VANDERPUMP RULES Recap
Ok so you all know by now that I absolutely LOVE Vanderpump Rules, right?! Well then you have to trust me when I say last night’s episode was a real bore. I love reunions on Bravo because they are usually a lot of drama-filled craziness. Although last night did have its moments the show almost felt like a recap of the season. So here are the three important take-aways of last night.
While the SUR crew was ganging up on Stassi she tried to defend her mean-girl behavior by actually outing herself. “Do you all really want to know why I dislike Scheana?” Stassi says. The cast all seems to know what Stassi is talking about but no one says anything in response. Andy Cohen has no idea what is going on so he asks what happened. Stassi let’s us all know that her ex-boyfriend came into SUR with a “video” and was showing it to everyone. Scheana watched it and apparently told him to sell it to TMZ. Scheana claims she never told him to sell it to TMZ but that is what Stassi heard.
Yes, Jax is at it again with his idiotic tattoos. Does he not think?! This time he got some ink that he calls a “hybrid” of Stassi and Carmen tattooed on his upper arm. Andy Cohen asks to see it, so Jax shows it. “You are a straight up serial killer,” Stassi says in reaction to the tattoo.
We finally get the truth behind the Miami girl situation. Kristen Doute finally admits that she was the one to reach out to Miami girl. This again started the Miami girl conversation. Tom still denies that he slept with this girl. Jax admits that he lied to Kristen about Tom sleeping with her. Jax claims that Miami girl told Jax that she slept with Tom and admits he did not actually see anything. Ariana says that sometimes she wishes Sandoval would cut Jax off as a friend because of all of Jax’s hurtful lying. Jax apologizes and admits he has gone over to their apartment crying and apologizing about the damage he has done. Tom clears it all up by announcing that he doesn’t sleep with girls while they are on their period, which Miami girl was. (Why do we now know the when Miami girl is menstruating? Thanks for clearing that up Tom.)
Aside from these three things not a lot else happens. Katie basically tears Stassi a new one the entire episode. Stassi apologizes to the cast for the things she has said about them. (She never apologizes!) We find out Katie actually did not “motor boat a D”. Tom Schwartz fakes a proposal to Katie. Kristen claims Jax is the root of everyone’s problems. And Jax sits around with a constant look of disgust on his face. (He was an absolute treat during this reunion show.)
Next week we will take a look at Vanderpump Rules from behind the scenes in the final episode of season 3 (tear). Until next week…
Last night was part one of the Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Reunion. The reunion was held by non-other than our favorite late night host and reality reunion extraordinaire, Andy Cohen. When the show begins you see Kristen and James, Katie and Schwartz, Lisa Vanderpump, Jax, Scheana, and Tom and Ariana. Here is what happened with each of the SUR couples and cast members:
Welcome to your first reunion James! (Poor little guy.) He is definitely not the most popular here. He doesn’t say a single intelligent thing this reunion episode but does try to chime in with ridiculous statements like, “Hot people like to f*#$ hot people.” (Sorry for the language, don’t kill the messenger! That is a direct quote. AND REALLY?! Who says that? Andy Cohen had a field day with that one.)
James tells us that it was hard to go through Kristen’s obsession with Sandoval but now she is 100% over him and they are madly in love. (Yeah right!) The only other part of the reunion that involved James was reliving the fight that he and Tom Sandoval got in at Scheana’s birthday party. Here we revisited one of my favorite parts of the show, the “Beamer-selfie” vs. “Honda Civic-selfie” moment.
Kristen, in the meantime, was getting killed by Tom, Ariana, Scheana and Jax. (Mainly Jax.) Jax cannot stand her any longer and is completely disgusted with her. He yells at her several times and makes faces anytime she speaks.
One person that can stand Kristen?! (This is a shocker!) Stassi! We find out that Stassi and Kristen actually talk and see eachother once in a while.
Katie and Tom are doing really good. Tom is very quiet, not saying much this episode.
Katie, on the other hand, looks ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! She was the prettiest of the entire night. Her hair was done differently and longer. She looked gorgeous. (I want her hair!) Katie shows that she has grown so much. She stands up to Stassi face-to-face in this episode. She talks about being such a good friend to her and not getting the same respect. She also talks about how grateful she is for going to Miami with the gang. It really changed how she felt about her co-workers and she is really happy about that.
How miserable was this guy last night? Seriously! I usually love Jax because he is light and funny. He was MISERABLE. You could tell by the look on his face that he was just really not having a good time. There was a constant look of disgust on his face.
Andy Cohen questioned Jax about everything from dating Carmen, to dating Tiffany, to dating both at the same time. He asked about Jax’s relationship with John, if they had ever been together. Jax claims that he has never had a sexual relationship with John.
