Reality Recap April 9-15

The week starts off of Monday with American Idol duet week, 12 of the top 24 paired with star talent like Train lead singer Pat Monaghan, the guy who sings Despacito, Sugarland, some random girl named Bishop Briggs, Allen Stone, Andy Grammar who the F are these people and Aloe Blacc. The judges kept saying everyone was great so it was a shock that they actually voted anyone off, but they did say goodbye to Layla Spring, KayKay, Trevor, Dominique and Brandon. No I don’t know remember who most of those people are and yes that weird Catie girl is still in and I hope she wins! The most notable thing from the entire episode was Katy Perry looked ri-GD-diculous in some bogus ass off the shoulder gold dress! It was hideous, trust me and go Google it!

On my favorite show, Vanderpump Rules all hell is breaking loose like it normally is as the crew heads back to LA after their trip to Mexico. Kristen has to explain her alone time with James to her boyfriend Carter, who is the most amazing man in the world and stays calm and tells Kristen not to put herself in those kinds of situations. Jax decides to confront Adam about trying to get with Brittany. Poor Adam has no idea what Jax is talking about because clearly Scheana made all this shit up. Adam is not into Brittany and knew she was with Jax. Jax loses it and flips out on basically everyone at SUR including Lisa and Ken. He stands at the hostesses podium flipping everyone the bird before heading out front to bitch at Sandoval.

In another world, on Teen Mom OG, Farrah is still no where to be seen and we all are so very grateful for that. Poor Catelynn who just got out of rehab has to go back because she is having troubles. Mackenzie and Ryan are pregnant but Ryan gives zero shits, is being an ass and still looks high.

On Tuesday we catch up with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who are still hanging out in Berlin. Vanderpump has to leave to get an award for her dog movie. A compassion award, HA! The girls are taking a boat ride and they are all scared looking back on the past boat rides they’ve had over the years. Erika is late getting on the boat as we find out it takes forever getting into a latex outfit. She gets out of a car an walks towards the boat nearly getting run over by a bike at which point she eyes the camera man and continues to catwalk towards the boat. Can you imagine wearing latex?! My God this woman is strong, I’ve run marathons, birthed a baby but I could NOT wear latex for even a short amount of time! That is one tough bitch and that is way she is my Real Housewives GOAT! You keep on keeping on girl! She then takes the girls on a journey down a dark, wet alley scaring the shit out of them all to take them to an invite only restaurant where they have dinner and she calls out Teddi for her pretend amensia comment! “I have one issue pretend amnesia”. Dorit can’t go on though, bitch needs to make sure the candles at the table are lit. She can’t sit, not even for a moment, and look at unlit candle! Who is Dorit? To Dorit, Hell is a place where people look at unlit candles and drink out of the wrong glasses! Whatever! Erika and Teddi finally squash their shit because again, Erika is EVERYTHING! Rinna realizes that the girls are having the time of their life and all getting along because VANDERPUMP isn’t there! I actually 100% agree with this!

On the finale of the Challenge: Vendettas you knew right away you weren’t going to know who won when you read your TV guide and it said, “Part 1”. Here we go again! We have to sit through listening to The Miz mediate a bunch of really lame conversations and arguments amongst the cast. We find out Nicole has hooked up with Gemmy, that one annoying girl from the U.K. is a huge bitch to Nelson and says he’s a stalker, Cara Maria and Kyle aren’t dating they were just having fun, I shed a little tear about that. They pulled a grenade on us and won’t tell us who won until next week. Yawn.

In Married at First Site the couples get back from their second honeymoon and are almost to decision day. Jonathan and Molly have not spoken in days. Molly finally gets caught in a lie as her therapist calls her the F out which almost sends Molly off the deep end. Jonathan video taped a rant of her calling him disgusting after she was in a bar flirting with another guy on their second honeymoon. I think I know how this relationship will end come decision day! In the meantime Jacqueline needs to get out of this marriage while she still can, Ryan sucks and has sucked the entire season.

Wacky Wednesday gets new life as The Real Housewives of New York comes on. Carole completes the NYC Marathon in 6 hours, Luann wants to be the Countess, oh no honey, last season you went against everyone’s advice and twirled and said, “The only title I’d trade Countess for is Wife”…no no no, there is no going back. The wannabe Countess continues to toot her own horn by bragging about her music saying she has 3 dance hits acting like people are jealous?! Girl the only thing people are jealous of is the balls you got on you to get up and sing being as tone def as you are!

Survivor has officially become the most boring show on television. I don’t even know why I’m talking about it. Domenick is acting like a complete dbag but no one cares, I want to barf just mentioning his name. They all decide to vote off the only hot guy left on the island, Chris, while a Childish Gambino look alike busts on him telling him to stop rapping. “Put the mic down put the pen down ur trash at rapping chris “the rapper”.”

While getting ripped on Thirsty Thursday, we all head back down south in Charleston, where the cast of Southern Charm is literally grilling up their best session yet, in Episode 2 Craig is still acting like a salty woman who’s been trapped in the kitchen all day except he clearly doesn’t know what he is doing, I could watch him attempt to cook all day. Shep calls Craig his foil but by the end they are actually getting along. In the meantime, Naomi Kathryn Danni and Chelsea make up the “Break Up Bunch” and I seriously am about to get a divorce and move to Charleston to join them #squadgoals they come into Sheps party with a bang! Thomas’ new girlfriend, Ashely, is thirsty AF and is just trying to cause problems, her and Kathryn have a very awkward conversation/introduction. Ashley is clingy AF because she sees how Thomas looks at Kathryn and is scared. Ashley makes Thomas come into the bathroom with her later in the episode, eye roll! If you are home bored go find Ashley on Instagram and notice her and Landon are besties, boring! And read people trashing her in her comments section! My god! Entertainment for days! The show comes to a close with Naomi calling out JD HARDCORE and embarrassing him infront of everyone! Let’s get the good old boys!

