she’s more into it than him.

Lace goes off the deep end (Apparently she’s forgotten that she’s not F’ing crazy.) and steals him away again to tell him that she’s not crazy. The girls have a fit. Ben takes Jojo for a walk, says he likes her and then kisses her (all-in) on the top of a building with the lights of LA romantically glowing in the background.

He gives the rose to Jojo. Jubilee cries. I’m-not-crazy Lace gets crazy and we all move on to:

The First One-on-One Date

Newsy says she will be surprised if she doesn’t get the first one-on-one date. Surprise!

The date goes to Caila. But before they leave, Ice Cube and Kevin Heart show up to “Ride Along” and the four embark on an LA adventure that has everyone wondering how anything could ever get done with Heart in tow. He even shows up in the hot tub with Ben and Caila—naked! But mercifully leaves them before the evening date where the two head to a quiet dinner, and Caila hits an absolute home run with Ben (Athletchic, too). He gives her the rose, they walk off, see their names on a Theater Marquee, go inside and Amos Lee gives them a private concert. Clearly this chic is going to give Becca a run for her money.

The Five-blondes-and-a-Russian Group Date

Passed-the-bar-exam Sam, Newsy, the twins, Amanda and Shashana take off to a scientific love research lab to determine who is the most compatible with Ben.

They flash pictures in front of each girl and study them. Blindfold Ben and have him smell them (yep) and then go into a room individually and touch Ben while the other Bachelorettes watch their colored energy on a screen. Olivia wants to kiss Ben while she is there, but Ben’s not having it. Says he won’t kiss her in front of everyone. (You gotta love this guy.) The lowest score, most incompatible, goes to Bar-exam Sam, who Ben said smelled sour. Her score was 2.4 of 10. Newsy Olivia earns the most compatible score of 7.5 but loses face with the other women.

She says she was confident that it would turn out that way and laughs out a “Winning” that makes viewers sorry they ever liked her. On the evening date, Ben talks to her first. They kiss. She goes back to the other girls. Won’t tell anything. And the girls think she thinks she’s high and mighty.One twin talks to Ben. He smells Jojo again and tries to make her feel better by saying she smells like passion fruit and, miraculously, Shashana talks to him fluently in English. Amanda tells Ben about her two little girls. Ben takes it well. Says kids don’t scare him and kisses her.

But he gives the rose to Olivia. The other girls get mad. Amanda cries and wonders if this is worth being away from her girls. And we are on to the Rose Ceremony.

The Rose Ceremony

Newsy Olivia pisses everyone off when she takes Ben away even though she already has a rose. Lace says she’s not crazy but takes Ben away at least twice, maybe three times, and then steals Newsy away for a conversation that we heard but still aren’t sure what it was about.

Then Bachelor Ben shows his true colors. He steals Amanda away and sits gluing little flowers on little barrettes for Amanda’s daughters, reminding us how much we like him.   

And the roses go to Amanda (glad he picked her first), G-I Jubilee, Lauren B, Hiked-the-football Leah, BECCA , Can’t-remember-anything-about-her Rachel, I’m-not-crazy-Lace (really?),LB—but wait—she wants to talk to him.

She takes him out of the room and tells him she just can’t do this. It’s too hard. He walks her out to the car and you spot glimpses of I-m-not-lovable Ben.

Once back, Ben hands out the remaining roses to—Jennifer, Twin Emily, Jaime the bartender (w-what? not twin number two?), Lauren H, Shashana, Twin Hayley (phew-that would have lowered his notch) and Third-time’s-the-charm Amber.

And we waived good bye to Mad Mindy (one down, one to go), Jackie and Passed-the-bar-exam Sam.

Boring overall, but Bachelor Live afterwards spiced it up by bringing in Chris Jenner, who is a Bachelor fan. She is down-to-earth, smart, kind and a joy to watch. She sits alongside Chris Soules (we still can’t figure out why he is hanging around), answers questions and gives advice kindly to Newsy Olivia by saying she may want to tone it down a bit.

Later, Jimmy Kimmel wonders if Ben was afraid NOT to pick I’m-not-crazy Lace and Athletchic yawns and   turns the DVR on to watch Vanderpump Rules. Next week has got to be better.

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Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor addict. Follow her on Twitter @Tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchicz.