Jax was also attacked about his constant over exaggerations of events. He was also accused of hooking up with a girl in the bathroom of the hotel room Tiffany had got for him. He claimed she was throwing up and they did not hook up. Sandoval does not believe that.
Jax was most miserable last night because of Kristen. He told her several times to shut up and that he hated her. He was an absolute misery to watch.
Honestly, the little SUR diva didn’t do much on the episode. She chimed in here and there but nothing notable happened with her this episode.
Tonight we found out that the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and they have moved in together! In the apartment Tom used to share with Kristen. (Awkward!) Sandoval and Ariana are both completely fed up with Kristen and her psychotic antics.
Tom is also fed up with Jax lies but says they are still friends because Jax does nothing maliciously. He claims Jax is very insecure and that is why he does the things that he does. Lisa Vanderpump disagrees with Toms analysis of Jax and thinks that Jax just does not care about anyone but himself. Tom and Jax seem to still be friends.
Yes! Stassi actually shows up to SUR for the reunion. It is her first time face-to-face with a lot of these people. (And she shows her true emotions — anxiety, nervousness — before heading into the reunion by chugging a miniature bottle of Fireball Whiskey.) She comes in wearing a hideous white dress with black checkered lines on it. It makes her appear bigger than she normally is. (Stassi you are so beautiful! WHY THAT DRESS?!)
So what was Stassi’s part in this reunion? She was the punching bag. The cast went HAM on this girl, and deservedly so. Katie told her that she is the most selfish person she has ever met. Ariana let Stassi know that the reason she gave her a hard time was because Stassi was a horrible friend to Katie. Tom Schwartz told Stassi to shut up. Jax on the other hand said he would always be there for Stassi no matter what.
Cast members called her out for acting like she was better than everyone else and for thinking they are all stupid. Stassi claimed that she never thought the cast was stupid. They all called her out for lying about that.
Andy Cohen asked Stassi why her boyfriend never appeared on the show. She responded that this was not him scene. The cast immediately began to mock her, responding, “Because he’s a real man!”
When asked about running from Jax, Stassi explained that she has a boyfriend so it is not right of her to hang out with her ex. She also said that Jax lies to hurt people and she doesn’t want to be a part of that any longer.
Next time on Vanderpump Rules… It is reunion, part 2! Stassi seems to continue to get beat up from the cast. And Tom looks like he is giving Katie a ring (NOT A RING ON A STRING?!) Is he going to ask her to marry him? Are they engaged? How did I not see this on Instagram? Maybe it is not true! Ah!
Until next week…
Last night was SADLY the finale of season 3 of Vanderpump Rules. (Don’t worry, we still have three episodes to go. Thanks for letting us know Ariana!) Here are the three things that happened in last night’s finale:
Once a year, for whatever reason, Lisa Vanderpump sets up a photo-shoot for the SUR staff. (I live in Normalville, USA so waiting tables at a restaurant doesn’t come with annual photo-shoots.) Lisa plans to shoot 1950’s themed pictures at The Pink Motel and the pictures look seriously AMAZING. (See pics from staff Instagram accounts below.) The girls look gorgeous in high waisted skirts, bathing suits and shorts. The men look like “greasers” as Jax describes, wearing white tees, tight pants and leather jackets. The shoot went really well. The staff looked great, except for Jax who thought he looks awesome. “I’m not going to lie, I look good. Got the Botox going. Hairs looking good.” He says of himself. In all reality, Jax looked really odd! He shaved his face which made me realize he had a larger than normal Philtrum. (That’s the area between the nose and upper lip. Yes, I had to Google it.) On top of that, he found it sexy to flare his nostrils in every picture. I found it hilarious. (See his pictures below.)
Because the shoot was going so well, in typical dysfunctional SUR family fashion Scheana decides she must royally f*&# it up for a few people. After one shoot she called Tom Sandoval over and says she needs to talk to him. She tells him about Jax’s claim that he slept with Miami girl. Tom, mad as hell, denies it and asks why Jax is lying. Scheana doesn’t know what to believe as she thinks Jax has been on an honesty kick.
Next Scheana decides it’s right to sincerely bother the mind of her best friend as she goes into hair and makeup to tell Ariana about Jax’s confession. Ariana does not believe any of it and says, “I’m not stupid. I’m smarter than every single person I’ve met in my entire life.” (IDK what that has to do with anything.) Scheana asks her if she truly thinks anything happened in Miami. Ariana looks her in the eyes and says no. Scheana tells her that she will never bother her about it again.
Thanks to Scheana’s inappropriately timed gossip, Sandoval confronts Jax after a shoot the two have together. Jax is pissed and says that he never said Tom slept with Miami girl. (LIAR! Doesn’t this remind you of the photo shoot a few years back when the two were in towels taking pictures and totally angry with one another. It reminded the producers so much so that they flashbacked to it.) Ariana hears the two fighting and invites herself into the mix and both boys start to walk away, Jax losing his cool.
