Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 20 – #PumpRules

Reunion Part 2

Ok so you all know by now that I absolutely LOVE Vanderpump Rules, right?! Well then you have to trust me when I say last night’s episode was a real bore. I love reunions on Bravo because they are usually a lot of drama-filled craziness. Although last night did have its moments the show almost felt like a recap of the season. So here are the three important take-aways of last night.

Stassi Has A Sex Tape

While the SUR crew was ganging up on Stassi she tried to defend her mean-girl behavior by actually outing herself. “Do you all really want to know why I dislike Scheana?” Stassi says. The cast all seems to know what Stassi is talking about but no one says anything in response. Andy Cohen has no idea what is going on so he asks what happened. Stassi let’s us all know that her ex-boyfriend came into SUR with a “video” and was showing it to everyone. Scheana watched it and apparently told him to sell it to TMZ. Scheana claims she never told him to sell it to TMZ but that is what Stassi heard.

Jax tattooed Stassi’s face on his arm

Yes, Jax is at it again with his idiotic tattoos. Does he not think?! This time he got some ink that he calls a “hybrid” of Stassi and Carmen tattooed on his upper arm. Andy Cohen asks to see it, so Jax shows it. “You are a straight up serial killer,” Stassi says in reaction to the tattoo.

Kristen admits she reached out to Miami Girl First

We finally get the truth behind the Miami girl situation. Kristen Doute finally admits that she was the one to reach out to Miami girl. This again started the Miami girl conversation. Tom still denies that he slept with this girl. Jax admits that he lied to Kristen about Tom sleeping with her. Jax claims that Miami girl told Jax that she slept with Tom and admits he did not actually see anything. Ariana says that sometimes she wishes Sandoval would cut Jax off as a friend because of all of Jax’s hurtful lying. Jax apologizes and admits he has gone over to their apartment crying and apologizing about the damage he has done. Tom clears it all up by announcing that he doesn’t sleep with girls while they are on their period, which Miami girl was. (Why do we now know the when Miami girl is menstruating? Thanks for clearing that up Tom.)

Aside from these three things not a lot else happens. Katie basically tears Stassi a new one the entire episode. Stassi apologizes to the cast for the things she has said about them. (She never apologizes!) We find out Katie actually did not “motor boat a D”. Tom Schwartz fakes a proposal to Katie. Kristen claims Jax is the root of everyone’s problems. And Jax sits around with a constant look of disgust on his face. (He was an absolute treat during this reunion show.)

Next week we will take a look at Vanderpump Rules from behind the scenes in the final episode of season 3 (tear). Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

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Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 17 – #PumpRules

Jax Cracks

3 things we learned this week

1. Jax does not know how many days are in a year.

“One day out of the 364 days we have,” Jax says at the beginning of the episode talking about Kristen’s behavior at Scheana’s wedding.

We aren’t the only ones learning this. Tom Sandoval is also shocked, “I’m always learning new things about Jax. Today I learned that he doesn’t know how many days are in a year.”

2. Kristen, Carmen & Rachael got in a fight with a stripper.

As if Kristen’s life couldn’t get any worse, the three were out for a girls night when they got into a screaming match with a stripper. The stripper clocked Rachael in the face. Jax claims he was on the phone with Carmen while all of this went down. (Isn’t it weird that Jax’s two ex-girlfriends and a girl he slept with are all besties?! Weird!)

The problem with this story is that it may not be entirely true. During the airing of last night’s episode, Rachael called Jax out on Twitter:

3. Stassi still really wants to be part of SUR!

Although she claims that Katie was her last link to “those people” (her ex-friends that work at SUR), she is totally wrong. Stassi meets with Peter to gossip about what has been going on with the SUR crew. She is also overly interested in texts that she has been receiving from Kristen. (More to come on that.)

3 most important things that happened this week

(Forewarning, they all include a VERY mentally-ill Kristen Doute.)

1. Kristen and James get back together? I think.

A very depressed Kristen shows up to a restaurant to meet with James. (She looks horrible.) James blames himself for the punch saying he shouldn’t have gotten in her face. He tells her he loves her.

Kristen responds, “Our relationship is so tainted now because of that.” (Ok, but you are trying to get back together with Tom who cheated on you with Ariana and who you cheated on, with his best friend! But your new relationship is too tainted because of a drunken fight?! Ok, Kristen!)

