Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 20 – #PumpRules

Reunion Part 2

Ok so you all know by now that I absolutely LOVE Vanderpump Rules, right?! Well then you have to trust me when I say last night’s episode was a real bore. I love reunions on Bravo because they are usually a lot of drama-filled craziness. Although last night did have its moments the show almost felt like a recap of the season. So here are the three important take-aways of last night.

Stassi Has A Sex Tape

While the SUR crew was ganging up on Stassi she tried to defend her mean-girl behavior by actually outing herself. “Do you all really want to know why I dislike Scheana?” Stassi says. The cast all seems to know what Stassi is talking about but no one says anything in response. Andy Cohen has no idea what is going on so he asks what happened. Stassi let’s us all know that her ex-boyfriend came into SUR with a “video” and was showing it to everyone. Scheana watched it and apparently told him to sell it to TMZ. Scheana claims she never told him to sell it to TMZ but that is what Stassi heard.

Jax tattooed Stassi’s face on his arm

Yes, Jax is at it again with his idiotic tattoos. Does he not think?! This time he got some ink that he calls a “hybrid” of Stassi and Carmen tattooed on his upper arm. Andy Cohen asks to see it, so Jax shows it. “You are a straight up serial killer,” Stassi says in reaction to the tattoo.

Kristen admits she reached out to Miami Girl First

We finally get the truth behind the Miami girl situation. Kristen Doute finally admits that she was the one to reach out to Miami girl. This again started the Miami girl conversation. Tom still denies that he slept with this girl. Jax admits that he lied to Kristen about Tom sleeping with her. Jax claims that Miami girl told Jax that she slept with Tom and admits he did not actually see anything. Ariana says that sometimes she wishes Sandoval would cut Jax off as a friend because of all of Jax’s hurtful lying. Jax apologizes and admits he has gone over to their apartment crying and apologizing about the damage he has done. Tom clears it all up by announcing that he doesn’t sleep with girls while they are on their period, which Miami girl was. (Why do we now know the when Miami girl is menstruating? Thanks for clearing that up Tom.)

Aside from these three things not a lot else happens. Katie basically tears Stassi a new one the entire episode. Stassi apologizes to the cast for the things she has said about them. (She never apologizes!) We find out Katie actually did not “motor boat a D”. Tom Schwartz fakes a proposal to Katie. Kristen claims Jax is the root of everyone’s problems. And Jax sits around with a constant look of disgust on his face. (He was an absolute treat during this reunion show.)

Next week we will take a look at Vanderpump Rules from behind the scenes in the final episode of season 3 (tear). Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 19 – #PumpRules

The Reunion – Part 1

Last night was part one of the Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Reunion. The reunion was held by non-other than our favorite late night host and reality reunion extraordinaire, Andy Cohen. When the show begins you see Kristen and James, Katie and Schwartz, Lisa Vanderpump, Jax, Scheana, and Tom and Ariana. Here is what happened with each of the SUR couples and cast members:

Kristen and James

Welcome to your first reunion James! (Poor little guy.) He is definitely not the most popular here. He doesn’t say a single intelligent thing this reunion episode but does try to chime in with ridiculous statements  like, “Hot people like to f*#$ hot people.” (Sorry for the language, don’t kill the messenger! That is a direct quote. AND REALLY?! Who says that? Andy Cohen had a field day with that one.)

James tells us that it was hard to go through Kristen’s obsession with Sandoval but now she is 100% over him and they are madly in love. (Yeah right!) The only other part of the reunion that involved James was reliving the fight that he and Tom Sandoval got in at Scheana’s birthday party. Here we revisited one of my favorite parts of the show, the “Beamer-selfie” vs. “Honda Civic-selfie” moment.

Kristen, in the meantime, was getting killed by Tom, Ariana, Scheana and Jax. (Mainly Jax.) Jax cannot stand her any longer and is completely disgusted with her. He yells at her several times and makes faces anytime she speaks.

One person that can stand Kristen?! (This is a shocker!) Stassi! We find out that Stassi and Kristen actually talk and see eachother once in a while.

Katie and Tom Schwartz

Katie and Tom are doing really good. Tom is very quiet, not saying much this episode.

Katie, on the other hand, looks ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! She was the prettiest of the entire night. Her hair was done differently and longer. She looked gorgeous. (I want her hair!) Katie shows that she has grown so much. She stands up to Stassi face-to-face in this episode. She talks about being such a good friend to her and not getting the same respect. She also talks about how grateful she is for going to Miami with the gang. It really changed how she felt about her co-workers and she is really happy about that.

Jax

How miserable was this guy last night? Seriously! I usually love Jax because he is light and funny. He was MISERABLE. You could tell by the look on his face that he was just really not having a good time. There was a constant look of disgust on his face.

Andy Cohen questioned Jax about everything from dating Carmen, to dating Tiffany, to dating both at the same time. He asked about Jax’s relationship with John, if they had ever been together. Jax claims that he has never had a sexual relationship with John.

Jax was also attacked about his constant over exaggerations of events. He was also accused of hooking up with a girl in the bathroom of the hotel room Tiffany had got for him. He claimed she was throwing up and they did not hook up. Sandoval does not believe that.

Jax was most miserable last night because of Kristen. He told her several times to shut up and that he hated her. He was an absolute misery to watch.