Way to go Scheana, you are totally the queen of something. That something is drama! You couldn’t just keep it to yourself and tell everyone when they were separated and in private?!
Here are some pictures from the shoot:
(From left to right – Katie, Jax, Scheana, Tom, Ariana.)
(From left to right – Tom, Ariana, Scheana, Jax. Katie in front.)
(Top, from left to right – Scheana, James, Random SUR employee, Katie. Bottom – James.)
(From left to right -Ariana, Katie.)
(From left to right – Katie, Scheana, Random SUR employee who is too nice to be on the show.)
(Back row, left to right – Tom, Ariana, Lisa Vanderpump, Scheana, Kristina, Katie, Peter. Front row, left to right – Vail, James, Jax.)
Stassi shows up to SUR to meet with Lisa and to get some goat-cheese balls. (Whatever that means.) Lisa advises Stassi to make up with Katie. She tells her Katie was a good friend to her and that Katie could also use a friend. Lisa invites Stassi to come out to the 10 year anniversary party.
Everyone shows up at SUR for the party. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE — Jax, Tom Sandoval, Ariana, Tom Schwartz, Katie, Peter, Vail. James comes with Kristen, after begging Lisa to allow her to come since she is forbidden to step foot into SUR again. (How does a restaurant ban work? Did Lisa take out a restraining order on the girl?) And Kristina Kelly does the unthinkable, she actually brings STASSI!
Stassi walks in and hugs Kristen and James saying, “YOLO.” Katie, Scheana and Ariana watch from a distance in shock. They also watch as Stassi does a shot with Kristen. (Ok Stassi, SO – you are no longer friends with Katie because she went to Miami with people you didn’t like so that she could be with her boyfriend but you are going to do shots with a psychotic girl who slept with your ex-boyfriend and that is ok?! Makes PERFECT sense!) Kristina Kelly (who I never really liked, mainly because she is boring and she is not hot like she thinks she is) decides she is going to stir a pot which does not need stirred by telling Stassi, “If she had any respect for your friendship she would have gotten up, came over here and said hello.” (No need to make an irrationally angry Stassi more angry.)
Stassi walks over to Katie and asks to talk to her. They sit down in the back of the restaurant.
“Why does it have to be like this?” Stassi questions Katie.
The two talk back and forth, fighting. Stassi tells Katie that her going to Miami is no reason not to talk to one another. Katie explains that she did not make that decision and that Stassi was the one not answering phone calls or texts. The two continue to fight, getting no where.
“Katie is the host body for some Scheana loving parasite that has completely taken over her,” Stassi erratically confesses to us. (Can she please have her own show?! She is truly hilarious!)
Stassi ends up leaving the conversation with no real closure or apology. The two do not make up.
Stassi goes back to the bar and talks with Lisa. She tells Lisa that she spoke with Katie. Mid-conversation Lisa warns Stassi that Jax has just walked in. She didn’t want Stassi to be caught off-guard. Stassi literally goes into full panic-mode and basically runs out of SUR while Lisa yells for her to stop.
We see Stassi walk away from SUR and the cast wishes her farewell:
“So long Stassi being jealous of me.” – Scheana (Stop thinking so highly of yourself.)
“So long Stassi’s tiara.” – Katie
“So long Stassi’s, ‘It’s my birthday!’” – Tom Sandoval
“So long Stassi’s corny statement necklaces.” – Tom Schwartz
“So long Stassi trying to boss me around.” – Scheana
(“So long Stassi’s hilarious comments.” – Me, while crying because I love her and she is hilarious!)
Before heading to SUR we see James and Kristen getting ready for the party. James asks Kristen if she can promise him that this will be the last time she obsesses over Tom. Kristen agrees that this will be it.
As they walk into SUR the production crew plays a song about a “Hot Mess”. (HA! Kristen’s theme song.) Kristen greets Lisa and they talk. Lisa asks Kristen what she has learned from her firing. She also asks Kristen to not cause any problems tonight. “If Tom wasn’t a cheating, liar there wouldn’t be any problems,” Kristen says in response. “Let him go,” Lisa says also advising her to make it right with Tom and Ariana.
Sandoval, with Schwartz, tells Jax that he needs to speak to him. They head outside behind the restaurant. (The usual fighting/confronting/Jax being an ass hole spot.) Jax denies ever telling Kristen that Tom slept with Miami girl. (Again, why are you lying? It is all on camera!)
“Hi boys! How’s it going? Am I interrupting something?” Kristen says walking out of SUR and into a mess.
Kristen let’s Tom and Tom know that Jax did tell her and others from SUR that Sandoval had sex with Miami girl.
Jax loses it, “They’re still not going to like you no matter what!” Jax screams at Kristen, red-faced.
“Stop deflecting Jax,” Sandoval responds.