On the Jersey Shore Family Vacation stuff finally starts to heat up as Snooki and Vinny start to get really awkward. Basically Snooki cheated on Gianni with Vinny before they were married so Gianni probably isn’t happy that years later a better looking Snooki is going to be living with an even better looking Vinny in Miami for a while. Nicole wants Vin to stay away claiming he is trying to ruin her marriage bc he keeps messing with her. In the meantime the crew goes rock climbing and in a race between nicole and Deena to the top of a rock wall, deena destroys snooks leaving her the job of cleaning up after ronnies bathroom mishaps. I literally almost gagged just watching this!

Last night, Sunday on Real Housewives of Atlanta we are on part two of the three part reunion. Marlo wants everyone to Google her business, Simply Marlo LLC. I did and literally nothing came up! She dated a billionaire who bought her home and her mom’s home. Eva comes out and is about to give birth as she’s literally in labor and her contractions are 10 mins apart. Andy questions Kim about her big ass lips.

Finally, Khloe announces her baby’s name…. True Thompson!

Talk to you all next week!
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Vanderpump Rules Stars Tom Schwartz and Katie Maloney Get Engaged! #PUMPrules

Katie and Tom Are Getting Married

For all you Vanderpump Rules fans out there, it’s true! The long time couple finally got engaged! Last night Tom proposed to Katie and Instagram exploded with pictures from the night.

Katie posts this picture showing off her ring and telling the world that she said, “Yes!”

Tom seemed super excited to share this picture of the newly engaged couple with his friends, family and fans!

Celebrity Jeweler Kyle Chan posted two pictures of the couple and this shot highlighting the ring which Tom purchased for Katie.

The Vanderpump Rules cast members and friends of Katie and Tom also went crazy, posting these images to their Instagram pages.

Congrats Tom and Katie!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 20 – #PumpRules

Reunion Part 2

Ok so you all know by now that I absolutely LOVE Vanderpump Rules, right?! Well then you have to trust me when I say last night’s episode was a real bore. I love reunions on Bravo because they are usually a lot of drama-filled craziness. Although last night did have its moments the show almost felt like a recap of the season. So here are the three important take-aways of last night.

Stassi Has A Sex Tape

While the SUR crew was ganging up on Stassi she tried to defend her mean-girl behavior by actually outing herself. “Do you all really want to know why I dislike Scheana?” Stassi says. The cast all seems to know what Stassi is talking about but no one says anything in response. Andy Cohen has no idea what is going on so he asks what happened. Stassi let’s us all know that her ex-boyfriend came into SUR with a “video” and was showing it to everyone. Scheana watched it and apparently told him to sell it to TMZ. Scheana claims she never told him to sell it to TMZ but that is what Stassi heard.

Jax tattooed Stassi’s face on his arm

Yes, Jax is at it again with his idiotic tattoos. Does he not think?! This time he got some ink that he calls a “hybrid” of Stassi and Carmen tattooed on his upper arm. Andy Cohen asks to see it, so Jax shows it. “You are a straight up serial killer,” Stassi says in reaction to the tattoo.

Kristen admits she reached out to Miami Girl First

We finally get the truth behind the Miami girl situation. Kristen Doute finally admits that she was the one to reach out to Miami girl. This again started the Miami girl conversation. Tom still denies that he slept with this girl. Jax admits that he lied to Kristen about Tom sleeping with her. Jax claims that Miami girl told Jax that she slept with Tom and admits he did not actually see anything. Ariana says that sometimes she wishes Sandoval would cut Jax off as a friend because of all of Jax’s hurtful lying. Jax apologizes and admits he has gone over to their apartment crying and apologizing about the damage he has done. Tom clears it all up by announcing that he doesn’t sleep with girls while they are on their period, which Miami girl was. (Why do we now know the when Miami girl is menstruating? Thanks for clearing that up Tom.)

Aside from these three things not a lot else happens. Katie basically tears Stassi a new one the entire episode. Stassi apologizes to the cast for the things she has said about them. (She never apologizes!) We find out Katie actually did not “motor boat a D”. Tom Schwartz fakes a proposal to Katie. Kristen claims Jax is the root of everyone’s problems. And Jax sits around with a constant look of disgust on his face. (He was an absolute treat during this reunion show.)

Next week we will take a look at Vanderpump Rules from behind the scenes in the final episode of season 3 (tear). Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 19 – #PumpRules

The Reunion – Part 1

Last night was part one of the Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Reunion. The reunion was held by non-other than our favorite late night host and reality reunion extraordinaire, Andy Cohen. When the show begins you see Kristen and James, Katie and Schwartz, Lisa Vanderpump, Jax, Scheana, and Tom and Ariana. Here is what happened with each of the SUR couples and cast members:

Kristen and James

Welcome to your first reunion James! (Poor little guy.) He is definitely not the most popular here. He doesn’t say a single intelligent thing this reunion episode but does try to chime in with ridiculous statements  like, “Hot people like to f*#$ hot people.” (Sorry for the language, don’t kill the messenger! That is a direct quote. AND REALLY?! Who says that? Andy Cohen had a field day with that one.)

James tells us that it was hard to go through Kristen’s obsession with Sandoval but now she is 100% over him and they are madly in love. (Yeah right!) The only other part of the reunion that involved James was reliving the fight that he and Tom Sandoval got in at Scheana’s birthday party. Here we revisited one of my favorite parts of the show, the “Beamer-selfie” vs. “Honda Civic-selfie” moment.

Kristen, in the meantime, was getting killed by Tom, Ariana, Scheana and Jax. (Mainly Jax.) Jax cannot stand her any longer and is completely disgusted with her. He yells at her several times and makes faces anytime she speaks.

One person that can stand Kristen?! (This is a shocker!) Stassi! We find out that Stassi and Kristen actually talk and see eachother once in a while.

Katie and Tom Schwartz

Katie and Tom are doing really good. Tom is very quiet, not saying much this episode.

Katie, on the other hand, looks ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! She was the prettiest of the entire night. Her hair was done differently and longer. She looked gorgeous. (I want her hair!) Katie shows that she has grown so much. She stands up to Stassi face-to-face in this episode. She talks about being such a good friend to her and not getting the same respect. She also talks about how grateful she is for going to Miami with the gang. It really changed how she felt about her co-workers and she is really happy about that.