Scheana

Honestly, the little SUR diva didn’t do much on the episode. She chimed in here and there but nothing notable happened with her this episode.

Tom Sandoval and Ariana

Tonight we found out that the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and they have moved in together! In the apartment Tom used to share with Kristen. (Awkward!) Sandoval and Ariana are both completely fed up with Kristen and her psychotic antics.

Tom is also fed up with  Jax lies but says they are still friends because Jax does nothing maliciously. He claims Jax is very insecure and that is why he does the things that he does. Lisa Vanderpump disagrees with Toms analysis of Jax and thinks that Jax just does not care about anyone but himself. Tom and Jax seem to still be friends.

Stassi

Yes! Stassi actually shows up to SUR for the reunion. It is her first time face-to-face with a lot of these people. (And she shows her true emotions — anxiety, nervousness — before heading into the reunion by chugging a miniature bottle of Fireball Whiskey.) She comes in wearing a hideous white dress with black checkered lines on it. It makes her appear bigger than she normally is. (Stassi you are so beautiful! WHY THAT DRESS?!)

So what was Stassi’s part in this reunion? She was the punching bag. The cast went HAM on this girl, and deservedly so. Katie told her that she is the most selfish person she has ever met. Ariana let Stassi know that the reason she gave her a hard time was because Stassi was a horrible friend to Katie. Tom Schwartz told Stassi to shut up. Jax on the other hand said he would always be there for Stassi no matter what.

Cast members called her out for acting like she was better than everyone else and for thinking they are all stupid. Stassi claimed that she never thought the cast was stupid. They all called her out for lying about that.

Andy Cohen asked Stassi why her boyfriend never appeared on the show. She responded that this was not him scene. The cast immediately began to mock her, responding, “Because he’s a real man!”

When asked about running from Jax, Stassi explained that she has a boyfriend so it is not right of her to hang out with her ex. She also said that Jax lies to hurt people and she doesn’t want to be a part of that any longer.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules… It is reunion, part 2! Stassi seems to continue to get beat up from the cast. And Tom looks like he is giving Katie a ring (NOT A RING ON A STRING?!) Is he going to ask her to marry him? Are they engaged? How did I not see this on Instagram? Maybe it is not true! Ah!

Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 18 – THE FINALE – #PumpRules

The Finale

Last night was SADLY the finale of season 3 of Vanderpump Rules. (Don’t worry, we still have three episodes to go. Thanks for letting us know Ariana!) Here are the three things that happened in last night’s finale:

1. SUR 10 Year Anniversary Photo Shoot

Once a year, for whatever reason, Lisa Vanderpump sets up a photo-shoot for the SUR staff. (I live in Normalville, USA so waiting tables at a restaurant doesn’t come with annual photo-shoots.) Lisa plans to shoot 1950’s themed pictures at The Pink Motel and the pictures look seriously AMAZING. (See pics from staff Instagram accounts below.) The girls look gorgeous in high waisted skirts, bathing suits and shorts. The men look like “greasers” as Jax describes, wearing white tees, tight pants and leather jackets. The shoot went really well. The staff looked great, except for Jax who thought he looks awesome. “I’m not going to lie, I look good. Got the Botox going. Hairs looking good.” He says of himself. In all reality, Jax looked really odd! He shaved his face which made me realize he had a larger than normal Philtrum. (That’s the area between the nose and upper lip. Yes, I had to Google it.) On top of that, he found it sexy to flare his nostrils in every picture. I found it hilarious. (See his pictures below.)

Because the shoot was going so well, in typical dysfunctional SUR family fashion Scheana decides she must royally f*&# it up for a few people. After one shoot she called Tom Sandoval over and says she needs to talk to him. She tells him about Jax’s claim that he slept with Miami girl. Tom, mad as hell, denies it and asks why Jax is lying. Scheana doesn’t know what to believe as she thinks Jax has been on an honesty kick.

Next Scheana decides it’s right to sincerely bother the mind of her best friend as she goes into hair and makeup to tell Ariana about Jax’s confession. Ariana does not believe any of it and says, “I’m not stupid. I’m smarter than every single person I’ve met in my entire life.” (IDK what that has to do with anything.) Scheana asks her if she truly thinks anything happened in Miami. Ariana looks her in the eyes and says no. Scheana tells her that she will never bother her about it again.

Thanks to Scheana’s inappropriately timed gossip, Sandoval confronts Jax after a shoot the two have together. Jax is pissed and says that he never said Tom slept with Miami girl. (LIAR! Doesn’t this remind you of the photo shoot a few years back when the two were in towels taking pictures and totally angry with one another. It reminded the producers so much so that they flashbacked to it.) Ariana hears the two fighting and invites herself into the mix and both boys start to walk away, Jax losing his cool.

Way to go Scheana, you are totally the queen of something. That something is drama! You couldn’t just keep it to yourself and tell everyone when they were separated and in private?!

Here are some pictures from the shoot:

jax

(From left to right – Katie, Jax, Scheana, Tom, Ariana.)

scheana

(From left to right – Tom, Ariana, Scheana, Jax. Katie in front.)

james

(Top, from left to right – Scheana, James, Random SUR employee, Katie. Bottom – James.)

ariana

(From left to right -Ariana, Katie.)

katie

(From left to right – Katie,  Scheana, Random SUR employee who is too nice to be on the show.)

jax1

(Back row, left to right – Tom, Ariana, Lisa Vanderpump, Scheana, Kristina, Katie, Peter. Front row, left to right – Vail, James, Jax.)