“You’re a liar and a cheater,” Kristen says to Tom.
“And you’re a psycho,” Tom responds. “You burn through friends like Jax burns through condoms!”
Kristen gets up and walks back into the restaurant. She heads straight over to Ariana who is sitting with Lisa and Katie.
“I’ve said everything I can to your boyfriend, and to you. Good Luck!” Kristen says and then walks away.
The three look at each other with confused looks on their faces.
In the end, Vail continues to flirt with Peter. Tom VERY dramatically asks Ariana, in front of Lisa and Katie, to move in with him. (I seriously thought he was proposing in SUR. But at the same time, I knew he wasn’t because I would have seen the ring in a million Twitter or Instagram pics.) Katie tells Tom she is growing impatient with him and he better decide over the next 6 months what he wants. Lisa plays a slide show of the SUR crew’s 10th anniversary pictures while Kristen sits around rolling her eyes and pretending to throw up. At the end, you see everyone leave the restaurant and Peter lock the place up.
Not really! OF COURSE there are more episodes but only three more. Next week is part one of the reunion and from what Andy Cohen told us on Watch What Happens Live last night, Stassi gets beat up on, pretty badly! He said the entire cast’s mood changed when she walked in. In clips for next week you see Katie really going at Stassi calling her “selfish”.
Can’t wait to see what happens!
Until next week…
“One day out of the 364 days we have,” Jax says at the beginning of the episode talking about Kristen’s behavior at Scheana’s wedding.
We aren’t the only ones learning this. Tom Sandoval is also shocked, “I’m always learning new things about Jax. Today I learned that he doesn’t know how many days are in a year.”
As if Kristen’s life couldn’t get any worse, the three were out for a girls night when they got into a screaming match with a stripper. The stripper clocked Rachael in the face. Jax claims he was on the phone with Carmen while all of this went down. (Isn’t it weird that Jax’s two ex-girlfriends and a girl he slept with are all besties?! Weird!)
The problem with this story is that it may not be entirely true. During the airing of last night’s episode, Rachael called Jax out on Twitter:
Although she claims that Katie was her last link to “those people” (her ex-friends that work at SUR), she is totally wrong. Stassi meets with Peter to gossip about what has been going on with the SUR crew. She is also overly interested in texts that she has been receiving from Kristen. (More to come on that.)
(Forewarning, they all include a VERY mentally-ill Kristen Doute.)
A very depressed Kristen shows up to a restaurant to meet with James. (She looks horrible.) James blames himself for the punch saying he shouldn’t have gotten in her face. He tells her he loves her.
Kristen responds, “Our relationship is so tainted now because of that.” (Ok, but you are trying to get back together with Tom who cheated on you with Ariana and who you cheated on, with his best friend! But your new relationship is too tainted because of a drunken fight?! Ok, Kristen!)
James opens up and let’s Kristen know that he is insecure. “I have all these insecurities,” he says. “How do you not expect me to be insecure when you talk about him 24/7?” (He is talking about Tom Sandoval here, obvi.)
“I don’t talk about him 24/7,” a VERY delusional Kristen replies, clearly lying.
“You do,” James responds.
Kristen explains in the confessional that, “It’s not about being obsessed with Tom, it’s about being obsessed with honesty.” (REALLY?! SO IS THAT WHY YOU LIED ALL OF SEASON TWO ABOUT SLEEPING WITH JAX?!?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! IS THAT WHY YOU ARE TRYING TO BREAK ARIANA AND TOM UP?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! I actually have been really patient with Kristen but I am about to lose it on her!)
In the end of this scene, the two make up and hug. “I love you,” Kristen says.
(I do not know if they are technically back together here but I know they are together now, check her Twitter — @kristendoute — or Instagram — kristendoute — and you will see James everywhere!)
This sounds totally crazy! Believe me, we all thought it was nuts, even Stassi.
While catching up with Peter, Stassi reveals that Kristen has been texting asking her to meet up for breakfast. “I’m curious,” a very excited-looking Stassi says.
“She is going to try to poison your mind,” Peter says in response.
“This will amuse and entertain me for an hour,” Stassi says. “I am really interested in what she has to say. She is, for sure, up to something.”
In the confessional Stassi explains, “Kristen is a car crash in slow motion and I’m so curious and need to watch it.”
“She always comes with bad news to share. I’m worried now that she’s going to tell me Sandoval murdered somebody.” Stassi later says.
Stassi agrees to breakfast with her ex-bestie. “This feels so awkward,” she admits.
Kristen tells Stassi that she is tired of being called a liar about the Tom-Miami girl cheating scandal. She says that Jax knows she is telling the truth because it was Jax who leaked the rumor when he was talking to Kristen in private one day.
The producers cut to a prior clip of Kristen and Jax talking. Jax tells Kristen, “Use all the facts. You don’t need me to say it.”