 

Reality Recap – The Bachelor – Season 19, Episode 9 – #TheBachelor

Fantasy Suite

Would you sleep with a guy if he slept with your friend the night before? (No responses from Utah please.)

I absolutely hate myself for liking the Bachelor over-night episode. But I do. I look forward to it. Every time that key arrives, I secretly hope the girls will turn him down, and when they don’t, I tell my old-fashioned self that nothing intimate goes on when those Fantasy Suite doors close.

Then Nick Viall came along (gasp) and pretty much nipped my theory in the bud by asking Andi how she could dump him after they had sex in the Fantasy Suite—which might be the reason Andi and Josh are toast now. (Big Olivia teaching tool.)

Still I had faith in these women. I like them—all three of them. And I was sure Becca and Whitney would say they’d go but just to talk. That left me high-eyebrowing about Kaitlyn’s fantasy suite capers. So I couldn’t help myself. I broke my own cardinal rule. I looked on-line for a Kaitlyn preview.

Here’s the disadvantage of that. They show a clip of Chris walking Becca (Athletchics front runner) off at the rose ceremony, and instantly I am sorry Chris was picked as the bachelor at all.

Then here’s what happened:

The Already-Know-She’s-Not-a-Virgin Kaitlyn Over Night Date

 Kaitlyn says she still has her guard up and is scared of losing Chris. But the magic of Bali (and the beer) brings her out of her shell.

This is how it goes: A Monkey pees on Chris. Kaitlyn says she wants to be like a monkey and go after anything she wants. They kiss. Kaitlyn said her family loved Chris. And at the evening dinner, they look goo-goo eyed at each other. They talk comfortably. Kaitlyn is excited but terrified. She’s vulnerable, and we can’t help liking her a bit.

Chris pulls out the Fantasy Suite card. Kaitlyn says yes. Chris says we’re on the same page and Kaitlyn says she’s falling in love with him. Then (uh-oh) he says he’s falling in love with her as well.

As well? I have to play it over. Yep—as well. You might say “I like that brand of wine as well” or “that large growth mutual stock as well”, but you’re in love as well? I’m not buying it. The night goes on. They sit on the bed with wine glasses. Kiss. Chris draws the shade. And we are on to sleep over number two.

Whitney (the Baby Maker) Over Night Date

We start off with Chris wondering how hard Whitney’s making-babies to counting-cows transformation will be.  (Front runner.)

Here’s how the day date goes: They ride in a boat. Whitney goes on in her is-your-mommy-home voice about how normal it all feels, about her family, her sister, and her feelings for Chris. Chris reassures her he has the same feelings. Her voice rises in happiness (or was that a dolphin? we can’t tell). They jump off the boat into the water. They kiss. They kiss again. And Whitney is very confident she’ll marry Chris.

But as well as the day goes, Chris still isn’t sure she’s ready to reside in corn-shucking paradise. So the big discussion ensues on the evening date. Can she give up her job? Des Moines is three hours away. Chris doesn’t like to eat alone. He starts sweating.

So? Whitney asks. And you think she might lay into him about quitting her job. Instead she says she wants to be a wife and mother. She would leave it all behind and happily have babies. (Give me a break.) It’s not where you are, it’s who you are with. They kiss. Chris says he’s falling in love and could see himself proposing to Whitney.

The card comes. Whitney says check please, and they end up in a fantasy suite dappled with candles and rose pedals. Whitney feels confident that it is time to start a life with this man. (Let’s hope not tonight.)

Becca’s Brace-Yourself-I’m-A-Virgin Over Night Date  

 Becca announces (to us not Chris) that not only is she a virgin, but she is waiting until marriage. Chris admits he’s a little concerned that Becca has never been in love (to us not Becca).

The day date goes like this: They play in a village with kids. Visit a temple. Becca says (to us not Chris) it would be devastating if her virginity was a deal breaker. Immediately, the camera switches to a strange, sooth-saying medium who advises her to make love to Chris tonight. (Yikes!) Chris is amazed at how good it feels to be with Becca. They kiss in a babbling brook.

Then, just in case we like Becca, the producers once again show a preview of Chris calling Becca out at the rose ceremony. (Blood boils.) Then they cut to the evening date. Becca says she’s having new feelings. Chris says he loves who Becca is and can envision his life with her but is still concerned.