2. Stassi gets “dethroned”

Stassi shows up to SUR to meet with Lisa and to get some goat-cheese balls. (Whatever that means.) Lisa advises Stassi to make up with Katie. She tells her Katie was a good friend to her and that Katie could also use a friend. Lisa invites Stassi to come out to the 10 year anniversary party.

Everyone shows up at SUR for the party. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE — Jax, Tom Sandoval, Ariana, Tom Schwartz, Katie, Peter, Vail. James comes with Kristen, after begging Lisa to allow her to come since she is forbidden to step foot into SUR again. (How does a restaurant ban work? Did Lisa take out a restraining order on the girl?) And Kristina Kelly does the unthinkable, she actually brings STASSI!

Stassi walks in and hugs Kristen and James saying, “YOLO.” Katie, Scheana and Ariana watch from a distance in shock. They also watch as Stassi does a shot with Kristen. (Ok Stassi, SO – you are no longer friends with Katie because she went to Miami with people you didn’t like so that she could be with her boyfriend but you are going to do shots with a psychotic girl who slept with your ex-boyfriend and that is ok?! Makes PERFECT sense!) Kristina Kelly (who I never really liked, mainly because she is boring and she is not hot like she thinks she is) decides she is going to stir a pot which does not need stirred by telling Stassi, “If she had any respect for your friendship she would have gotten up, came over here and said hello.” (No need to make an irrationally angry Stassi more angry.)

Stassi walks over to Katie and asks to talk to her. They sit down in the back of the restaurant.

“Why does it have to be like this?” Stassi questions Katie.

The two talk back and forth, fighting. Stassi tells Katie that her going to Miami is no reason not to talk to one another. Katie explains that she did not make that decision and that Stassi was the one not answering phone calls or texts. The two continue to fight, getting no where.

“Katie is the host body for some Scheana loving parasite that has completely taken over her,” Stassi erratically confesses to us. (Can she please have her own show?! She is truly hilarious!)

Stassi ends up leaving the conversation with no real closure or apology. The two do not make up.

Stassi goes back to the bar and talks with Lisa. She tells Lisa that she spoke with Katie. Mid-conversation Lisa warns Stassi that Jax has just walked in. She didn’t want Stassi to be caught off-guard. Stassi literally goes into full panic-mode and basically runs out of SUR while Lisa yells for her to stop.

We see Stassi walk away from SUR and the cast wishes her farewell:

“So long Stassi being jealous of me.” – Scheana (Stop thinking so highly of yourself.)
“So long Stassi’s tiara.” – Katie
“So long Stassi’s, ‘It’s my birthday!’” – Tom Sandoval
“So long Stassi’s corny statement necklaces.” – Tom Schwartz
“So long Stassi trying to boss me around.” – Scheana

(“So long Stassi’s hilarious comments.” – Me, while crying because I love her and she is hilarious!)

Kristen goes psychotic one last time

Before heading to SUR we see James and Kristen getting ready for the party. James asks Kristen if she can promise him that this will be the last time she obsesses over Tom. Kristen agrees that this will be it.

As they walk into SUR the production crew plays a song about a “Hot Mess”. (HA! Kristen’s theme song.) Kristen greets Lisa and they talk. Lisa asks Kristen what she has learned from her firing. She also asks Kristen to not cause any problems tonight. “If Tom wasn’t a cheating, liar there wouldn’t be any problems,” Kristen says in response. “Let him go,” Lisa says also advising her to make it right with Tom and Ariana.

Sandoval, with Schwartz, tells Jax that he needs to speak to him. They head outside behind the restaurant. (The usual fighting/confronting/Jax being an ass hole spot.) Jax denies ever telling Kristen that Tom slept with Miami girl. (Again, why are you lying? It is all on camera!)

“Hi boys! How’s it going? Am I interrupting something?” Kristen says walking out of SUR and into a mess.

Kristen let’s Tom and Tom know that Jax did tell her and others from SUR that Sandoval had sex with Miami girl.

Jax loses it, “They’re still not going to like you no matter what!” Jax screams at Kristen, red-faced.

“Stop deflecting Jax,” Sandoval responds.

“You’re a liar and a cheater,” Kristen says to Tom.

“And you’re a psycho,” Tom responds. “You burn through friends like Jax burns through condoms!”

Kristen gets up and walks back into the restaurant. She heads straight over to Ariana who is sitting with Lisa and Katie.

“I’ve said everything I can to your boyfriend, and to you. Good Luck!” Kristen says and then walks away.

The three look at each other with confused looks on their faces.

In the end, Vail continues to flirt with Peter. Tom VERY dramatically asks Ariana, in front of Lisa and Katie, to move in with him. (I seriously thought he was proposing in SUR. But at the same time, I knew he wasn’t because I would have seen the ring in a million Twitter or Instagram pics.) Katie tells Tom she is growing impatient with him and he better decide over the next 6 months what he wants. Lisa plays a slide show of the SUR crew’s 10th anniversary pictures while Kristen sits around rolling her eyes and pretending to throw up. At the end, you see everyone leave the restaurant and Peter lock the place up.