Kristen finally gives away the real reason these two frenemies are meeting up. “How do I get him to tell the truth?” She desperately asks Stassi. “No one knows how to get it out better than you.”
“So you need my help?” Stassi responds, totally scheming. She gives Kristen her best advice, “You have to have Scheana there because Scheana and him are like, weird besties and she will tell Ariana.” (Why is she giving her enemy tips? She loves the SUR drama even though she claims she does not.) “Push harder,” she says. “Keep pushing him because he loves to tell. He loves to gossip.” Kristen sits on the other side of the table avidly taking notes in her head.
Then Stassi drops a piece of advice that even shocked me: “I would really like you to consider letting it go.” (WHAT?!? IS THIS REALLY STASSI SPEAKING?! At first I thought, “Wow! This girl HAS come a long way! It is the SUR people who made her crazy.” Then I thought, “But why would she go through all of the advice-giving, tempting Kristen and then tell her not to?!” My best guess – she wants to look like she is above the drama but realistically, she wants this all to go down. If she didn’t want this to happen, she wouldn’t have said anything.)
In the confessional Stassi says that Kristen needs to, “Stop pointing out the flaws in others to make herself feel better.” She asks, “You lost your friends, your job, and maybe James. Is it worth it?”
Kristen says that it is worth it because the truth needs to be revealed.
Thinking back to the breakfast meeting with Kristen, Stassi says, “It’s like Kristen is trying to win the Pulitzer Prize for cheating journalism.”
Yes, she actually did it! Kristen plans dinner with Rachael, Scheana, Shay and Jax.
Scheana, the blind Bridezilla, thinks Kristen will apologize for the way she behaved at the wedding. (She is totally going to be blindsided. Scheana, don’t you know Kristen by now? She ALWAYS has ulterior motives.)
Jax knows what is coming but says that he had to agree to dinner with her because Kristen is like a “pit bull” and will continue to bother him about it until he agrees.
Kristin explains that everyone is f%&$ing around on each other and she is the one paying for it. (That is true to an extent. Jax and Tom were best friends. Jax slept with Tom’s girlfriend at the time, Kristen. Jax and Tom are still friends. Tom cheated on Kristen with Ariana. Ariana and Tom are now dating. Everyone is friendly with one another but not with Kristen. But honestly Kristen, did you think you and Ariana were going to become besties after the break-up? Did you think you and Tom would still be friends? Jax and Tom weren’t dating but you are Tom were.)
Kristen asks Jax if Sandoval slept with Miami Girl.
“Why is it my duty to let this out?” Jax asks. Jax looks like he is struggling and doesn’t know what to do.
“I think you should tell the truth,” Scheana says.
Jax FINALLY, after a full season of waiting, drops the bomb, “That girl was with Tom, in the room, having sex. She slept with him and had sex with him.”
Kristen smiles the most insane smile you have ever seen. (Like a crazy criminal who just got away with a horrific crime. It was honestly very disturbing, even for Kristen.)
“I don’t know if I believe everything.” Scheana says. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I think. They are happy.”
Scheana and Shay are done with this conversation and decide to leave. Kristen goes APE SHIT because her plan is not going as she wanted it to. Scheana doesn’t believe the entire story and does not care. Kristen clearly wants Scheana to be appalled by it all and tell Ariana, ultimately breaking the couple up. Scheana breaks it to Kristen that she is not a good friend and that she makes it hard for Scheana to be friends with both her and Ariana. Kristen loses her mind!
“Can you imagine being me?” Kristen asks, crying explaining that Scheana’s bestie is the reason that her relationship with Tom is over.
Next time on Vanderpump Rules… IT IS THE FINALE!!!! (OMG!!! NO PUMP RULES FOR ANOTHER YEAR (IF IT EVEN COMES BACK)!!! I WILL DIE!!!!) In the final episode of season three we see the employees of SUR posing at a photo shoot for the restaurants 10th anniversary. Tom Schwartz is in therapy because he’s afraid of marriage. (Wah!) Scheana confronts Sandoval about the cheating scandal. While at SUR, Lisa encourages Stassi to make up with Katie. Jax walks in soon after the conversation, Stassi panics and leaves. Katie isn’t sure about Toms level of commitment to this relationship and acts like she wants to break up (SPOILER ALERT: They are still together, check her Twitter and Instagram!)
Until next week!
We pick back up on this week at Scheana’s wedding. Kristen is crying tears of joy, the cast gets a picture with the married couple, Scheana is explaining to Lisa why it took her so long to walk down the aisle. Here is what happens with each couple during the reception:
Scheana brags about her life to the camera, “I have a husband. None of my friends have a husband. That’s awesome!”
Back at the wedding, Scheana is freaking the f*&# out because the DJ is mistiming her walk out song with Shay. She is yelling at her wedding planner and refuses to go out.
