Ring on a String
We pick back up on this week at Scheana’s wedding. Kristen is crying tears of joy, the cast gets a picture with the married couple, Scheana is explaining to Lisa why it took her so long to walk down the aisle. Here is what happens with each couple during the reception:
SCHEANA & SHAY
Scheana brags about her life to the camera, “I have a husband. None of my friends have a husband. That’s awesome!”
Back at the wedding, Scheana is freaking the f*&# out because the DJ is mistiming her walk out song with Shay. She is yelling at her wedding planner and refuses to go out.
“The whole reception is f*$%ed,” she screams.
She makes the DJ stop the song he is playing and re-start it because she is suppose to come in at 24 seconds. (Geez, get it right!) Once they finally walk out Scheana does a good job putting on a fake happy smile for the crowd.
A really sweet Shay looks at his wife, “I love you so much. This is insane.”
Scheana makes an announcement to all of her guests. No drinks on the dance floor. She doesn’t want anyone to “break their teeth” on a slippery floor. She has a bad experience with that in the past. (SO that is how she chipped her tooth last season. She was so emotional about that tooth that she blocked me on Twitter after I made fun of her for it. Calm down girl, your teeth are fine.)
Later, we see Scheana being the Bridezilla she is. She is bitching out her wedding planner:
“All the songs I wanted to dance to already played.” (Wahhh!)
She screams at this poor woman about tossing the bouquet, cutting the cake and doing a dollar dance. Scheana says if these things do not get done within the next five minutes, she will grab the microphone and do it all herself. (I would have loved to see that.)
In the end, Ariana calms Scheana down and tells her no one knows things are not going as planned.
“To everyone else, this has been an amazing night.”
Ariana tells Scheana that she loves her and gives her a hug. Ariana asks Scheana to dance and the two run off to the dance floor. Scheana ends up having an amazing time. (Thank God Ariana has great crisis intervention skills. You may have a career in therapy, my friend!)
LISA & KEN
Kristen sees Lisa and Ken and decides to say hello. Ken ignores her and walks away. Lisa stays and talks to her. They both confront one another about things that have happened. Kristen looks miserable but is faking that she is really happy.
“You just don’t like me,” Kristen says to Lisa.
Although it sounds interesting, nothing really happens here. The two go back and forth for a little while and finally Kristen hugs Lisa and they go their separate ways.
PETER & VAIL
Very boring and totally predictable — Vail is flirting with Peter sending him all the wrong signals. She doesn’t want to date him but admits that she flirts with him and that the flirting will not stop. (So histrionic of her.)
Katie & Schwartz
Schwartz says that while watching the wedding he was thinking that he could see himself up on that stage, getting married. He sits at the table with Katie discussing the type of music they would want played at their wedding. Tom takes Katie to a private area and says he wants to talk to her. He apologizes for being a jerk. He pulls out a little box and opens it up. It is a RING ON A STRING! Poor Katie, she starts to cry. She confesses to us all that they have been dating for four years and she is pushing 30 so this is not a good sign. Schwartz then realizes this was a big mistake. He admits to us that he fears commitment.
Later, Lisa finds Katie alone and crying. She asks what’s wrong and Katie tells her about the RING ON A STRING. Lisa starts to cry with Katie. She asks Katie if Tom is worth waiting for. Lisa says that if he is, she should carry on waiting for him and if not, she needs to tell him what she wants. Katie confesses that she needs to stand up for herself. (This was a really cute talk between the two. You can tell Lisa really cares for Katie.)
JAX & CARMEN
“This is the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to. But it is also the first wedding I have ever been to,” says Jax.
Jax is at the wedding trying to get with Carmen, which is not working. He asks Carmen to dance but she is leaving. Jax is offended thinking Carmen would spend the night with him. Carmen makes it clear she never said she would stay with him. Once Carmen leaves we see Jax trying to pick up other girls and falling flat on his face:
“I am trying to spit game and garbage is coming out of my mouth,” he confesses.
At one point we see him flirting and joking around about “sealing the deal” with Lisa. (Awkward!)
STASSI & KRISTINA
Back in LA, Stassi and Kristina are hanging out. Kristina sees pictures of the wedding on social media so decides to show Stassi. Stassi is so excited to see the pictures:
“That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I have ever seen in my entire life,” Stassi says getting her first glimpse of Scheana on her wedding day.
Stassi tells us that it “puts a giant smile” on her face to see Scheana wearing a crop top wedding gown.
“It’s your wedding day, try not to look like a hooker today,” Stassi says again referring to Scheana.
She then goes on to comment on Lisa’s wedding garb, “Lisa is wearing a bondage gown and she looks hotter than me. It’s annoying.”
The two laugh about the matching tux’s Ken and Giggy wore to the wedding.
Stassi later says that Scheana’s reception looks “so beautiful”. Kristina asks if Stassi is sad that she is not there at the wedding with everyone. Stassi says no and laughs.
TOM SANDOVAL & ARIANA
You see Tom several times tearing up the dance floor. (It is hilarious.) Tom & Ariana lay pretty low this episode. The one notable thing that happened was this –
Tom says to his friends, “When I want to go on vacation, I just look into Ariana’s eyes.” (WHO SAYS THAT?! I died when I heard that.)
He goes on to say, “I’m f*&#ing in love with you,” to her.
She talks about this relationship being the closest she has ever been to wanting to get married.
KRISTEN & JAMES
James, upset about Kristen’s obsession with Tom, tells us, “I’m already butt-hurt about Kristen.”
So he decides, “I’m turning up.”
We see James having many drinks and getting drunk. Kristen looks completely annoyed with him. Max and James are sitting alone talking when they see Kristen leaving with her trainer.
James chases after her, “You treat me like a f*&^ing boy toy.”
He is yelling and getting close to her.
“Get out of her face,” the trainer yells at him.
James describes why he is so angry in the moment, “You don’t want to see your girlfriend walking away with a guy with a dumb face and a stupid beard.” (I got many laughs out of that.)
James finally tells Kristen, “We are done because you are in-manageable.” (Poor James. He doesn’t even know what he is saying.)
Kristen punches James in the face.
“You’re a slut,” He screams at her, walking away. “You’ve f&^@ed everybody at SUR!”
James gets back to the reception and walks straight up to Tom. He tells him about the punch.
“Don’t make excuses for her,” Tom says to him.
“I love her,” James tells him.
Tom says that he knows. He invites James to come hang out at his room after the reception and tells him that he is welcome to stay the night there.
In the end, the crew wakes up early to clean up. After the fight between Kristen and James the night before, Scheana says she will never invite Kristen to anything ever again. Katie realizes that if Stassi had her way, she would not be here with this group of people having so much fun. Lisa admits, “Scheana actually did it. She pulled off a princess wedding on a waitress salary.” Finally, we see the group pulling flowers out of the fountain together. “I’m having a beer and candy for breakfast. This is awesome.” Scheana says.
Next time on Vanderpump Rules – Jax tells Tom that Kristen is blowing his phone up daily to talk about Tom. Tom tells Jax to not discuss any of his business with Kristen. James is fed up with Kristen talking about Tom 24/7. Kristen denies that she talks about him. Kristen and Stassi are meeting up. Kristen wants to know how she can get Jax to tell on Tom (since Stassi got Jax to turn on Kristen last season). “So you need my help,” Stassi says in a menacing tone. (She loves to be in control.) We finally see Kristen crying to Scheana saying she doesn’t feel bad for Ariana because she was the reason Kristen and Tom broke up. (This episode looks amazing. Don’t they all?!)
Until next week!
Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.