THE END.

Not really! OF COURSE there are more episodes but only three more. Next week is part one of the reunion and from what Andy Cohen told us on Watch What Happens Live last night, Stassi gets beat up on, pretty badly! He said the entire cast’s mood changed when she walked in. In clips for next week you see Katie really going at Stassi calling her “selfish”.

Can’t wait to see what happens!

Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – Season 5, Episode 14 – #RHOBH

Surprise!

Ok, can I be honest with you all for a minute? Do you really want to know what happens on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills this week? I have the answer for you, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! I am sorry, I love all things Real Housewives and this is probably my favorite cast but nothing has been happening the last two weeks.

Here is what you need to know to keep up:

Brandi is sober!?

Yes, it is true! At the beginning of the episode we see Brandi at Yolanda’s. They are going to do another yoga session with Keith, Yolanda’s yoga instructor.

“Yoyo!” Brandi says walking in the front door.

Yolanda has talked Brandi into doing a detox program where they both do not eat anything with sugar in it or drink alcohol for 21 days.

“How does it feel, not drinking?” Yolanda asks.

“I miss it,” a sober Brandi replies.

Later in the confessional Brandi says, “Thank God for Xanax.” (Is she serious about this? Xanax is a HORRIBLE drug, even if it was prescribed to you! It is not a detox if you are still on Xanax.)

EVERYONE is worried about Kim.

After all of the craziness that occurred at Eileen’s poker party, everyone is concerned about Kim. Kyle tells Lisa that Brandi is coming between her and her sister. Kyle expresses that she is worried for Kim’s well-being. Lisa advises Kyle not to let the relationship she has with Brandi interfere with the relationship she has with her sister. Lisa wants Kyle to learn to be cordial with Brandi.  “Easy for Lisa to say,” Kyle says. Kyle worries that Brandi will eventually turn on Kim like she has turned on everyone else. She fears if this happens Kim will be heartbroken.

Aside from Kyle’s worry for Kim, Lisa Rinna is seriously confused about Kim’s situation and won’t stop talking about it. “What is everybody so scared of?” She says. “Why is everyone scared of Kim Richards?”

Lisa Vanderpump warns her about confronting Kim. Vanderpump says she too is worried for Kim but does not want to say anything because last time she did everyone blew up on her.

Lisa Rinna wants to do an intervention. Seeing Kim act the way she did at Eileen’s poker party is enough for Lisa Rinna and she thinks everyone else should be concerned too. “It’s very disturbing!” She says.

Brandi, on the beach with her friend who wears too much makeup, also describes a deep worry for Kim. She says she is not the best person for a recovering addict to be around because she drinks and she is not a therapist. Her make-up over-wearing friend describers her own struggle with sobriety and mentions that it took her five years to be able to be around people who drink. She asks if Kim has a sponsor, goes to meetings and it seeing a therapist. Brandi is unsure of all of this.

Ken throws Lisa a Surprise Birthday party.

The shocking part of this is that Ken called Brandi and asked her to come. He didn’t want to leave anyone out.

Ken tells Lisa that they are going out to dinner with Mohammad and his wife. When they leave the house, Ken tells Lisa there is a problem at PUMP and they have to stop by. In this scene, you see the couple fighting with the driver because Lisa does not want to stop at PUMP. She tells Ken that Mohammad hates when they are late. Ken wins and the driver goes to PUMP. Once they get there, Lisa is walking with Ken into PUMP and she asks him what kind of problem is it that he cannot handle without her.

Inside, all of Lisa’s friends and family are hiding behind the bar awaiting her arrival. Lisa finally walks in and everyone jumps out from behind the bar screaming. Lisa is scared but laughing. She had no idea that Ken was throwing a surprise party. She seemed really happy.

These women CANNOT sing.

I do not know if this is shocking to any of you but this episode we find out that these women are absolutely HORRIBLE singers. While at Lisa’s surprise birthday dinner, Lisa somehow talks Brandi (who hates singing) into getting up in front of everyone there and singing an apology song to her. Brandi actually does it and sounds so horrible. (She looks beautiful though.)

“What are you gonna do? When Lisa Vanderpump doesn’t like you.” She sings, totally tone def.

Lisa gets up on stage and starts singing. She points out Kim and brings her up. She twirls Kim around really awkwardly and puts the mic up to her face.

“I can’t sing,” Kim sings into the mic, also totally tone def.

Lisa Rinna (who may just be the best housewife of all time) gets up and takes the mic over. Her voice actually was not too bad. She was hamming it up on stage, singing to Lisa about sex and blow jobs. (Yep. This is what Lisa Vanderpump’s birthday has come to.)

Kyle goes up and gets between the two Lisa’s and sings about loving a “Lisa sandwich”.

Brandi, back at the table now, hears and sees all this and confesses to us, “The menopause sisters were fighting over the mic. I wasn’t going to go up because I still get the flow. if you know what I mean.” (Good lord!)

The girls confront Kim.

Eileen’s husband wrote a screen play and decides to have the girls over to do a table reading of it, giving each girl their own part. It was cute and nice of Eileen’s husband to coordinate but it was rather boring to listen to. After the table read the girls decide to confront Kim about her sobriety.