“The whole reception is f*$%ed,” she screams.
She makes the DJ stop the song he is playing and re-start it because she is suppose to come in at 24 seconds. (Geez, get it right!) Once they finally walk out Scheana does a good job putting on a fake happy smile for the crowd.
A really sweet Shay looks at his wife, “I love you so much. This is insane.”
Scheana makes an announcement to all of her guests. No drinks on the dance floor. She doesn’t want anyone to “break their teeth” on a slippery floor. She has a bad experience with that in the past. (SO that is how she chipped her tooth last season. She was so emotional about that tooth that she blocked me on Twitter after I made fun of her for it. Calm down girl, your teeth are fine.)
Later, we see Scheana being the Bridezilla she is. She is bitching out her wedding planner:
“All the songs I wanted to dance to already played.” (Wahhh!)
She screams at this poor woman about tossing the bouquet, cutting the cake and doing a dollar dance. Scheana says if these things do not get done within the next five minutes, she will grab the microphone and do it all herself. (I would have loved to see that.)
In the end, Ariana calms Scheana down and tells her no one knows things are not going as planned.
“To everyone else, this has been an amazing night.”
Ariana tells Scheana that she loves her and gives her a hug. Ariana asks Scheana to dance and the two run off to the dance floor. Scheana ends up having an amazing time. (Thank God Ariana has great crisis intervention skills. You may have a career in therapy, my friend!)
Kristen sees Lisa and Ken and decides to say hello. Ken ignores her and walks away. Lisa stays and talks to her. They both confront one another about things that have happened. Kristen looks miserable but is faking that she is really happy.
“You just don’t like me,” Kristen says to Lisa.
Although it sounds interesting, nothing really happens here. The two go back and forth for a little while and finally Kristen hugs Lisa and they go their separate ways.
Very boring and totally predictable — Vail is flirting with Peter sending him all the wrong signals. She doesn’t want to date him but admits that she flirts with him and that the flirting will not stop. (So histrionic of her.)
Schwartz says that while watching the wedding he was thinking that he could see himself up on that stage, getting married. He sits at the table with Katie discussing the type of music they would want played at their wedding. Tom takes Katie to a private area and says he wants to talk to her. He apologizes for being a jerk. He pulls out a little box and opens it up. It is a RING ON A STRING! Poor Katie, she starts to cry. She confesses to us all that they have been dating for four years and she is pushing 30 so this is not a good sign. Schwartz then realizes this was a big mistake. He admits to us that he fears commitment.
Later, Lisa finds Katie alone and crying. She asks what’s wrong and Katie tells her about the RING ON A STRING. Lisa starts to cry with Katie. She asks Katie if Tom is worth waiting for. Lisa says that if he is, she should carry on waiting for him and if not, she needs to tell him what she wants. Katie confesses that she needs to stand up for herself. (This was a really cute talk between the two. You can tell Lisa really cares for Katie.)
“This is the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to. But it is also the first wedding I have ever been to,” says Jax.
Jax is at the wedding trying to get with Carmen, which is not working. He asks Carmen to dance but she is leaving. Jax is offended thinking Carmen would spend the night with him. Carmen makes it clear she never said she would stay with him. Once Carmen leaves we see Jax trying to pick up other girls and falling flat on his face:
“I am trying to spit game and garbage is coming out of my mouth,” he confesses.
At one point we see him flirting and joking around about “sealing the deal” with Lisa. (Awkward!)
Back in LA, Stassi and Kristina are hanging out. Kristina sees pictures of the wedding on social media so decides to show Stassi. Stassi is so excited to see the pictures:
“That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I have ever seen in my entire life,” Stassi says getting her first glimpse of Scheana on her wedding day.
Stassi tells us that it “puts a giant smile” on her face to see Scheana wearing a crop top wedding gown.
“It’s your wedding day, try not to look like a hooker today,” Stassi says again referring to Scheana.
She then goes on to comment on Lisa’s wedding garb, “Lisa is wearing a bondage gown and she looks hotter than me. It’s annoying.”
The two laugh about the matching tux’s Ken and Giggy wore to the wedding.
Stassi later says that Scheana’s reception looks “so beautiful”. Kristina asks if Stassi is sad that she is not there at the wedding with everyone. Stassi says no and laughs.
You see Tom several times tearing up the dance floor. (It is hilarious.) Tom & Ariana lay pretty low this episode. The one notable thing that happened was this –
Tom says to his friends, “When I want to go on vacation, I just look into Ariana’s eyes.” (WHO SAYS THAT?! I died when I heard that.)
He goes on to say, “I’m f*&#ing in love with you,” to her.
She talks about this relationship being the closest she has ever been to wanting to get married.
James, upset about Kristen’s obsession with Tom, tells us, “I’m already butt-hurt about Kristen.”
So he decides, “I’m turning up.”