Jax

How miserable was this guy last night? Seriously! I usually love Jax because he is light and funny. He was MISERABLE. You could tell by the look on his face that he was just really not having a good time. There was a constant look of disgust on his face.

Andy Cohen questioned Jax about everything from dating Carmen, to dating Tiffany, to dating both at the same time. He asked about Jax’s relationship with John, if they had ever been together. Jax claims that he has never had a sexual relationship with John.

Jax was also attacked about his constant over exaggerations of events. He was also accused of hooking up with a girl in the bathroom of the hotel room Tiffany had got for him. He claimed she was throwing up and they did not hook up. Sandoval does not believe that.

Jax was most miserable last night because of Kristen. He told her several times to shut up and that he hated her. He was an absolute misery to watch.

Scheana

Honestly, the little SUR diva didn’t do much on the episode. She chimed in here and there but nothing notable happened with her this episode.

Tom Sandoval and Ariana

Tonight we found out that the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and they have moved in together! In the apartment Tom used to share with Kristen. (Awkward!) Sandoval and Ariana are both completely fed up with Kristen and her psychotic antics.

Tom is also fed up with  Jax lies but says they are still friends because Jax does nothing maliciously. He claims Jax is very insecure and that is why he does the things that he does. Lisa Vanderpump disagrees with Toms analysis of Jax and thinks that Jax just does not care about anyone but himself. Tom and Jax seem to still be friends.

Stassi

Yes! Stassi actually shows up to SUR for the reunion. It is her first time face-to-face with a lot of these people. (And she shows her true emotions — anxiety, nervousness — before heading into the reunion by chugging a miniature bottle of Fireball Whiskey.) She comes in wearing a hideous white dress with black checkered lines on it. It makes her appear bigger than she normally is. (Stassi you are so beautiful! WHY THAT DRESS?!)

So what was Stassi’s part in this reunion? She was the punching bag. The cast went HAM on this girl, and deservedly so. Katie told her that she is the most selfish person she has ever met. Ariana let Stassi know that the reason she gave her a hard time was because Stassi was a horrible friend to Katie. Tom Schwartz told Stassi to shut up. Jax on the other hand said he would always be there for Stassi no matter what.

Cast members called her out for acting like she was better than everyone else and for thinking they are all stupid. Stassi claimed that she never thought the cast was stupid. They all called her out for lying about that.

Andy Cohen asked Stassi why her boyfriend never appeared on the show. She responded that this was not him scene. The cast immediately began to mock her, responding, “Because he’s a real man!”

When asked about running from Jax, Stassi explained that she has a boyfriend so it is not right of her to hang out with her ex. She also said that Jax lies to hurt people and she doesn’t want to be a part of that any longer.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules… It is reunion, part 2! Stassi seems to continue to get beat up from the cast. And Tom looks like he is giving Katie a ring (NOT A RING ON A STRING?!) Is he going to ask her to marry him? Are they engaged? How did I not see this on Instagram? Maybe it is not true! Ah!

Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 18 – THE FINALE – #PumpRules

The Finale

Last night was SADLY the finale of season 3 of Vanderpump Rules. (Don’t worry, we still have three episodes to go. Thanks for letting us know Ariana!) Here are the three things that happened in last night’s finale:

1. SUR 10 Year Anniversary Photo Shoot

Once a year, for whatever reason, Lisa Vanderpump sets up a photo-shoot for the SUR staff. (I live in Normalville, USA so waiting tables at a restaurant doesn’t come with annual photo-shoots.) Lisa plans to shoot 1950’s themed pictures at The Pink Motel and the pictures look seriously AMAZING. (See pics from staff Instagram accounts below.) The girls look gorgeous in high waisted skirts, bathing suits and shorts. The men look like “greasers” as Jax describes, wearing white tees, tight pants and leather jackets. The shoot went really well. The staff looked great, except for Jax who thought he looks awesome. “I’m not going to lie, I look good. Got the Botox going. Hairs looking good.” He says of himself. In all reality, Jax looked really odd! He shaved his face which made me realize he had a larger than normal Philtrum. (That’s the area between the nose and upper lip. Yes, I had to Google it.) On top of that, he found it sexy to flare his nostrils in every picture. I found it hilarious. (See his pictures below.)

Because the shoot was going so well, in typical dysfunctional SUR family fashion Scheana decides she must royally f*&# it up for a few people. After one shoot she called Tom Sandoval over and says she needs to talk to him. She tells him about Jax’s claim that he slept with Miami girl. Tom, mad as hell, denies it and asks why Jax is lying. Scheana doesn’t know what to believe as she thinks Jax has been on an honesty kick.

Next Scheana decides it’s right to sincerely bother the mind of her best friend as she goes into hair and makeup to tell Ariana about Jax’s confession. Ariana does not believe any of it and says, “I’m not stupid. I’m smarter than every single person I’ve met in my entire life.” (IDK what that has to do with anything.) Scheana asks her if she truly thinks anything happened in Miami. Ariana looks her in the eyes and says no. Scheana tells her that she will never bother her about it again.

Thanks to Scheana’s inappropriately timed gossip, Sandoval confronts Jax after a shoot the two have together. Jax is pissed and says that he never said Tom slept with Miami girl. (LIAR! Doesn’t this remind you of the photo shoot a few years back when the two were in towels taking pictures and totally angry with one another. It reminded the producers so much so that they flashbacked to it.) Ariana hears the two fighting and invites herself into the mix and both boys start to walk away, Jax losing his cool.

Way to go Scheana, you are totally the queen of something. That something is drama! You couldn’t just keep it to yourself and tell everyone when they were separated and in private?!