James opens up and let’s Kristen know that he is insecure. “I have all these insecurities,” he says. “How do you not expect me to be insecure when you talk about him 24/7?” (He is talking about Tom Sandoval here, obvi.)

“I don’t talk about him 24/7,” a VERY delusional Kristen replies, clearly lying.

“You do,” James responds.

Kristen explains in the confessional that, “It’s not about being obsessed with Tom, it’s about being obsessed with honesty.” (REALLY?! SO IS THAT WHY YOU LIED ALL OF SEASON TWO ABOUT SLEEPING WITH JAX?!?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! IS THAT WHY YOU ARE TRYING TO BREAK ARIANA AND TOM UP?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! I actually have been really patient with Kristen but I am about to lose it on her!)

In the end of this scene, the two make up and hug.  “I love you,” Kristen says.

(I do not know if they are technically back together here but I know they are together now, check her Twitter — @kristendoute — or Instagram — kristendoute — and you will see James everywhere!)

2. Kristen and Stassi have breakfast together.

This sounds totally crazy! Believe me, we all thought it was nuts, even Stassi.

While catching up with Peter, Stassi reveals that Kristen has been texting asking her to meet up for breakfast. “I’m curious,” a very excited-looking Stassi says.

“She is going to try to poison your mind,” Peter says in response.

“This will amuse and entertain me for an hour,” Stassi says. “I am really interested in what she has to say. She is, for sure, up to something.”

In the confessional Stassi explains, “Kristen is a car crash in slow motion and I’m so curious and need to watch it.”

“She always comes with bad news to share. I’m worried now that she’s going to tell me Sandoval murdered somebody.” Stassi later says.

Stassi agrees to breakfast with her ex-bestie. “This feels so awkward,” she admits.

Kristen tells Stassi that she is tired of being called a liar about the Tom-Miami girl cheating scandal. She says that Jax knows she is telling the truth because it was Jax who leaked the rumor when he was talking to Kristen in private one day.

The producers cut to a prior clip of Kristen and Jax talking. Jax tells Kristen, “Use all the facts. You don’t need me to say it.”

Kristen finally gives away the real reason these two frenemies are meeting up. “How do I get him to tell the truth?” She desperately asks Stassi. “No one knows how to get it out better than you.”

“So you need my help?” Stassi responds, totally scheming. She gives Kristen her best advice, “You have to have Scheana there because Scheana and him are like, weird besties and she will tell Ariana.” (Why is she giving her enemy tips? She loves the SUR drama even though she claims she does not.) “Push harder,” she says. “Keep pushing him because he loves to tell. He loves to gossip.” Kristen sits on the other side of the table avidly taking notes in her head.

Then Stassi drops a piece of advice that even shocked me: “I would really like you to consider letting it go.” (WHAT?!? IS THIS REALLY STASSI SPEAKING?! At first I thought, “Wow! This girl HAS come a long way! It is the SUR people who made her crazy.” Then I thought, “But why would she go through all of the advice-giving, tempting Kristen and then tell her not to?!” My best guess – she wants to look like she is above the drama but realistically, she wants this all to go down. If she didn’t want this to happen, she wouldn’t have said anything.)

In the confessional Stassi says that Kristen needs to, “Stop pointing out the flaws in others to make herself feel better.” She asks, “You lost your friends, your job, and maybe James. Is it worth it?”

Kristen says that it is worth it because the truth needs to be revealed.

Thinking back to the breakfast meeting with Kristen, Stassi says, “It’s like Kristen is trying to win the Pulitzer Prize for cheating journalism.”

3. Kristen cracks Jax.

Yes, she actually did it! Kristen plans dinner with Rachael, Scheana, Shay and Jax.

Scheana, the blind Bridezilla, thinks Kristen will apologize for the way she behaved at the wedding. (She is totally going to be blindsided. Scheana, don’t you know Kristen by now? She ALWAYS has ulterior motives.)

Jax knows what is coming but says that he had to agree to dinner with her because Kristen is like a “pit bull” and will continue to bother him about it until he agrees.

Kristin explains that everyone is f%&$ing around on each other and she is the one paying for it. (That is true to an extent. Jax and Tom were best friends. Jax slept with Tom’s girlfriend at the time, Kristen. Jax and Tom are still friends. Tom cheated on Kristen with Ariana. Ariana and Tom are now dating. Everyone is friendly with one another but not with Kristen. But honestly Kristen, did you think you and Ariana were going to become besties after the break-up? Did you think you and Tom would still be friends? Jax and Tom weren’t dating but you are Tom were.)