We see James having many drinks and getting drunk. Kristen looks completely annoyed with him. Max and James are sitting alone talking when they see Kristen leaving with her trainer.
James chases after her, “You treat me like a f*&^ing boy toy.”
He is yelling and getting close to her.
“Get out of her face,” the trainer yells at him.
James describes why he is so angry in the moment, “You don’t want to see your girlfriend walking away with a guy with a dumb face and a stupid beard.” (I got many laughs out of that.)
James finally tells Kristen, “We are done because you are in-manageable.” (Poor James. He doesn’t even know what he is saying.)
Kristen punches James in the face.
“You’re a slut,” He screams at her, walking away. “You’ve f&^@ed everybody at SUR!”
James gets back to the reception and walks straight up to Tom. He tells him about the punch.
“Don’t make excuses for her,” Tom says to him.
“I love her,” James tells him.
Tom says that he knows. He invites James to come hang out at his room after the reception and tells him that he is welcome to stay the night there.
In the end, the crew wakes up early to clean up. After the fight between Kristen and James the night before, Scheana says she will never invite Kristen to anything ever again. Katie realizes that if Stassi had her way, she would not be here with this group of people having so much fun. Lisa admits, “Scheana actually did it. She pulled off a princess wedding on a waitress salary.” Finally, we see the group pulling flowers out of the fountain together. “I’m having a beer and candy for breakfast. This is awesome.” Scheana says.
Next time on Vanderpump Rules – Jax tells Tom that Kristen is blowing his phone up daily to talk about Tom. Tom tells Jax to not discuss any of his business with Kristen. James is fed up with Kristen talking about Tom 24/7. Kristen denies that she talks about him. Kristen and Stassi are meeting up. Kristen wants to know how she can get Jax to tell on Tom (since Stassi got Jax to turn on Kristen last season). “So you need my help,” Stassi says in a menacing tone. (She loves to be in control.) We finally see Kristen crying to Scheana saying she doesn’t feel bad for Ariana because she was the reason Kristen and Tom broke up. (This episode looks amazing. Don’t they all?!)
Until next week!
The episode begins at Villa Rosa (Lisa Vanderpump’s home) where you see Scheana walk over the small bridge, past the swans, to the front door. She cannot believe it has been over a year since Shay asked for her hand in marriage here at Lisa’s home, now she is getting married! Scheana, who had a wedding budget of $30,000, has tripled her costs and is coming to Lisa to ask her to provide 300 bottles of her Sangria and some vodka for the wedding.
Across town we see Tom, Schwartz and Jax hanging out with Shay. They are going to get their haircuts for the wedding. They guys bring 40’s for Shay and you see them in the street, midday, holding paper bags in the shape of bottles.
It is finally time for the rehearsal dinner, which is at SUR (because Scheana gets her employee discount there of course). Here we see all of Scheana and Shay’s family and friends including some SUR employees. James walks in alone and we find out that Kristen is not allowed to step foot in SUR. (HA!) Tom and James sit down outside to talk together. Tom feels bad for James at this point so he decides to get real with him about Kristen. Tom warns James of Kristen and shows him text messages she has sent him about getting together over the weekend to “shoot the shit”.
The next morning we see Scheana with Ariana and Katie at the wedding site. They are going over the details of the venue and ceremony with the wedding planner, Danielle — who Scheana found on Instagram. Pandora shows up soon after with her car packed with items for the reception.
Back in LA, Kristen and James are out to eat and James tells Kristen about the conversation he had with Tom. You can tell Kristen is interested and feels flattered but she is putting on a front pretending to act confused and disgusted that Tom would want to talk to James about her. James confronts Kristen about the texts she sent to Tom. Kristen says that she was not trying to get together to hang out but that she was just trying to be friendly. Then she turns back into her delusional self as she tells James that it is funny Tom thinks she is obsessed with his life because clearly he is obsessed with her life.
It is the night before the wedding and Scheana is sitting in a room with all of her bridesmaids, her mother and Katie. (Why is Katie there? I am not sure but whatever.) Scheana has gifts for all of her bridesmaids – custom wine glasses painted to look like each girl with boobs sticking out of them. The girls are going to drink out of these at the wedding. (CLASSY! You know how Scheana does, all class all the time. That’s what I would want at my wedding reception, wine glasses with boobs sticking out of them.) Scheana doesn’t leave Katie out either, “Just because you are not a bridesmaid doesn’t mean you don’t get anything,” she says to Katie. Scheana hands her a red Solo cup wine glass with ‘Katie’ written on it and a bottle of tequila. Katie is happy, smiling and laughing. In front of the rest of the girls, the two talk about how far they have come. Katie talks about the mean things she has said to Scheana and Scheana recalls names she has called Katie. They laugh over it. (Although I am not Scheana’s biggest fan she is starting to grow on me. She is annoying but she is a good friend and she forgives. She and Katie have really come a long way. Katie looks so happy here, like genuinely happy. I have always loved Katie but she has looked miserable for some time and I started to wonder about her. I am really glad for her new friendship with Scheana and Ariana because I do believe they are great friends. Although I love Stassi, I think Stassi was not always good for Katie. Katie always put in more effort and was not getting the same in return. I am really happy to see her so happy here. Go Katie!)