First they start the conversation talking about a lunch that Lisa Rinna had with Brandi. (Brandi was not at this event.) The girls all agree that Kim and Kyle should not let Brandi get between then.

They ask how Kim has been feeling. Kim talks about how she sits at home and just stays in her room watching TV alone. She says that it is starting to worry her. Lisa Vanderpump asks if Kim wants people to call daily to check in on her and kind of keep her going.

In the confessional Kim says to us, “I don’t know why people get involved in stuff that doesn’t involve them.” (MAYBE BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU KIM!)

Lisa Rinna starts talking to Kim too. They are all offering help to her.

Kim responds to them, in person, “Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.”

 

Next time on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills – We see Lisa Rinna dancing like crazy. Yolanda plans a scavenger hunt for the girls. Kim and Lisa Rinna are fighting about Kim’s sobriety while on a private plane (because that’s how you they roll), the girls go to Amsterdam (Fun! Fun!), Kim is screaming at Kyle and Kyle has no idea what is going on.

Hopefully this episode will give us a little more than the last two.

Until then…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 16 – #PumpRules

Ring on a String

We pick back up on this week at Scheana’s wedding. Kristen is crying tears of joy, the cast gets a picture with the married couple, Scheana is explaining to Lisa why it took her so long to walk down the aisle. Here is what happens with each couple during the reception:

SCHEANA & SHAY

Scheana brags about her life to the camera, “I have a husband. None of my friends have a husband. That’s awesome!”

Back at the wedding, Scheana is freaking the f*&# out because the DJ is mistiming her walk out song with Shay. She is yelling at her wedding planner and refuses to go out.

“The whole reception is f*$%ed,” she screams.

She makes the DJ stop the song he is playing and re-start it because she is suppose to come in at 24 seconds. (Geez, get it right!) Once they finally walk out Scheana does a good job putting on a fake happy smile for the crowd.

A really sweet Shay looks at his wife, “I love you so much. This is insane.”

Scheana makes an announcement to all of her guests. No drinks on the dance floor. She doesn’t want anyone to “break their teeth” on a slippery floor. She has a bad experience with that in the past. (SO that is how she chipped her tooth last season. She was so emotional about that tooth that she blocked me on Twitter after I made fun of her for it. Calm down girl, your teeth are fine.)

Later, we see Scheana being the Bridezilla she is. She is bitching out her wedding planner:

“All the songs I wanted to dance to already played.” (Wahhh!)

She screams at this poor woman about tossing the bouquet, cutting the cake and doing a dollar dance. Scheana says if these things do not get done within the next five minutes, she will grab the microphone and do it all herself. (I would have loved to see that.)

In the end, Ariana calms Scheana down and tells her no one knows things are not going as planned.

“To everyone else, this has been an amazing night.”

Ariana tells Scheana that she loves her and gives her a hug. Ariana asks Scheana to dance and the two run off to the dance floor. Scheana ends up having an amazing time. (Thank God Ariana has great crisis intervention skills. You may have a career in therapy, my friend!)

LISA & KEN

Kristen sees Lisa and Ken and decides to say hello. Ken ignores her and walks away. Lisa stays and talks to her. They both confront one another about things that have happened. Kristen looks miserable but is faking that she is really happy.

“You just don’t like me,” Kristen says to Lisa.

Although it sounds interesting, nothing really happens here. The two go back and forth for a little while and finally Kristen hugs Lisa and they go their separate ways.

PETER & VAIL

Very boring and totally predictable — Vail is flirting with Peter sending him all the wrong signals. She doesn’t want to date him but admits that she flirts with him and that the flirting will not stop. (So histrionic of her.)

Katie & Schwartz

Schwartz says that while watching the wedding he was thinking that he could see himself up on that stage, getting married. He sits at the table with Katie discussing the type of music they would want played at their wedding. Tom takes Katie to a private area and says he wants to talk to her. He apologizes for being a jerk. He pulls out a little box and opens it up. It is a RING ON A STRING! Poor Katie, she starts to cry. She confesses to us all that they have been dating for four years and she is pushing 30 so this is not a good sign. Schwartz then realizes this was a big mistake. He admits to us that he fears commitment.

Later, Lisa finds Katie alone and crying. She asks what’s wrong and Katie tells her about the RING ON A STRING. Lisa starts to cry with Katie. She asks Katie if Tom is worth waiting for. Lisa says that if he is, she should carry on waiting for him and if not, she needs to tell him what she wants. Katie confesses that she needs to stand up for herself. (This was a really cute talk between the two. You can tell Lisa really cares for Katie.)

JAX & CARMEN

“This is the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to. But it is also the first wedding I have ever been to,” says Jax.

Jax is at the wedding trying to get with Carmen, which is not working. He asks Carmen to dance but she is leaving. Jax is offended thinking Carmen would spend the night with him. Carmen makes it clear she never said she would stay with him. Once Carmen leaves we see Jax trying to pick up other girls and falling flat on his face:

“I am trying to spit game and garbage is coming out of my mouth,” he confesses.

At one point we see him flirting and joking around about “sealing the deal” with Lisa. (Awkward!)

STASSI & KRISTINA

Back in LA, Stassi and Kristina are hanging out. Kristina sees pictures of the wedding on social media so decides to show Stassi. Stassi is so excited to see the pictures:

“That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I have ever seen in my entire life,” Stassi says getting her first glimpse of Scheana on her wedding day.