Here are some pictures from the shoot:

jax

(From left to right – Katie, Jax, Scheana, Tom, Ariana.)

scheana

(From left to right – Tom, Ariana, Scheana, Jax. Katie in front.)

james

(Top, from left to right – Scheana, James, Random SUR employee, Katie. Bottom – James.)

ariana

(From left to right -Ariana, Katie.)

katie

(From left to right – Katie,  Scheana, Random SUR employee who is too nice to be on the show.)

jax1

(Back row, left to right – Tom, Ariana, Lisa Vanderpump, Scheana, Kristina, Katie, Peter. Front row, left to right – Vail, James, Jax.)

2. Stassi gets “dethroned”

Stassi shows up to SUR to meet with Lisa and to get some goat-cheese balls. (Whatever that means.) Lisa advises Stassi to make up with Katie. She tells her Katie was a good friend to her and that Katie could also use a friend. Lisa invites Stassi to come out to the 10 year anniversary party.

Everyone shows up at SUR for the party. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE — Jax, Tom Sandoval, Ariana, Tom Schwartz, Katie, Peter, Vail. James comes with Kristen, after begging Lisa to allow her to come since she is forbidden to step foot into SUR again. (How does a restaurant ban work? Did Lisa take out a restraining order on the girl?) And Kristina Kelly does the unthinkable, she actually brings STASSI!

Stassi walks in and hugs Kristen and James saying, “YOLO.” Katie, Scheana and Ariana watch from a distance in shock. They also watch as Stassi does a shot with Kristen. (Ok Stassi, SO – you are no longer friends with Katie because she went to Miami with people you didn’t like so that she could be with her boyfriend but you are going to do shots with a psychotic girl who slept with your ex-boyfriend and that is ok?! Makes PERFECT sense!) Kristina Kelly (who I never really liked, mainly because she is boring and she is not hot like she thinks she is) decides she is going to stir a pot which does not need stirred by telling Stassi, “If she had any respect for your friendship she would have gotten up, came over here and said hello.” (No need to make an irrationally angry Stassi more angry.)

Stassi walks over to Katie and asks to talk to her. They sit down in the back of the restaurant.

“Why does it have to be like this?” Stassi questions Katie.

The two talk back and forth, fighting. Stassi tells Katie that her going to Miami is no reason not to talk to one another. Katie explains that she did not make that decision and that Stassi was the one not answering phone calls or texts. The two continue to fight, getting no where.

“Katie is the host body for some Scheana loving parasite that has completely taken over her,” Stassi erratically confesses to us. (Can she please have her own show?! She is truly hilarious!)

Stassi ends up leaving the conversation with no real closure or apology. The two do not make up.

Stassi goes back to the bar and talks with Lisa. She tells Lisa that she spoke with Katie. Mid-conversation Lisa warns Stassi that Jax has just walked in. She didn’t want Stassi to be caught off-guard. Stassi literally goes into full panic-mode and basically runs out of SUR while Lisa yells for her to stop.

We see Stassi walk away from SUR and the cast wishes her farewell:

“So long Stassi being jealous of me.” – Scheana (Stop thinking so highly of yourself.)
“So long Stassi’s tiara.” – Katie
“So long Stassi’s, ‘It’s my birthday!’” – Tom Sandoval
“So long Stassi’s corny statement necklaces.” – Tom Schwartz
“So long Stassi trying to boss me around.” – Scheana

(“So long Stassi’s hilarious comments.” – Me, while crying because I love her and she is hilarious!)

Kristen goes psychotic one last time

Before heading to SUR we see James and Kristen getting ready for the party. James asks Kristen if she can promise him that this will be the last time she obsesses over Tom. Kristen agrees that this will be it.

As they walk into SUR the production crew plays a song about a “Hot Mess”. (HA! Kristen’s theme song.) Kristen greets Lisa and they talk. Lisa asks Kristen what she has learned from her firing. She also asks Kristen to not cause any problems tonight. “If Tom wasn’t a cheating, liar there wouldn’t be any problems,” Kristen says in response. “Let him go,” Lisa says also advising her to make it right with Tom and Ariana.

Sandoval, with Schwartz, tells Jax that he needs to speak to him. They head outside behind the restaurant. (The usual fighting/confronting/Jax being an ass hole spot.) Jax denies ever telling Kristen that Tom slept with Miami girl. (Again, why are you lying? It is all on camera!)

“Hi boys! How’s it going? Am I interrupting something?” Kristen says walking out of SUR and into a mess.

Kristen let’s Tom and Tom know that Jax did tell her and others from SUR that Sandoval had sex with Miami girl.

Jax loses it, “They’re still not going to like you no matter what!” Jax screams at Kristen, red-faced.

“Stop deflecting Jax,” Sandoval responds.

“You’re a liar and a cheater,” Kristen says to Tom.

“And you’re a psycho,” Tom responds. “You burn through friends like Jax burns through condoms!”

Kristen gets up and walks back into the restaurant. She heads straight over to Ariana who is sitting with Lisa and Katie.

“I’ve said everything I can to your boyfriend, and to you. Good Luck!” Kristen says and then walks away.

The three look at each other with confused looks on their faces.

In the end, Vail continues to flirt with Peter. Tom VERY dramatically asks Ariana, in front of Lisa and Katie, to move in with him. (I seriously thought he was proposing in SUR. But at the same time, I knew he wasn’t because I would have seen the ring in a million Twitter or Instagram pics.) Katie tells Tom she is growing impatient with him and he better decide over the next 6 months what he wants. Lisa plays a slide show of the SUR crew’s 10th anniversary pictures while Kristen sits around rolling her eyes and pretending to throw up. At the end, you see everyone leave the restaurant and Peter lock the place up.

THE END.

Not really! OF COURSE there are more episodes but only three more. Next week is part one of the reunion and from what Andy Cohen told us on Watch What Happens Live last night, Stassi gets beat up on, pretty badly! He said the entire cast’s mood changed when she walked in. In clips for next week you see Katie really going at Stassi calling her “selfish”.

Can’t wait to see what happens!

Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 17 – #PumpRules

Jax Cracks

3 things we learned this week

1. Jax does not know how many days are in a year.

“One day out of the 364 days we have,” Jax says at the beginning of the episode talking about Kristen’s behavior at Scheana’s wedding.