The night is coming to a close and the girls are getting ready for bed. Tomorrow is the big day! It is Scheana’s last night as a single woman so she decides she is going to spend the night with Ariana. Scheana climbs into bed with those HUGE ass glasses that she kept wearing last season. (What is she trying to see into with those Coke bottle glasses? Next week?!) She kisses Ariana and they turn the lights out.
It is finally wedding day and we see the girls getting ready. (They have four hours to get their hair and makeup done.) Mid-hair style, Scheana realizes that she left Shay’s wedding gift in her room at home (which is only about 30 minutes away). Scheana is in full panic mode. (It is really not that big of a deal. Shay is the nicest guy, he totally would have understood if you gave it to him later.) Scheana has gotten Shay a book of boudoir photos she took. She wants him to remember what she looked like on their wedding day because she is planning to not look that great after having a few kids. In curlers, she calls Jax, desperate for him to answer. The phone goes to voice-mail. Who else is back in LA? Kristen! She calls her in a hurry and Kristen comes through. She is going to pick up the gift and deliver it to Scheana. Ariana is not thrilled about this but Scheana has no choice. Kristen shows up and stays to get her makeup done. Bridesmaids are asking a very uncomfortable Ariana if she is ok.
The guests begin to show up for the ceremony which is located outside, overlooking mountains. (It is an absolutely stunning view.) We see Vail show up, Schwartz and Katie, Peter, Kristen and James and Jax and Carmen. (Don’t worry, Carmen and Jax are not there together as dates.) Lisa and Ken walk in later and Lisa is impressed with the amazing job Scheana has done pulling all of this together. With everyone there, Jax asks, “Who is working at SUR?” He jokes around about SUR being closed for the wedding.
Shay is with Tom Sandoval and the rest of the groomsmen in their suite getting ready. Tom is taking an extra-long time to finish his hair up. “Don’t make eye contact while he is doing his hair!” Shay says to his other groomsmen. Clearly Tom is the last to finish his look for the event. He lets us know that he may be a slight pain in the ass but the pictures are going to be around forever so he has to make sure that he looks good in them.
In the meantime, Scheana is ready to walk out and begins her way downstairs. She looks at the stage and notices that the guys are not up there yet. Scheana turns into a bridezilla and starts for freak out. “I’m not zen anymore!” She yells. (Really, you are not ‘zen’ anymore?! Get a life! Who says that?! No one goes through life totally ‘zen’ and you can be a few minutes late, it is YOUR wedding! Calm down!)
The time is 6:20PM and the wedding was set to begin at 6:00. People start to look around and wonder what is going on. Minutes later the men begin to walk out. Shay looks absolutely amazing in the jacket Tom Sandoval got for him. His groomsmen walk out, one going up to Shay and performing his secret handshake. We also see Tom Sandoval walking out with girlfriend and bridesmaid, Ariana. That image makes Kristen want to barf but Lisa Vanderpump is thrilled to see them and comments that they should be next.
Everyone is on stage and ready. The singer begins to sing. The crowd stands. And stands. AND STANDS. Where is the bride? Where is Scheana Marie? “Did she change her mind?” Lisa Vanderpump asks. NOPE! Scheana Marie is backstage acting like a little psycho diva bitch. Someone cued the singer to start and little Miss Scheana was not ready to walk out. So instead of just walking out, Scheana waits for the singer (who also works at SUR) to completely finish the song then making her begin the same song again. (All the while bitching out her wedding planner. Scheana, Instagram is not a site to hire wedding planners. You did this to yourself!) This time, out walks Scheana Marie looking absolutely gorgeous. (I am not a fan of her dress but the dress was so her! Her hair and make-up were perfect!) “She looks like a crop top bride angel. She looks breathtaking!” Katie says. (So cute, ‘crop top bride angel’!)
We watch as Scheana and Shay get married and it was really a beautiful scene. The two are so happy and they are loved by all of their 300 guests.
On the next episode of Vanderpump Rules – We see Tom and Katie sharing a moment alone at the wedding. Tom confesses to us that he could imagine himself up there on that stage getting married. He has a small gift for Katie. Scheana is all bent out of shape because all of the songs she wanted to dance to have already been played (she must have missed them, boo hoo!). Kristina and Stassi sit around making fun of Scheana’s crop top wedding dress. James flies off the handle at the reception and Kristen tells him they are done. (I cannot explain to you how excited I am to see this episode!)
Until next week!