Becca says finding someone to marry is a really big deal. She only wants to do this once. Arlington is small. She doesn’t want to go there until she is sure. But she’s been sorting through her feelings. She misses him. She thinks she’s falling in love. Then it happens. Chris gets a smile that gives me a glimmer of hope. He says he is crazy about her. She’s incredible, and it’s time to know each other on a whole different level. (Not so fast Casanova). It’s a big day for them. They proceed to the fantasy suite.

Then she drops the bomb. She’s falling in love, but she sighs and admits she’s a virgin. He does that little thing he does when he doesn’t know what to say. (Chin up, tiny nod, hard blink, pensive look.) He stumbles over his words, but says he respects her. It says a lot about who she is (remotely familiar to Jade-bunny talk). But Becca thinks his response is perfect, and she can’t wait for the alone time. She’s 100% in, and we think everything is dandy until the next morning Chris says he doesn’t know where he stands with her. He’s terrified. He has to send Becca, Kaitlyn or even Whitney home. (Front runner Whitney confirmation.) Then he cries (again) and mopes around Bali in dull-drum Arlington-attire.

The Much Feared Rose Ceremony

We’re holding our hands over our eyes because we know what’s coming. Chris tells Chris he knows what he’s going to do. Then he walks up to the roses, takes a look at the three women and asks Becca if he can talk to her.

Whitney smiles but then catches herself and says she doesn’t know what to think. She tells us Becca said she thinks she’s going home. Kaitlyn can’t contain herself. She’s thrilled Becca is leaving.

We hold our breath while Chris and Becca talk, and we wait to see if he comes back with her or not.

Oh shoot, we hear Kaitlyn say, and then we see Chris and Becca walking back to the rose ceremony holding hands. No time is wasted. Chris picks up a rose and says…Whitney….

I am out of my seat jumping up and down. Please say Becca. Please say Becca. And he does say Becca. Phew. (Exhausting.) We sit back sure he did the right thing. Whitney and Becca are the right choice.

We watch him walk Kaitlyn out. She doesn’t understand. What happened? Nothing happened. This is excruciating. He had no idea this would be this hard. And suddenly, it occurs to us he could have slept with her, but we don’t care. We just feel bad for her. She’s crushed. She can barely talk. We hear sobbing when they hug, and for as much as I hate it when Chris cries, I wish it is him. But it’s not.

He says goodbye. She says she doesn’t want to go, but (que sera sera—this is looking too much like real life) he opens the door for her anyhow, and she goes. And while I’m quite sure there is some deep, dark lesson to be learned by Olivia tonight, right now, I just feel bad I didn’t like Kaitlyn a little more. (Sigh.)

See you next week for the Bachelor Tells All.

_________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.

Reality Recap – The Bachelor – Season 19, Episode 7 – #TheBachelor

 Is Brit Going Home?

I may be dangling on a limb here, but is Becca too sensible to be on this show?

I’ve always thought the Bachelor was my guilty pleasure, but my friend Carol said it is more than that. It’s a teaching tool. Her daughter Olivia can witness how not to act and benefit from the mistakes other women make without making them herself.

So because of Carol and Olivia, I am routing whole-heatedly for Becca. I can’t even call her the closet-virgin, because she’s even too logical for that. She’s simply a virgin. Doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Hasn’t met the right man. And Athletchic believes that is more wholesome than 95% of the prime time shows.

Here’s what happened on day two of the two-parter:

Becca’s One-on-One Date Left Over from Sunday Night

We had to do a double take when Becca jumped at Chris and wrapped her arms and legs around him. It seemed unlike her. But we loved it.

Chris takes Becca to his loft apartment, and Becca admits she’s never been in love. She dated one guy off and on for four years but knew he wouldn’t be the father of her children. (It just gets better and better with her.) They chat, hug on the rooftop and Becca doesn’t want it to end. Their silhouette betrays their kiss in the rays of the setting sun.

Back at the ranch, life is much more dramatic. Brit gives the other girls a sob story that she is going home before the rose ceremony. They don’t buy it and ask for sure? Yes for sure.  You’re set on that then? Well probably for sure.  So you won’t change your mind? Well I don’t think so but maybe for sure. She says she feels like they are harassing her, and then performs a cry, cry, cry routine that clearly says–doesn’t anyone feel sorry for me?