Stassi tells us that it “puts a giant smile” on her face to see Scheana wearing a crop top wedding gown.

“It’s your wedding day, try not to look like a hooker today,” Stassi says again referring to Scheana.

She then goes on to comment on Lisa’s wedding garb, “Lisa is wearing a bondage gown and she looks hotter than me. It’s annoying.”

The two laugh about the matching tux’s Ken and Giggy wore to the wedding.

Stassi later says that Scheana’s reception looks “so beautiful”. Kristina asks if Stassi is sad that she is not there at the wedding with everyone. Stassi says no and laughs.

TOM SANDOVAL & ARIANA

You see Tom several times tearing up the dance floor. (It is hilarious.) Tom & Ariana lay pretty low this episode. The one notable thing that happened was this –

Tom says to his friends, “When I want to go on vacation, I just look into Ariana’s eyes.” (WHO SAYS THAT?! I died when I heard that.)

He goes on to say, “I’m f*&#ing in love with you,” to her.

She talks about this relationship being the closest she has ever been to wanting to get married.

KRISTEN & JAMES

James, upset about Kristen’s obsession with Tom, tells us, “I’m already butt-hurt about Kristen.”

So he decides, “I’m turning up.”

We see James having many drinks and getting drunk. Kristen looks completely annoyed with him. Max and James are sitting alone talking when they see Kristen leaving with her trainer.

James chases after her, “You treat me like a f*&^ing boy toy.”

He is yelling and getting close to her.

“Get out of her face,” the trainer yells at him.

James describes why he is so angry in the moment, “You don’t want to see your girlfriend walking away with a guy with a dumb face and a stupid beard.” (I got many laughs out of that.)

James finally tells Kristen, “We are done because you are in-manageable.” (Poor James. He doesn’t even know what he is saying.)

Kristen punches James in the face.

“You’re a slut,” He screams at her, walking away. “You’ve f&^@ed everybody at SUR!”

James gets back to the reception and walks straight up to Tom. He tells him about the punch.

“Don’t make excuses for her,” Tom says to him.

“I love her,” James tells him.

Tom says that he knows. He invites James to come hang out at his room after the reception and tells him that he is welcome to stay the night there.

 

In the end, the crew wakes up early to clean up. After the fight between Kristen and James the night before, Scheana says she will never invite Kristen to anything ever again. Katie realizes that if Stassi had her way, she would not be here with this group of people having so much fun. Lisa admits, “Scheana actually did it. She pulled off a princess wedding on a waitress salary.” Finally, we see the group pulling flowers out of the fountain together. “I’m having a beer and candy for breakfast. This is awesome.” Scheana says.

 

Next time on Vanderpump Rules – Jax tells Tom that Kristen is blowing his phone up daily to talk about Tom. Tom tells Jax to not discuss any of his business with Kristen. James is fed up with Kristen talking about Tom 24/7. Kristen denies that she talks about him. Kristen and Stassi are meeting up. Kristen wants to know how she can get Jax to tell on Tom (since Stassi got Jax to turn on Kristen last season). “So you need my help,” Stassi says in a menacing tone. (She loves to be in control.) We finally see Kristen crying to Scheana saying she doesn’t feel bad for Ariana because she was the reason Kristen and Tom broke up. (This episode looks amazing. Don’t they all?!)

Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Real Housewives of Beverly Hills– Season 5, Episode 12 – #RHOBH

Drama Queens

The episode starts with Kyle in her store in Beverly Hills with some of her gay friends who she is planning a mixer with. Her party planners come to meet with her and talk about what drinks they will have, an ice breaker game they will play and etc.

In Malibu, Yolanda and one of her employees are packing for her trip to Italy for husband, David Foster’s charity event. (This segment of the show is so uneventful. I like Yolanda but she is extremely boring and I wonder how she stays on the show. Probably because her model daughter, Gigi, is blowing up.)

Over at Villa Rosa, Lisa and Ken are looking at pictures of Max as a baby. Adopted son, Max, has come to Lisa asking to find out about his heritage. In this scene we see Lisa struggling with conflicted thoughts about Max finding out about his family background. She cries in the confessional as she talks about the fear that Max will leave to be with his birth parents but also wanting to be a good adoptive parent. Wanting to allow her son to be able to know more about his background. She doesn’t want to hold him back.

Next we see Brandi and Kim on a couch talking about the fight at Poker Night. This scene flashes back to portions of a conversation that Kim was having with Kyle the day before. Kim talks to Brandi, and Kyle the day before, explaining that she coughed and something snapped. She was in so much pain that she was taken to the hospital. Turns out Kim had a hernia and a cracked and fractured rib. She says she doesn’t remember everything that happened that night because her ex-husband gave her a pain pill so that she could go to the party.

Kyle says that she is not happy that Kim ruined her three years of sobriety but was happy that Kim was at least aware and acknowledging that she made a mistake.

Brandi said she knew that Kim was not right that night. She then tells Kim that it was not a good night for Kim, for herself or for Kyle. She talked about her and Kyle both drinking too much. Brandi then told Kim she was trying to protect her from her sister. (This is where things get weird. I almost feel like Brandi is trying to take advantage of Kim here. She is removing Kim from her strong family so that she can manipulate her into doing things Brandi needs.) Brandi continues to say, “You were better off with me than her.” Kim ends this scene by telling Brandi that she should go get her gay friend, Mark and the three of them should head to Kyle’s gay mixer to break the ice. Brandi agrees to go.