Kristen asks Jax if Sandoval slept with Miami Girl.

“Why is it my duty to let this out?” Jax asks. Jax looks like he is struggling and doesn’t know what to do.

“I think you should tell the truth,” Scheana says.

Jax FINALLY, after a full season of waiting, drops the bomb, “That girl was with Tom, in the room, having sex. She slept with him and had sex with him.”

Kristen smiles the most insane smile you have ever seen. (Like a crazy criminal who just got away with a horrific crime. It was honestly very disturbing, even for Kristen.)

“I don’t know if I believe everything.” Scheana says. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I think. They are happy.”

Scheana and Shay are done with this conversation and decide to leave. Kristen goes APE SHIT because her plan is not going as she wanted it to. Scheana doesn’t believe the entire story and does not care. Kristen clearly wants Scheana to be appalled by it all and tell Ariana, ultimately breaking the couple up. Scheana breaks it to Kristen that she is not a good friend and that she makes it hard for Scheana to be friends with both her and Ariana. Kristen loses her mind!

“Can you imagine being me?” Kristen asks, crying explaining that Scheana’s bestie is the reason that her relationship with Tom is over.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules… IT IS THE FINALE!!!! (OMG!!! NO PUMP RULES FOR ANOTHER YEAR (IF IT EVEN COMES BACK)!!! I WILL DIE!!!!) In the final episode of season three we see the employees of SUR posing at a photo shoot for the restaurants 10th anniversary. Tom Schwartz is in therapy because he’s afraid of marriage. (Wah!) Scheana confronts Sandoval about the cheating scandal. While at SUR, Lisa encourages Stassi to make up with Katie. Jax walks in soon after the conversation, Stassi panics and leaves. Katie isn’t sure about Toms level of commitment to this relationship and acts like she wants to break up (SPOILER ALERT: They are still together, check her Twitter and Instagram!)

Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 14 – #PumpRules

Judgement Day

In last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules we all are dealing with the aftermath of Miami girl. The show starts at Villa Rosa, Lisa Vanderpump’s home (Yes, her home has a name. I wish my little apartment in the downtown trash section of Baltimore was so FAB!) Lisa is home with Ken as daughter, Pandora and son-in-law, Jason show up for Ken’s birthday. Adopted son and SUR employee, Max joins as well. They sit at a table and have dinner discussing Kristen. Lisa talks about having an allegiance to Kristen because she has worked there for seven years. (Come on Lisa, we know you hate Kristen. You have only kept her around because she is great television.) Pandora tells Lisa that she must make a decision. Max points out how different James has become since he has started dating Kristen.

Over at some pool-bar Kristen and James are hanging out with Jax and Carmen. Carmen tells Jax to slow down on the booze and a sensitive Jax takes offense to it. He tells her that some of the things she says to him are hurtful. Carmen gets real with him and reminds him of how many girls he talks to while they are together. Jax denies this and tells her to look through his phone. She won’t do it because she is somewhat normal and sane however, her insane pal, Kristen, jumps at the opportunity. Kristen takes the phone and almost instantly has a look of surprise on her face. Jax suddenly thinking, “Uh oh,” but in a way that seemed fake, like he wanted her to find something. Knowing Jax you immediately think it is something about a girl he is talking to as he tries to get the phone back saying, “Actually you shouldn’t be reading that.” This time it wasn’t another girl he was talking to, it was Tom Schwartz. (How convenient, outing Schwartz’s mistake to the craziest girl at SUR. What a nice BFF Jax is!) “Whoops,” he says.

At a bar in which the main entry is filled with hundreds of door knobs, we see Katie with the two Tom’s. Pull the right knob to get into the bar, Katie explains as Schwartz gets in with the first knob he pulls. They walk into the bar and sit down. Scheana and Shay follow shortly after. (Genius Scheana had a hard time getting in.) Tom Sandoval talks about how he has gotten no sleep recently because of the Miami girl incident. Scheana comes in being the Bridezilla she is, talking about her wedding. (We are all still annoyed that a girl who aided in breaking up someone else’s marriage, Scheana, is getting married to such a nice guy.) She tells us, “I am literally pulling off my dream wedding on a waitress budget.” (#Winning – Scheana no one cares.) While hanging out, Schwartz gets a text from Jax. Jax explains that Kristen went through his phone and read the texts about what he did while in Vegas. In fear that Katie will hear from someone else, anxiety-ridden Schwartz tells Katie he needs to talk to her and they leave the table. He explains that while in Vegas for a guy’s trip, he got drunk and made out with another girl. He said he was unsure of their relationship at the time. An obviously upset Katie is angry saying if she was unsure of the relationship she wouldn’t have gone and made out with another guy. She said it was not the right time to talk about this and heads back to the table without shedding a tear, even though you could see she wanted to. (Katie is really strong here and I commend her for keeping it to herself instead of starting a big drama at the table with everyone else.)