Nope. We’ve got your number

The girls get ready for the rose ceremony and Brit gets all guzzied up in her best dress yet to go home. Then, Chris Harrison announces there isn’t going to be a rose ceremony. AWESOME!!! Brit nearly passes out.  (No cab yet?)

The Rose Ceremony

Chris begins talking. Brit interrupts. The two of them leave. The girls congregate and say they knew Brit would try and talk herself back into the picture.

Brit apologizes. Chris says her behavior was disrespectful and that the other girls say she’s lying. Brit asks if it was Carly. It doesn’t matter, he says. But yes it was Carly. She squeezes it out of him. (No backbone.) They go back and forth and then Chris does it; he sends her home. (Go Chri-is; go Chri-is.) Shell-shocked Brit’s black mascara runs down her face, and she ends up outside crying as loud as she can in the hope that Chris will come after her.

He doesn’t. (Woohoo!) And eventually her whaling dies out.

No time for celebration because the ceremony continues. Kaitlyn already has a rose, and Chris hands out three more roses to Whitney, Becca, Jade and Carly goes home. (It could have been worse. You could have walked out with Brit.) Then we are on to meet the families.

Becca’s Home Town Date in Shreveport, LA

Chris is the first guy she’s ever brought home to meet her family. He’s nervous but fits in early on. We get the feeling all is well until Becca’s sister takes Chris away and tells him Becca isn’t an intimate person. She’s never had the urge to be close to a man. She’s concerned. Then Chris becomes concerned. (Nice going sis.)

The interview with Mom is better. She says she’s never seen Becca like this. They are a familyIMG_2666 and if one hurts they all hurt and if one loves, they all love. Then she tells him not to break her daughter’s heart. Be sweet.  And Chris says it would be great to be the guy that Becca’s been waiting for. (Hmmm, not sure I liked the way that came out.)

After the family visit, Chris surprises Becca and takes her on a private Ferris wheel. Becca says it is the best day ever and even though she has never been in love, she wonders if this feeling she is having is the beginning of love. She says if this works out between her and Chris, she may look back on this day and say I think that was the day I fell in love. (Awww, sweet.) Then we are off to the next family.

Hit the Mute Button It’s Whitney’s Chicago Home Town Date

 Right off the bat Whitney asks if he would like to make a baby. (Homerun.) She takes him to the fertility clinic. They change and Chris looks like a doofus in scrubs, but Whitney thinks he’s sexy.

They watch with fascination as a sperm is interjected into an egg, and Chris mentions that Whitney makes babies and he makes corn. He’s impressed with her job. But then the fun Whitney comes out and she takes Chris to the man room where dozens of Play boy books intend to help men along when they are donating sperm. (Any Jade issues?)  They offer a male specimen jar to him, and Whitney teases they can test Chris’s sperm. Chris says he’s pretty sure his soldiers are marching.

At the home visit, Uncle John describes Whitney as vulnerable and strong. Chris agrees. Whitney talks to her sister, Kim, and says her feelings for Chris are real. Her sister asks if she could live away from her family in such a small town. Whitney asks for her sister’s approval, but she won’t give it without knowing for sure that Chris loves her.  Whitney cries. Mentions her mom. Then Chris asks Kim for her blessing if he wants to marry her. (We like Whitney but this scares us for our front runner. Hopefully they’re attempting a throw-off.)Kim says, eh call back once you’re sure.

Once alone, Whitney says she’s fallen in love with Chris. She cries. (Was he crying again? We couldn’t look.) And the date with squeaky voice comes to a close.

 Kaitlyn’s Home Town Visit

It starts by the dumpster. (Freudian?) But quickly moves to a recording studio where Kaitlyn and Chris write and record their own rap. Kaitlyn does awesome. Chris doesn’t.

They head to meet the family—parents,  steps, and sister. We miss a little of her conversation marveling over the fire-pit, stone dinner table. (Did you see that thing?) She tells her mother she hearts him. (OMG.) The conversation gets a little weepy and we start to like Kaitlyn. She’s a little vulnerable. W didn’t expect that. Then she ruins it by walking Chris outside to a lit up bill board that has her name, Kaitlyn, a heart and Chris.