The party starts and everyone is there except Kim and un-invited Brandi. Everyone is having a great time playing a game in which you have the name of a famous person on your back and everyone has to give you hints until you guess who it is. Next thing you know, Kim walks in WITH BRANDI. “This is really akward. This is really weird. Brandi is here.” Kyle says with a look of surprise on her face. She let’s others around her know that she did not invite Brandi. Kim comes over to greet Kyle. Kim tells Kyle she thought inviting Brandi would be a good way to break the ice. Kyle says she was surprised and that Kim could have given her some sort of warning, like a text. Kyle tells Kim that she needs some time to gather her thoughts.

Kyle walks over to Brandi and Kim to say hello. Kyle is really being nice. She apologizes to Brandi for pushing her hand down but explains that she shouldn’t try to get between two sisters. Brandi says Kyle should never have touched her. Kyle again explains the situation and then they get into it.

Kyle explains that Brandi doesn’t know the four decades of history that goes into her relationship with Kim. Brandi responds by saying she accepts her apology but she does know the history between the two. Kyle reminds her that they have only been friends for six months so there is no way that is true.

Brandi, like last episode, again blames Kyle for not helping when she called about Kim one night. Kyle says if Brandi was such a good friend she wouldn’t announce this to everyone all the time, she would keep it to herself to protect Kim. Kyle asks Brandi to tell her what Kyle and Kim talk about if she knows so much about their relationship. Kim then gets angry because she feels like that is private material. (I am honestly so confused on why Kim is mad here.)

Finally Kyle has had it, “Are you out of your f***ing mind? How dare you have the balls to walk in here uninvited and talk to me like that!”

“You invited me and you invited Mark,” says a completely ignorant Brandi.

“When did I invite you?” Kyle says angrily.

Brandi talks about the time about a week ago when they were downtown in Kyle’s store with Lisa Rinna and she invited her. (Brandi, since then you have tried to get between the two sisters. You have infuriated and got into a physical fight with Kyle. I would say anyone with common sense would not show up after that.)

“I am sorry. I thought you were coming to be nice and I came to apologize.” Kyle says to Brandi.

Kim lashes out and tells Kyle she came over to start something.

Brandi goes off on Kyle. Gets in her face. Tells her to back up because she is the kind of girl who would fight her.

Kyle doesn’t understand why Kim is letting this go on with Brandi and she lets her know it. Kim can’t take it and says don’t put me in the middle of it and begins to cry. She sits down at a table, yelling back at Kyle. Kyle tries to talk to her and asks Brandi to leave. Brandi refuses and said she came with Kim and she is leaving with her.

“You’re not wanted.” Kyle says looking up at Brandi.

“Excuse me, neither are you. Ask your husband.” Brandi jabs back (like the piece of trash she is).

“Why are you doing this?” Kyle asks Kim. Kyle explains to Kim that they just spoke the day before about all of this.

Kim, not all there, responds, “It was this morning.”

“NO! IT WAS YESTERDAY!” Kyle screams back at her completely worried that her sister is not even aware of what day it is.

Kyle asks Kim if she is really going to let Brandi get between them. (After Kim said that Kyle was her best friend and no one could tear them apart just one day before this.)

“Ok Kim. F*** you!” Kyle storms out.

To be continued….

Next time – We see Kyle with Lisa V, Lisa R and Eileen in the aftermath of her fight with Brandi. Yolanda gives Brandi advice. Brandi lashes back (like the abuser she is) and brings up Bella’s DUI. And Kyle and Kim sit down to talk about the fight.

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

 

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 14 – #PumpRules

Judgement Day

In last night’s episode of Vanderpump Rules we all are dealing with the aftermath of Miami girl. The show starts at Villa Rosa, Lisa Vanderpump’s home (Yes, her home has a name. I wish my little apartment in the downtown trash section of Baltimore was so FAB!) Lisa is home with Ken as daughter, Pandora and son-in-law, Jason show up for Ken’s birthday. Adopted son and SUR employee, Max joins as well. They sit at a table and have dinner discussing Kristen. Lisa talks about having an allegiance to Kristen because she has worked there for seven years. (Come on Lisa, we know you hate Kristen. You have only kept her around because she is great television.) Pandora tells Lisa that she must make a decision. Max points out how different James has become since he has started dating Kristen.

Over at some pool-bar Kristen and James are hanging out with Jax and Carmen. Carmen tells Jax to slow down on the booze and a sensitive Jax takes offense to it. He tells her that some of the things she says to him are hurtful. Carmen gets real with him and reminds him of how many girls he talks to while they are together. Jax denies this and tells her to look through his phone. She won’t do it because she is somewhat normal and sane however, her insane pal, Kristen, jumps at the opportunity. Kristen takes the phone and almost instantly has a look of surprise on her face. Jax suddenly thinking, “Uh oh,” but in a way that seemed fake, like he wanted her to find something. Knowing Jax you immediately think it is something about a girl he is talking to as he tries to get the phone back saying, “Actually you shouldn’t be reading that.” This time it wasn’t another girl he was talking to, it was Tom Schwartz. (How convenient, outing Schwartz’s mistake to the craziest girl at SUR. What a nice BFF Jax is!) “Whoops,” he says.