We aren’t the only ones learning this. Tom Sandoval is also shocked, “I’m always learning new things about Jax. Today I learned that he doesn’t know how many days are in a year.”

2. Kristen, Carmen & Rachael got in a fight with a stripper.

As if Kristen’s life couldn’t get any worse, the three were out for a girls night when they got into a screaming match with a stripper. The stripper clocked Rachael in the face. Jax claims he was on the phone with Carmen while all of this went down. (Isn’t it weird that Jax’s two ex-girlfriends and a girl he slept with are all besties?! Weird!)

The problem with this story is that it may not be entirely true. During the airing of last night’s episode, Rachael called Jax out on Twitter:

3. Stassi still really wants to be part of SUR!

Although she claims that Katie was her last link to “those people” (her ex-friends that work at SUR), she is totally wrong. Stassi meets with Peter to gossip about what has been going on with the SUR crew. She is also overly interested in texts that she has been receiving from Kristen. (More to come on that.)

3 most important things that happened this week

(Forewarning, they all include a VERY mentally-ill Kristen Doute.)

1. Kristen and James get back together? I think.

A very depressed Kristen shows up to a restaurant to meet with James. (She looks horrible.) James blames himself for the punch saying he shouldn’t have gotten in her face. He tells her he loves her.

Kristen responds, “Our relationship is so tainted now because of that.” (Ok, but you are trying to get back together with Tom who cheated on you with Ariana and who you cheated on, with his best friend! But your new relationship is too tainted because of a drunken fight?! Ok, Kristen!)

James opens up and let’s Kristen know that he is insecure. “I have all these insecurities,” he says. “How do you not expect me to be insecure when you talk about him 24/7?” (He is talking about Tom Sandoval here, obvi.)

“I don’t talk about him 24/7,” a VERY delusional Kristen replies, clearly lying.

“You do,” James responds.

Kristen explains in the confessional that, “It’s not about being obsessed with Tom, it’s about being obsessed with honesty.” (REALLY?! SO IS THAT WHY YOU LIED ALL OF SEASON TWO ABOUT SLEEPING WITH JAX?!?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! IS THAT WHY YOU ARE TRYING TO BREAK ARIANA AND TOM UP?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! I actually have been really patient with Kristen but I am about to lose it on her!)

In the end of this scene, the two make up and hug.  “I love you,” Kristen says.

(I do not know if they are technically back together here but I know they are together now, check her Twitter — @kristendoute — or Instagram — kristendoute — and you will see James everywhere!)

2. Kristen and Stassi have breakfast together.

This sounds totally crazy! Believe me, we all thought it was nuts, even Stassi.

While catching up with Peter, Stassi reveals that Kristen has been texting asking her to meet up for breakfast. “I’m curious,” a very excited-looking Stassi says.

“She is going to try to poison your mind,” Peter says in response.

“This will amuse and entertain me for an hour,” Stassi says. “I am really interested in what she has to say. She is, for sure, up to something.”

In the confessional Stassi explains, “Kristen is a car crash in slow motion and I’m so curious and need to watch it.”

“She always comes with bad news to share. I’m worried now that she’s going to tell me Sandoval murdered somebody.” Stassi later says.

Stassi agrees to breakfast with her ex-bestie. “This feels so awkward,” she admits.

Kristen tells Stassi that she is tired of being called a liar about the Tom-Miami girl cheating scandal. She says that Jax knows she is telling the truth because it was Jax who leaked the rumor when he was talking to Kristen in private one day.

The producers cut to a prior clip of Kristen and Jax talking. Jax tells Kristen, “Use all the facts. You don’t need me to say it.”

Kristen finally gives away the real reason these two frenemies are meeting up. “How do I get him to tell the truth?” She desperately asks Stassi. “No one knows how to get it out better than you.”

“So you need my help?” Stassi responds, totally scheming. She gives Kristen her best advice, “You have to have Scheana there because Scheana and him are like, weird besties and she will tell Ariana.” (Why is she giving her enemy tips? She loves the SUR drama even though she claims she does not.) “Push harder,” she says. “Keep pushing him because he loves to tell. He loves to gossip.” Kristen sits on the other side of the table avidly taking notes in her head.

Then Stassi drops a piece of advice that even shocked me: “I would really like you to consider letting it go.” (WHAT?!? IS THIS REALLY STASSI SPEAKING?! At first I thought, “Wow! This girl HAS come a long way! It is the SUR people who made her crazy.” Then I thought, “But why would she go through all of the advice-giving, tempting Kristen and then tell her not to?!” My best guess – she wants to look like she is above the drama but realistically, she wants this all to go down. If she didn’t want this to happen, she wouldn’t have said anything.)

In the confessional Stassi says that Kristen needs to, “Stop pointing out the flaws in others to make herself feel better.” She asks, “You lost your friends, your job, and maybe James. Is it worth it?”

Kristen says that it is worth it because the truth needs to be revealed.

Thinking back to the breakfast meeting with Kristen, Stassi says, “It’s like Kristen is trying to win the Pulitzer Prize for cheating journalism.”

3. Kristen cracks Jax.

Yes, she actually did it! Kristen plans dinner with Rachael, Scheana, Shay and Jax.

Scheana, the blind Bridezilla, thinks Kristen will apologize for the way she behaved at the wedding. (She is totally going to be blindsided. Scheana, don’t you know Kristen by now? She ALWAYS has ulterior motives.)

Jax knows what is coming but says that he had to agree to dinner with her because Kristen is like a “pit bull” and will continue to bother him about it until he agrees.

Kristin explains that everyone is f%&$ing around on each other and she is the one paying for it. (That is true to an extent. Jax and Tom were best friends. Jax slept with Tom’s girlfriend at the time, Kristen. Jax and Tom are still friends. Tom cheated on Kristen with Ariana. Ariana and Tom are now dating. Everyone is friendly with one another but not with Kristen. But honestly Kristen, did you think you and Ariana were going to become besties after the break-up? Did you think you and Tom would still be friends? Jax and Tom weren’t dating but you are Tom were.)