The Much Awaited Sweet Jade’s Home Town in Cary/Gary Nebraska

They go right to her house. Chris awkwardly gives Jade a Star’s football jacket from his high school. (Sounded like a good idea.) Chris talks to dad. He admits he’s falling in love with Jade. Dad says a lot of her boyfriends say she’s too much for them. He wants Jade to be able to live free but be loved. Chris is confused and thinks her dad is hinting about a different Jade. So he talks to her brother, who says Jade is a wild mustang, free spirit. (W..w..what?)

Jade and her dad talk. Jade says she’s changed. Chris’s right for her. She cries. Dad cries. They hug. He trusts her heart. And she knows she has to tell Chris she’s a bunny.

Finally, she gets him alone and slowly tells him. Chris keeps a straight face but stays quiet. He twitches a little. Then she asks if he wants to see the pics (awkward) and brings them up on the computer. Chris doesn’t know whether to look. He feels it’s inappropriate. We hear a clip with her talking. There’s a video. (Is she seriously showing him this?)

So much for sweet, innocent Jade. Chris blushes, twitches again and doesn’t know what to say. He talks up some cockamamie story that she’s who she is. He respects her and blah, blah. He saw a lot about her today. (No kidding.) They kiss. He says her nudie-pie pics are not a deal breaker. She can still be a good mother. If she’s his soul mate, he’ll stand by her no matter what’s on the internet. (Oy vey.)  She’s relieved.

The Rose Ceremony

(Frankly we’re just glad their having one.)IMG_2732

He picks Whitney, Kaitlyn and then it’s down to the bunny or the closet virgin. (OMG!!!) He keeps sweet Becca and we collapse back on the couch. Then we watch Jade leave. Chris says it’s not the nudie pics and he’s not even sure he is making the right decision. He cries. She cries. We can’t figure out who cries more, but we are happy. Becca has survived.

They end the show with a clip of Whitney and Chris chatting on a couch and Whitney’s dog, well

Making whoopee with a toy. (Really? You saved this for last?)

So, there are many lessons learned by Olivia tonight. First, just because you are drop-dead gorgeous like Brit (and Olivia is) never get caught up in yourself and lie. Be truthful. Second, don’t relish in someone else’s misfortune, like Carly did. And thirdly, never, ever, ever take your clothes off in front of a camera.

(Let us know who your favorite is with a picture or take a selfie while you are watching the Bachelor and we may use it in our blog. Email to info@athletchic.com by 11PM Monday night.)

_________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.

Reality Recap – The Bachelor – Season 19, Episode 7 – #TheBachelor

Is It an Episode or an Interview?

The Bachelor—two days in a row? Not sure I can take it!

I don’t know about you, but I love these interviews. Contestants flaunt their back-peddling skills as they dance around the real issues. (Like why would you go on this show in the first place?)

Personally, I think they should have brought in is-that-an-onion Ashley. Anyway, here’s what happened on Day One of the Two Day Fiasco:

The Kelsey Interview

Chris Harrison calls out left-in-the-bad-lands Kelsey as being the most controversial contestant. Kelsey can’t believe it. Chris asks if she faked the panic attack. She responds no after a long pause then says she’s not narcissistic; she felt flooded. When Chris mentions she recovered quickly, she says she harnessed her thoughts by focusing on humor. (Huh?) In other words, she laughed (like the wicked witch) because she was embarrassed. (Thanks for the clarification.)

Chris asks about the bad-lands double break-up and Ashley (pick-me-I’m-a-virgin Ashley not onion Ashley). Kelsey said she was surprised Ashley was never mean to her. She was blind-sided, then it cuts to Kelsey’s evaluation interview of Ashley. The astute evaluation goes like this: she’s a Kardashian wanna-be; she likes to play dress up; she wears too much makeup. (How much did that counseling degree cost you?)

Finally, is she anxious to see the other women? Well, she is the kind one, she says. She wants to give the other girls the benefit of the doubt. (We’ll see how that works at the bachelor tells all.)

The Chris-and-Chris Interview

 Bachelor Chris tells straight-man Chris that it’s a lot of fun but getting difficult.

Straight gets right to the point. Why’d you rat out Ashley? Chris answers that he knows nothing about women. (Lame should be his middle name.) He had feelings for someone else. No relationship would have evolved with either left-me-crying-in-the-dessertley.