When Katie and Schwartz return home their dog is excited to see them but you can see a black cloud forming inside the apartment. Katie is upset and they talk about the situation. Tom apologizes for the timing. Katie explains that she lets him go on these trips and says, “I was over here sitting on the couch…”

Tom interrupts, “Motor-boating a D!”

(Silence.)

“I know. Bad joke,” Schwartz replies. (I am sorry but I lost it at that point. That is hilarious but if I were Katie I would have been livid.)

She asks if anything else happened saying if he doesn’t tell her now, she will eventually find out. Tom says there may have been touching but nothing else. He said he talked to the girl the next day via text and explained he was drunk, didn’t know what was happening and had a girlfriend. He asked her what happened and the girl said it was fine and that they only made out. Katie wanted to see the text but Schwartz had deleted them, just like Jax would have she implies.

The next day at SUR, Scheana is telling Ariana about Schwartz cheating. Ariana explains that Tom Sandoval has told her that Jax makes attempts to get Schwartz to cheat on Katie. Ariana said that Jax will get Schwartz drunk and then force his and a drunk girls head together trying to get them to kiss. (Jax is a total ass hole so I totally believe this.)

Curling her hair at James house, we see Kristen preparing for her first day back to work at SUR after the Miami girl incident a few days ago. She is talking to James worried, even though she is acting like she is not, about what may occur at work today.

Lisa walks in to SUR with Ken and sits down at a table with business partners Natalie and Guillermo, as well as Diana, the manager Kristen flipped out on last episode. They are about to meet with Kristen. Kristen comes into the meeting SO HOT as she says, “End of the table? How did I get so lucky?” (Why would you act like a sarcastic bitch coming into a meeting with all of your bosses after the way you treated a manager just days ago? …Because you are Kristen Doute.) At this point Lisa tells Ken and Guillermo they can leave and she will handle this. Natalie and Diana stay. Lisa says that she doesn’t care that Kristen orchestrated the situation with Miami girl, she cares that Kristen planned for it to go down in her restaurant. Kristen denies that she put the plan together. (No one in the world believes that.) Lisa goes on to say that not only did she make a scene that day with Miami girl but that she also disrespected a manager. Kristen explains, “ That was probably the best it could have gone!” (Really?! Telling your boss to, “Walk the f*** away,” and to, “S*** a d***,” was the best it could have gone?! Wow!) Kristen explained it wasn’t her fault because the girl reached out to her. Lisa then hits her with something that should have been done long ago, “Kristen you are fired from SUR restaurant.”

Kristen walks outs without saying anything to anyone. Jax is sitting outside and is surprised when he sees her walking out. His reaction to the firing, “This is a good change for Kristen to pick herself up, dust herself off and go f*** up someone else’s restaurant.” (Jax is an ass hole but I do love him because that is HILARIOUS!) We then see Tom Sandoval completely freaking out in his confessional with excitement about the firing. The cameras are then back in SUR where he tells Ariana. They then cut to a confessional of her as she dances and sings a little song. Two cooks in the back of SUR high five each other and laugh. Scheana (who I thought was her friend) dances around and Katie does too. Jax closes out the confessional celebrations with a slow clap. All happy about the move Lisa makes.

Now we are at Dylan’s Candy Bar where Scheana and Shay are with Tom Sandoval and Ariana. They are picking out pink, gold and white candy for their wedding. Scheana knows the owner and he is going to give them a discount. Scheana whines the entire time about Kristen. She worries Kristen’s behavior will ruin her wedding. (She needs to stop complaining about this, we have heard about it the five episodes. If you are worried, un-invite her ass so we don’t have to hear about it.)

Back at James’s, Kristen is sitting in bed in a dress texting Rachel who is coming over, while James pretends to make beats on his computer. Rachel shows up with champagne. Kristen says they are having a “retirement party” and explains that although worried about not having a job, today is all about “getting pissy on the crissy”. (Yeah!) Kristen tells Rachel about the firing and says that, “Lisa and SUR can suck it.”