Kristen asks Jax if Sandoval slept with Miami Girl.

“Why is it my duty to let this out?” Jax asks. Jax looks like he is struggling and doesn’t know what to do.

“I think you should tell the truth,” Scheana says.

Jax FINALLY, after a full season of waiting, drops the bomb, “That girl was with Tom, in the room, having sex. She slept with him and had sex with him.”

Kristen smiles the most insane smile you have ever seen. (Like a crazy criminal who just got away with a horrific crime. It was honestly very disturbing, even for Kristen.)

“I don’t know if I believe everything.” Scheana says. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I think. They are happy.”

Scheana and Shay are done with this conversation and decide to leave. Kristen goes APE SHIT because her plan is not going as she wanted it to. Scheana doesn’t believe the entire story and does not care. Kristen clearly wants Scheana to be appalled by it all and tell Ariana, ultimately breaking the couple up. Scheana breaks it to Kristen that she is not a good friend and that she makes it hard for Scheana to be friends with both her and Ariana. Kristen loses her mind!

“Can you imagine being me?” Kristen asks, crying explaining that Scheana’s bestie is the reason that her relationship with Tom is over.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules… IT IS THE FINALE!!!! (OMG!!! NO PUMP RULES FOR ANOTHER YEAR (IF IT EVEN COMES BACK)!!! I WILL DIE!!!!) In the final episode of season three we see the employees of SUR posing at a photo shoot for the restaurants 10th anniversary. Tom Schwartz is in therapy because he’s afraid of marriage. (Wah!) Scheana confronts Sandoval about the cheating scandal. While at SUR, Lisa encourages Stassi to make up with Katie. Jax walks in soon after the conversation, Stassi panics and leaves. Katie isn’t sure about Toms level of commitment to this relationship and acts like she wants to break up (SPOILER ALERT: They are still together, check her Twitter and Instagram!)

Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 13 – #PumpRules

Miami Vices

The episode begins with “Miami girl”, Annemarie Kunkel, walking into a restaurant in LA. Guess who she is going to meet with? The woman who probably orchestrated this entire thing, Kristen Doute. Miami girl sits down at the table. They greet each other and Kristen finds it odd that she flew all the way out to LA from Miami. Good acting Kristen! (No one believes that you’re surprised, you created this mess.) Kristen, full of anticipation, calls the waiter over and orders her and Annemarie a bottle of wine at what looks to be about noon. (It also looks like they are at the same place Peter and Vail had that really awkward date at last week. I could be wrong.) Miami girl tells Kristen that Tom (Sandoval) was great and such a nice guy. She said Tom held her hand and her arm. She said that her and Tom talked for seven to eight hours and had a “heart-to-heart”. He told her that he was single. He said he had a girlfriend for a long time but they broke up because he cheated on her. Miami girl then decides add fuel to a delusional, obsessive persons fire by saying, “I think he is still in love with you. It was all Kristen, Kristen, Kristen.” Then she tells Kristen that they had sex, at which point Kristen sheds a tear and says things like, “gross” and “disgusting” as the girl is sitting there. (I thought that was hilarious.)

Next we see Tom Schwartz hopping around in a suit. He is modeling suits for Santorelli. During this boring segment of the show we find out Tom used to be a pre-med major in college. (Yeah…the guy who has anxiety attacks while bartending was going to be a doctor!? Everyone should be grateful knowing he will not be practicing medicine anytime soon.)

Back at SUR we see Kristen, decked out and looking as good as she possibly can since she knows Tom is coming in. She is not working this day but sitting at a table by the bar with her friend in a black and white dress with her hair curled. They are waiting for Miami girl to walk in. (They must have put together some type of plan in which Miami girl comes in without Kristen so she can see if Tom reacts.) Tom and Ariana walk into work together and we see Tom at the main bar serving customers. While Tom is making a drink, Miami girl walks up to the bar and says, “Hi.” Then she orders a cosmo. Tom says hello back but almost instantly knows something is up. He walks over to the other bartender and asks him to serve the girl at the end of the bar. He then leaves SUR. (This is where I get confused and find Tom to be very suspicious. Why did he leave if he is not guilty? What is going on? How did he know and recognize her?) Kristen sees Tom leaving and has a big grin on her face. She gets Miami girl and takes her out the back door, the way he left. They are outside the restaurant now, in the employee parking lot when you see Ariana walking down Melrose Avenue on the phone. Miami girl calls out her name. What an idiot?! Do you really think she is going to stop to talk to your lunatic ass? Ariana ignores her and keeps walking confessing that it felt like a scene from ‘The Walking Dead’. Tom and Ariana get into an Uber and head home.

Kristen and her posse of psychos head back into the restaurant and get a table outside the front of the restaurant. While there, Scheana and Vail show up. Scheana confronts Kristen about the entire thing, “What is going on?” Kristen introduces Scheana to Miami girl and Scheana refuses to shake her hand. (Scheana, you do realize you are as trashy as this girl is, right? Actually, you are worse. This girl may or may not have slept with your best friends boyfriend of a year. You slept with and carried on a relationship with a married man who had a child and a pregnant wife at home.) Anyways, Scheana, dramatic as always, loses her mind. She starts screaming like a crazy person who should probably be 302ed to the psych ward. (Oh, that cannot be good for those vocal chords since she is such an amazing singer.) She tells Kristen, “You promised me you wouldn’t do this.” But that is not what Scheana is concerned about. Scheana doesn’t care about Kristen bringing Toms mistress to the restaurant to confront him! No! She is worried about this non-related event ruining her wedding.

          “LISTEN TO ME!!!” Scheana cries loudly, desperately and most of all pathetically.

          “Keep your voice down,” a level-headed Vail says.

          Scheana snaps back like a little chihuahua, “NO I DON’T CARE!”

Scheana goes on to ask how Kristen could do this the week of her wedding.  (I mean, really Kristen? Couldn’t you do this another week? This IS Scheana’s wedding week. The most important week of our year. This is totally going to carry over to and ruin her entire wedding. I (tear) do not think I can take any more of this, on the week of the most important wedding of the world. You know what Scheana, you would be so lucky for any of these crazies to care so much about your lame wedding to a man who tells you your tone def voice sounds good. You should just be praying to God every day that Brandi Glanville doesn’t show up drunk reminding everyone how you ruined her marriage.)