What about onion Ashley? Chris smiles. He first noticed she was nuts at the zombie date. Then straight Chris admits Ashley wandered around the set at night when everyone was asleep. She thought there was a betting ring in the stage hands’ trailer. Bachelor Chris said a little heads up would have been nice, and then they run never-seen-before clips of onion Ashley wandering the set and saying Chris’s leather smells great. Straight Chris says her audio tape was normal. (Relative.)

Then they reminisce. They mention the over-imbibers Tara and Jordan, the love guru, Sully the jack-ass, Chris’s sad goodbye to Julia and Jillian’s hot pants. Chris asks Chris if he ever really liked Jillian. He didn’t like her core (c’mon if anything she had a good core), but after all he was a man.

Then Straight man Chris ends the interview by saying bachelor Chris is really the most sincere bachelor ever. (Because he cries so much?)

The I’m-Not-Giving-Out-Any-Info Andi Interview

 I don’t think I can say much more than that.

What went wrong? Chris tries to drag it out of Andi. Andi admits they were struggling before the  premier, and that they broke up two days later. It was mutual. (Cry.) She loved him. (Cry.) Chris asks why? (Cry.) She says she was 100% sure at the time it was right. (Cry.) Why? (Cry.) We are so much alike. (Cry.)  It was Mutual. (Cry.) They’re still friends and she’ll always care for him. (Wipes her nose on her wrist.)

Then something strange happens. Straight-man Chris breaks into a counseling session with I-can’t-stop-crying Andi. It goes like this: You’re not a failure.  Believe me I understand. It breaks my heart to see you broken-hearted, yada yada yada, and we come away wondering if straight-man Chris has a crush on I’m-a-DA Andi.

Then the evening turns to:

The Wait-there’s-a-Rose-Ceremony? Rose Ceremony

Didn’t see that coming. I thought the Ashley-Kelsey send off negated the rose ceremony.

Evidently the girls did, too. They asked Chris what made him send the duo packing. Chris hem haws around (Iowa style) without any real reason. Then what’s-her-name Megan gets one-on-one time and mentions she’s noticed Chris has developed stronger relationships with other girls, and we can’t figure out whether she’s being nice or just plain stupid. He says he has and it’s time for her to go. (Lessened learned—don’t ask.) She rides off but graciously says everything happens for a reason. (Ok she’s nice.) Chris sits down on the curb and cries as if it’s his turn to have the panic attack.

The girls look sad that Megan left. Chris says one more girl has to go, and they aren’t sad for Megan any more. Chris says “this is painful”, and then “see ya at the rose ceremony”. Brit starts hugging Whitney. Whitney worries for Carly. Carly’s going to puke. And sweet Jade says it feels like a bomb has dropped.

Chris returns. He feels good about all the girls and no one is going home. Sigh of relief. He wants all to go to Idaho (Which is a good because his home town is a hard sell.)

Carly collapses in happiness. Brit is honored to be invited. The moon goes down. The girls arrive at their Des Moiré apartment. Jade’s name is on the first one-on-one date. And Chris is in his home town, three hours away, talking to cows.

The First Iowa One-on-One

“So who will like the farm?” Chris wonders as he waits for Jade.

And Jade rides and rides. It’s a dirt road along side miles of grass.  Jade remarks being from a small town might give her an edge. She meets Chris. He shows her a string of brown fields, then takes her downtown. Ok it’s not a downtown. There are only two businesses. No restaurants or bars (good the imbibing twins didn’t last) and some neighbor who brews coffee for people at 5 AM (creepy). Jade’s face looks panicked. (I think she realizes why he kept so many girls.) She’s not loving the ghost town. Where are the people?

They find all 400 of the town people at a high school football game –it is where Chris once played. Jade meets his coach and his mom and dad. The football players pick up their horns and play in the band at half time. Jade and Chris head to his school. They go to his English classroom. They kiss. Chris says it feels more like French and two hours later Jimmy Kimmel asks him why he said that and what is wrong with him.

Half time ends. The mist moves in. His team loses. But Jade makes him feel like she would fit in there. Then the Iowa corn gets to Chris. He pumps his fist in Judd-Nelson Breakfast Club manner (I’d like to say lame but it was actually pretty good) as they walk across the football field.