Surprising to me, we see Katie and Christina (you know, the obnoxiously skinny one who is best friends with Stassi) out to eat. Katie tells her about Kristen’s firing. They also talk about Schwartz cheating and about Stassi but nothing new or important is said.

At the end of the episode Schwartz shows up at Jax’s house. Jax is sitting on the couch with a lit candle watching his mobile app on TV. Schwartz walks in and he sees Jax watching himself run in place on TV. Jax explains, “That’s me running from my ex-girlfriends.” (Oh Jax, you are so funny. Ha. Ha. HA. Lame.) At this point I don’t know if Schwartz is drunk or what, but he seems to have grown a set of balls as he goes off on Jax. “It takes a lot of courage to throw your best friends under the bus.” He explains that he has been hearing rumors about himself non-stop and that he knows Jax told Kristen. Jax responds, “I’m not sorry,” and explains this is not his fault. He says he is tired of being the “liar” and “cover-up” for everyone. Tom responds by telling Jax, “I bend over backwards for you,” during the entire San Diego fiasco. Schwartz says there has been a “pattern” of Jax trying to “sabotage” his relationship with Katie. He then says that Jax has even been trying to keep this Miami girl situation alive with Tom Sandoval. (Bro-code, dude!) And the show ends.

After the show, Bravo had an after show called Vanderpump Rules – Last Call with host, Aliya-Jasmine. (Who is Aliya-Jasmine you ask? Me too. So I looked her up. She is actually Aliya-Jasmine “AJ” Sovani and she is a television personality and producer. She has a popular blog called He Suits, He Scores and is an expert in all things pop culture and sports. Hm…sounds familiar…) She sat down first with Kristen, then with Tom and Ariana and lastly with Lisa Vanderpump. (As someone who loves this show I was excited to see this but it was actually rather boring.) Here are the takeaways:

  • Kristen still denies setting up the Miami girl situation – Kristen said she knew that Miami girl was coming to LA because Miami girl texted her asking to sit down and talk. She said that Miami girl wanted to confront Tom. Kristen told Miami girl that she would be at SUR that night with her friend Rachel to have drinks for Rachel’s birthday. She told Miami girl that she could stop by if she would like and she also told Miami girl that Tom would be working.
  • Jax carries around a fake black AMEX– Random VPR fact of the day. He does this to impress girls. (Jax we all know you are a bartender, calm down.)
  • The stars of the show really work at SUR – In case you didn’t already know this. (I have been to SUR several times and have seen everyone from the show working there. Except Jax and Ariana, I have not seen them yet.) Lisa, Tom and Ariana all talk about how accessible they are to fans of the show. Aliya asks if situations like the Miami girl one happen often at SUR. Lisa says no but that people come in to see the cast all the time. (Duh! I mean that is the entire reason I went to SUR. I was surprised that the food was decently priced and it was actually good, like REALLY good!) Lisa explains that this is the “nature of the beast” and that a lot of people come in excited to meet everyone because they love the cast. (That is what I have seen. Everytime I have been there people take pictures with them. I must say, they are all SUPER NICE about it. From my personal experience, in case anyone is wondering, Katie and Peter are both pretty quiet. Kristen looked so angry the time I was in there that I was afraid to approach her. Stassi was SUPER NICE and smiley and willing to take pictures with people, I actually REALLY liked her a lot, and she is SO skinny in person! But my favorite, Tom Sandoval. This kid made my entire trip to LA worth it as he talked my ear off about the show. I asked him question after question and he worked away behind the bar answering every question. He was so sweet, he was so kind and because of that he has turned into my favorite. In person Tom is exactly like he is in the show, but he is a good guy. I am happy for him that he is so happy with Ariana. Here is a pic of me and Tom at SUR: )

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  • Lisa believes Miami girl – Yes! I cannot believe that. She said that a girl wouldn’t fly across the country and publicly claim that she slept with a guy if she didn’t. (Lisa, are you forgetting there are crazy people in the world, like KRISTEN?! Miami girl could just be another crazy who just wants some TV time.) She said she wants to believe Tom but she doesn’t. She goes on to say that she thinks Ariana gives Tom a lot of passes.

Next week we get to finally see Scheana’s wedding. In true Scheana fashion, it looks as though she is being a diva about everything.

Until next time…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.