With all the yelling, Diana, a manager at SUR, comes out to see what the hell is going on in her place of work. This is where things get even better. At this point, Kristen decides that ruining Tom’s relationship is more important than keeping her job as she tells her manager,

“Diana, walk the f*** away now.”

“Diana walk away, you don’t own this restaurant”

“S*** a d***!”  (Trying to keep this clean is tough!)

Outside of SUR we see Schwartz and Jax out on a little man date.  They are so cute together, talking and hanging out over drinks. Tom asks Jax about his ex-girlfriend, Carmen.  Jax says he is going to ask her to be his date to Scheana and Shay’s wedding.  He plans to take her shopping, get her a new dress, shoes and a handbag to win her back.  Jax claims, “Girls are weak,” and that doing romantic things will win her back. (We give birth! Get a life.) Jax goes on to say that he is trying so hard to get Carmen back that he is even doing things he doesn’t want to. He tells Tom that he has to go out to dinner with James and Kristen since Carmen and Kristen are good friends. Jax is so disturbed by this that he tells Tom, “I would rather watch grass grow or make out with my sister before hanging out with James.” He then tells Schwartz that Kristen keeps texting him to come to SUR. Tom asks him if he is going to go. Jax responds, “Are you kidding me? I’m not hanging out with that nut job.” Then explains to us that on a 1-10 scale of craziness Kristen is a 15-20. (I wonder where Jax falls on that scale.)

Katie comes to pick the boys up and tells them what went down at SUR. The guys were shocked. Katie said that she does not think Tom is guilty of sleeping with Miami girl but she does think he is guilty of something, she just doesn’t know what that something is. She asks the guys, since they were in Miami when Kristen claims something happened, but they both said they didn’t see anything. She finishes by saying that eventually the truth will come out.

Lisa Vanderpump finally shows up at SUR with husband, Ken and is bombarded by manager, Diana before she even steps foot in the door. Diana tells Lisa that she was disrespected by an employee and she needs to talk to her. Lisa looked disinterested asking which employee. “Kristen,” Diana says. Lisa immediately takes Diana by the arm and pulls her aside. Diana tells Lisa everything. Lisa asks Ken how many chances she can give Kristen. Ken tells Lisa, “You can’t fire her until you hear her side of the story.” Lisa agrees and calls Tom to tell him that he needs to come back to work. Tom agrees and you see him and Ariana come back to SUR and kiss several times by the back bar before heading back to work.

With impeccable timing, Miami girl, shows back up to SUR and heads right over to the main bar where Tom is working. She walks up to Tom and starts talking to him again.

“We had sex,” she says loudly.

“No we didn’t,” Tom responds.

“We had sex, yes we did!” She says almost yelling.

(Poor Tom, how embarrassing.)

In the meantime, Ariana, who is working at the back bar, overhears the confrontation and heads over to the main bar to get in on the action. “I don’t know what all this is about,” Ariana says to Miami girl while waiving her finger back and forth. She then takes care of the situation as she has Ali, the security guard, escort Miami girl out of SUR. (And this is why you don’t stalk people, show up at their job and think everything is going to go well. Idiot!)

Next week look forward to Jax and Schwartz discussing whether or not he cheated on Katie. A serious discussion between Katie and Schwartz about what happened in Vegas. (No! Schwartz!)

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 11 – #PUMPrules

It’s Tuesday – Yay! Vanderpump Rules was on again last night and we are here with your recap.

First, let’s go over what happened last episode. Last week we watch as the cast finishes out their trip to Miami for Scheana and Shay’s bachelor and bachelorette party. Here are the takeaways from last episode:

Episode 10 Recap

1. Jax may have hooked up with a guy.

Yes, that is part of last week’s episode. It sounds super juicy and unexpected, right? Well actually Bravo just did a good job of tricking me to believe that. Watching the episode we find out that Jax, Jason at the time, used to live with an older, gay male when he lived in Miami. They were good friends, Jax drove his car around, they would go out to gay bars together. This older male managed models and helped Jax book his first gig. The two had a falling out when Jax left so the crew planned for an awkward reuniting of the two. As it turned out, the man was an awesome guy. He had much love for Jax and they were happy to see each other. It was almost like they had never stopped talking as Vail asks for details about Jax’s younger years and they both say “Bro-code”. It was really cute. So although everyone now assumes they were just friends, Scheana leaves us wondering if more happened between the two. She tells Ariana that she asked Jax if he ever kissed the man and he said, “Probably when I was drunk.” Hm…so did he or didn’t he hook up with a guy? I guess we will never know.

2. Katie and Stassi’s friendship is on the rocks.

Stassi finds out, through Scheana, that Katie will be attending her bachelorette party in Miami. Stassi is mad since Katie didn’t tell her. Stassi also feels as if Katie is betraying her, turning on her and/or becoming a traitor. For much of the episode she ignores Katie until with Lisa Vanderpump, who tells her to answer the phone when Katie calls. Stassi listens and answers but doesn’t saying much at all.

3. Tom CRIES to Kristen.

Yes, it was epic! We all know how entertaining it is to watch Tom Sandoval cry on television and he did not disappoint. While in Miami, Ariana and Tom are in a cab headed to a restaurant to meet up with the rest of the crew when Ariana breaks down and tells Tom how she is anxious and hasn’t ate in days because of Kristen. Tom decides it best to make amends with Kristen so that she will stop trying to sabotage his relationship with Ariana. He pulls her outside of a bar and they talk while Tom wept uncontrollably. While shedding tears, he tells Kristen that he loved her and thought they would end up together. He told her he wants her to be happy. You can tell by the look on Kristen’s face that she feels like she is winning. She is smiling with tears in her eyes as she watches Tom break down in front of her. She grabs his hand at the table. The conversation ends with a hug and a very seriously delusional Kristen coming to her own realization that she can get Tom back if she breaks him and Ariana up.