The Second One-on-One

Whitney gets the second date and the two spend the day taking selfies. Whitney says they are documenting their love, and she wants to keep all the pics for their kids.

They dine. Whitney meets three of Chris’ best friends. They don’t mind her voice, and they give her their blessing. Chris and Whitney kiss in the restaurant while a wall of people clap for them through a glass window.

Then Whitney tells Chris her mother died ten years ago from a blood clot at 50 years old. She
admits she doesn’t talk to her dad, but says she would love to be a part of his family and looks forward to calling someone mom and dad again. (Good move.) Chris takes her outside. One of their pictures has been painted into a wall mural. Whitney cries and says it is the most amazing moment of her life. (She has to get out more.)

Back at the house, the other girls decide to take a road trip to Arlington. Brit says no but goes anyway. They ride for three hours and then breeze through Arlington in 20 seconds.

Panic sets in. They get out. There aren’t any businesses. No people. Everything is locked—even the church. Carly looks through the church window and sees Jesus in what is the spitting image of her grandmother’s picture frame. She thinks it’s a sign. (Weird.)They meet a man. He ends up being the pastor.  And Brit sees a sunset on the way back to Des Moines.

The Group Date

Brit, Carly and Kaitlyn get the group date. Carly paints Brit’s face on her hand and pretends her hand is saying “my name is Brit and Carly is taking me down”. (That they’re playing this is truly a bad sign for Carly.) Jade admits she posed nude to Carly and that her dad found out about it from his co-worker (eew). Carly feels bad but says if Chris picks Jade what will he say? “Hey mom, don’t Google my wife.”

Here’s how the date goes: They skate; play hockey; fall down; get up; Brit tells Chris they went to Arlington the day before and that she felt alive there. Carly does a perfect imitation of the I-love-everything-about-Chris-and-Arlington Brit. Then Chris says he could see Brit living there with him.

Then it happens. Carly gets one-on-one time and throws Brit under the bus. (Couldn’t you just claw your way through the TV set when that happens?) Says Brit hates Arlington.  Chris says thank you. Carly cries. Chris talks to Brit. Brit says she loves Arlington, looks forward to trying it, wants kids and when Chris kisses Brit we still aren’t sure he’s buying it.

Then Chris takes Kaitlyn for one-on-one time. Kaitlyn is honest about feeling a little insecure. Chris reassures her and gives her the rose. (In your face Brit.) Kaitlyn crumbles in happiness. (We’re starting to like this chic.)

Back on the couch Brit’s oozing green. When Kaitlyn and Chris return, her true colors come out. She lays into him for not giving her the rose right in front of the other two girls. Her I’m-a-princess attitude changes to a woe-is-me cry when Chris asks her if she wants to go home. Brit tries to play on his emotions but it doesn’t work. She back peddles, cries, begs pity, but no luck Brit! (He’s on to you.)

It ends.

Thank heaven we only have to wait until tomorrow to watch Chris give Brit the boot. (Fingers crossed.)

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Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.

Reality Recap – The Bachelor – Season 19, Episode 6 – #TheBachelor

SoulE-Searching

Shower-shy Brit and She-might-be-a-widow Kelsey were abruptly bumped off Athletchic’s favorite list last week. So we had to do a little Soule–searching for a new favorite.

Before tonight’s show, we considered two potential “favorite” replacements who seemed fairly sane: Jade and Whitney. (Although we’re still not sure we can get past Whitney’s voice.)

Then here’s what happened:

The Rose Ceremony unnamed[1] (3)

It may just have been the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.

Brit already had a rose, so it didn’t matter whether she wanted no children or 100 children. The rerun of Kelsey’s I-love-my-widow-story interview was so creepy that it made Life Time Channel Movies look like Disney stories.  And after six days and 21 hours, Kelsey was still rolling around on the floor. IMG_2643She cried, sucked oxygen, joked about brownies, said she deserved a rose and then whaled out a laugh that made the wicked witch of the west’s laugh sound like a whimper.

They interview Carly, Kaitlyn, and Pick-me-pick-me-I’m-a-virgin Ashley who asked to see Kelsey’s husband’s death certificate. (You doubt me, but I am pretty sure I’m right.)

Chris handed out the roses to: Sweet Jade, Not-a-virgin Kaitlyn, What’s-her-name Megan, Becca, Ashley, and (drum roll) Kelsey. Too-young-to-have-a-baby McKenzie and Too-nice-to-remember Samantha are sent home. The others are off to Deadwood, South Dakota.

The One-On-One Date

The Closet-virgin Becca gets the one-on-one date, and that’s ok because she’s sort of a sleeper (as virgins usually are).

The date goes like this: Becca gets on a horse. Chris says she’s smokin’ hot. They ride; they shoot. They giggle, flirt and Chris gives Becca the rose. But it isn’t like last week with Carly. It’s authentic. Becca is sincere. She’s sweet. She’s a little embarrassed and says no one wants their dad to see them kissing.

(Jade and Whitney move down a notch.)

Becca says the kiss was magical. It felt good. It was right. And when she lowered her head and used her inside voice to say “sorry dad,” I scratched a line through Jade and Whitney’s names and replaced it with Becca, the closet virgin.

But the show wasn’t over yet.

The Sorta Group Date

Whitney, Jade, Megan, Carly, Brit, and Kaitlyn are named for the group date. (Yippee!  Pick-me virgin and Love-my-story widow will have to face off in the two-on-one date. One of those babes is going home.)

The sorta-group girls compose their own country song and sing it not only for Chris and the others but for Big and Rich who arrive to boost confidence. (At least that’s what we thought.) At one point, Big skips hand-in-hand down the street with Jade yelling, “Feel the Freedom.” (I think he’s seen next week’s previews.)

Brit and Chris neck in front of Jade. Then the solos begin: Chris sings first (C-). Then the girls sing:  Brit (B-); Whitney (D+) (anything with the voice is going to hurt this chic); Kaitlyn (B); Megan (B); and Carly (A). Chris cries twice and says they all killed it. (Lie.)

They dance, sneak away for one-on-one time, and then (here comes the sorta part) Chris runs off to a Big and Rich concert with Brit where he hands her a rose on stage in front of hundreds of people.  Brit admits this is her virgin country experience. (What is with these girls and their fixation with virginity?) They return an hour later where the other girls can’t even pretend to be happy.

Chris back peddles and says he knows this is hard. The girls don’t buy it, so he cowardly leaves. (See ya Brit wouldn’t want to be ya.) Brit tries to apologize. Carly cries. Kaitlyn cries. And Whitney says Brit is gorgeous and cries.

The Two-on-One Date

It becomes clear quickly that these two girls are competing for least favorite contestant.

 

They fly past Mount Rushmore in a helicopter and land beside a lonely bed in the middle of nowhere. Then the fun begins.

Kelsey says she feels lucky. They drink. The wind whines. No one talks. Chris takes Pick-me Ashley aside, and she throws Kelsey under the bus. (Will they never learn?) But Chris says he appreciates her honesty.

Then Chris throws Ashley under the bus and tells Kelsey what she said. (OMG are we in grade school?) Kelsey puts her counselor voice on and struggles to survive. (Is this girl really a guidance counselor? We want to see those papers, too.)

Kelsey leaves, goes back to the strange bed, sits with Ashley and tosses her a stare that would make Hannibal Lecter shiver. Ashley runs away crying. She finds Chris. He says she’s no Eva Gabor (something like that) and sends her packing. Kelsey flashes a wicked, wicked smile. But then Chris sends her packing and all is right in South Dakota.

Chris flies away in a helicopter. (We are left hanging until Ashley appears in an “I’m Actually Very Smart” t-shirt on the Jimmy Kimmel show, talks lash extensions and  disappoints us by saying she and Kelsey took separate vans home—what a missed opportunity.)

Back at the ranch, the girls pop champagne when they realize Kelsey isn’t coming back.

We yawn. Well, it was a little better than last week, although without I’m-a-virgin Ashley and I-love-my-widow-story Kelsey, we are concerned that it might be boring from here on out.

Not. Previews blast across the screen. Sweet Jade posed nude in playboy. (Hope springs eternal.)IMG_2666

So after a week of Soule-searching Athletchic is back in the game with a new favorite—Becca the closet virgin—who knew?

Gosh I can’t wait for next week.  Vive le Becca!

 

 

 

_________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.