Episode 11

This week we observe the cast member lives post-Miami trip. Lisa Vanderpump is shocked to hear that everyone had a good time and got along. She is happy that Scheana decided to invite Katie. She is proud of Katie for going on the trip, making amends with the other girls and putting the past behind her. She tells Katie that she has been living in Stassi’s shadow and she is finally becoming her own person. I think Katie does have a lot of growing to do and so far this season, I think she has come a long way. I, too, as a lame viewer, am also proud to see her growth. Go Katie!

In the meantime, Vail is her normal histrionic self as she runs around the restaurant in a ridiculously short dress and flirts with every guy she sees. In this week’s episode she is focusing all of her flirtatious efforts on Peter. She flirts with him and totally sends him the wrong signals. Vail, that is your fault. I thought you were into him too and I am a female. She is so histrionic she doesn’t even know, she needs to see a therapist for this issue. Anyways, Peter texts her and asks her to coffee. Vail takes it as just that, a very platonic coffee meet up,  because she has no idea she has been flirting with him all this time. They show up for coffee at a restaurant at 5pm and Vail finds it weird that Peter wants to order wine. Who goes to coffee at 5PM? It’s dinner time, you are going to dinner with him, it is a date! Peter orders a bottle and then stares at Vail which makes for a few really weird seconds of interaction that was pushed over the top by the editors at Bravo. Peter says he likes to stare in the eyes of the woman he is into, that’s how he draws her in. WEIRD! I really hope he is joking. After the date Vail goes to SUR, because why would you not go to work after a date?! She makes this huge deal about it and acts like she is totally not into him as she says, “I accidentally went on a date with Peter.” What 30 year old woman “accidentally” goes on a date?! Most likely someone with histrionic or borderline personality disorder. VAIL, GO GET HELP!

Kristen gets back from Miami on a mission – destroy Tom & Ariana. What’s new?! Really! While on a hike with her comedian friend, who used to date Jax, she talked about everything that happened with Tom.

She says that if Ariana weren’t around then her and Tom would get back together because she knows Tom still loves her. When she says that I sit staring at my TV actually siding with her. I really do believe that if Ariana were not around, her and Tom probably would still be together or trying to work it out. So although she is crazy, I do believe that. The other thing that crosses my mind is, “What about James?” Believe me I am not a lover of James. His tall hair, bimmerselfies (I thought it should be spelled beamerselfies but was corrected via Twitter) and his general attitude make my dislike for him grow with every episode. He annoys me. I must say, however, he is a pretty good boyfriend for being younger and dealing with Kristen’s obsession with Tom. I mean really, who wants to deal with that. This episode he does show a little bit of aggravation with Kristen when they are out to lunch and she tells him that the Miami girl wants to confront Tom. Kristen also tells him with sympathy, “Sorry but I am just being honest”, about the conversation she had with Tom and how he still loves her. He sits there clearly annoyed and not wanting to here it. He asks her why all of it matters. She says, the truth needs to be revealed. So her genius plan is to get Miami girl, who is most likely somebody trying to get her 15 minutes of fame, to come to SUR and confront Tom, in person. Thus proving that he cheated on Ariana and breaking the couple up. Then Kristen’s mission will be complete when Tom comes running back into her arms, but wait…what about her current boyfriend? What about James? They are so madly in love. So Kristen after all that work are you just kicking him to the curb? This is a messed up situation and I really hope James just stays in it for the air time, even though I am pretty sure everyone’s serious displeasure with him will definitely not help his current job situation.

Jax has no real excitement in his role in the show at this point so he decides to try and step it up by failing at attempting to get back with Carmen since Tiffany broke up with him after she put him up in a hotel out of town only to find out that he hooked up with another girl. Who does that?! So Jax gets things started by telling Scheana to change her wedding seating chart so he could sit near Carmen, later acting like he did not arrange that. Nice work liar! Then he thought it was a good idea to take Carmen out to get something to eat. He recounts their break up and she basically shut him down. It was great.

Outside of SUR, Stassi is in her new place with the only friends in the world she has left – Kristina, Jenn and Jeremy. They are drinking champagne with gold flakes while sitting on the floor as Stassi shows off pieces of her new jewelry collection. How fancy?! We find out that she is not a simple housewife these days but a business woman who is in the statement necklaces business. I make fun but I do love a good statement necklace. During this boring part of the show, Kristina tells Stassi she understand Katie’s reason for going to Miami but thinks it is messed up that Katie didn’t tell her.

At the end of the episode, things go down. Katie and Stassi meet at lunch to talk about their friendship. Stassi, cocky as always, is expecting a complete apology from her ex-minion Katie. “I love a good apology,” she says, almost bragging and laughing. Unfortunately for Stassi, things do not go as she thinks they will. Katie grew a backbone and after seeing the way Ariana stuck through the entire trip for Scheana, she comes to a realization that Stassi is just not a good friend. She does not apologize and asks Stassi if she wasn’t in Miami, “What was I supposed to do? Sit around waiting for you to call?” Stassi looks shocked and I was too, honestly. Katie doesn’t back down, she explains why she went on the trip, she reminds Stassi that she has never turned on her and talks about how good of a friend she has been. Stassi doesn’t care and starts to cry. There is nothing more Katie can do, so she leaves! And that is the end.

Previews for next episode look completely awesome! Kristen somehow gets Miami girl to come out to LA. Miami girl then goes to SUR and stands at the bar and says, “We had sex.” To Tom as he replies, “No we didn’t.” Several times. It looks hilarious. Good work Kristen, this is going to be the most entertaining part of the season! Who does this kind of stuff on the job? Do you not know you can get fired?! After that interaction, Scheana throws a tantrum because she simply cannot take anymore and she screams, “JUST LISTEN TO ME.” In the most ridiculous voice imaginable. Scheana, why are you crying? Either way, I cannot wait to see what happens, I absolutely love this show and although I do make fun of the cast often, I love them also, they always keep it interesting. Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.