At a bar in which the main entry is filled with hundreds of door knobs, we see Katie with the two Tom’s. Pull the right knob to get into the bar, Katie explains as Schwartz gets in with the first knob he pulls. They walk into the bar and sit down. Scheana and Shay follow shortly after. (Genius Scheana had a hard time getting in.) Tom Sandoval talks about how he has gotten no sleep recently because of the Miami girl incident. Scheana comes in being the Bridezilla she is, talking about her wedding. (We are all still annoyed that a girl who aided in breaking up someone else’s marriage, Scheana, is getting married to such a nice guy.) She tells us, “I am literally pulling off my dream wedding on a waitress budget.” (#Winning – Scheana no one cares.) While hanging out, Schwartz gets a text from Jax. Jax explains that Kristen went through his phone and read the texts about what he did while in Vegas. In fear that Katie will hear from someone else, anxiety-ridden Schwartz tells Katie he needs to talk to her and they leave the table. He explains that while in Vegas for a guy’s trip, he got drunk and made out with another girl. He said he was unsure of their relationship at the time. An obviously upset Katie is angry saying if she was unsure of the relationship she wouldn’t have gone and made out with another guy. She said it was not the right time to talk about this and heads back to the table without shedding a tear, even though you could see she wanted to. (Katie is really strong here and I commend her for keeping it to herself instead of starting a big drama at the table with everyone else.)

When Katie and Schwartz return home their dog is excited to see them but you can see a black cloud forming inside the apartment. Katie is upset and they talk about the situation. Tom apologizes for the timing. Katie explains that she lets him go on these trips and says, “I was over here sitting on the couch…”

Tom interrupts, “Motor-boating a D!”

(Silence.)

“I know. Bad joke,” Schwartz replies. (I am sorry but I lost it at that point. That is hilarious but if I were Katie I would have been livid.)

She asks if anything else happened saying if he doesn’t tell her now, she will eventually find out. Tom says there may have been touching but nothing else. He said he talked to the girl the next day via text and explained he was drunk, didn’t know what was happening and had a girlfriend. He asked her what happened and the girl said it was fine and that they only made out. Katie wanted to see the text but Schwartz had deleted them, just like Jax would have she implies.

The next day at SUR, Scheana is telling Ariana about Schwartz cheating. Ariana explains that Tom Sandoval has told her that Jax makes attempts to get Schwartz to cheat on Katie. Ariana said that Jax will get Schwartz drunk and then force his and a drunk girls head together trying to get them to kiss. (Jax is a total ass hole so I totally believe this.)

Curling her hair at James house, we see Kristen preparing for her first day back to work at SUR after the Miami girl incident a few days ago. She is talking to James worried, even though she is acting like she is not, about what may occur at work today.

Lisa walks in to SUR with Ken and sits down at a table with business partners Natalie and Guillermo, as well as Diana, the manager Kristen flipped out on last episode. They are about to meet with Kristen. Kristen comes into the meeting SO HOT as she says, “End of the table? How did I get so lucky?” (Why would you act like a sarcastic bitch coming into a meeting with all of your bosses after the way you treated a manager just days ago? …Because you are Kristen Doute.) At this point Lisa tells Ken and Guillermo they can leave and she will handle this. Natalie and Diana stay. Lisa says that she doesn’t care that Kristen orchestrated the situation with Miami girl, she cares that Kristen planned for it to go down in her restaurant. Kristen denies that she put the plan together. (No one in the world believes that.) Lisa goes on to say that not only did she make a scene that day with Miami girl but that she also disrespected a manager. Kristen explains, “ That was probably the best it could have gone!” (Really?! Telling your boss to, “Walk the f*** away,” and to, “S*** a d***,” was the best it could have gone?! Wow!) Kristen explained it wasn’t her fault because the girl reached out to her. Lisa then hits her with something that should have been done long ago, “Kristen you are fired from SUR restaurant.”

Kristen walks outs without saying anything to anyone. Jax is sitting outside and is surprised when he sees her walking out. His reaction to the firing, “This is a good change for Kristen to pick herself up, dust herself off and go f*** up someone else’s restaurant.” (Jax is an ass hole but I do love him because that is HILARIOUS!) We then see Tom Sandoval completely freaking out in his confessional with excitement about the firing. The cameras are then back in SUR where he tells Ariana. They then cut to a confessional of her as she dances and sings a little song. Two cooks in the back of SUR high five each other and laugh. Scheana (who I thought was her friend) dances around and Katie does too. Jax closes out the confessional celebrations with a slow clap. All happy about the move Lisa makes.

Now we are at Dylan’s Candy Bar where Scheana and Shay are with Tom Sandoval and Ariana. They are picking out pink, gold and white candy for their wedding. Scheana knows the owner and he is going to give them a discount. Scheana whines the entire time about Kristen. She worries Kristen’s behavior will ruin her wedding. (She needs to stop complaining about this, we have heard about it the five episodes. If you are worried, un-invite her ass so we don’t have to hear about it.)

Back at James’s, Kristen is sitting in bed in a dress texting Rachel who is coming over, while James pretends to make beats on his computer. Rachel shows up with champagne. Kristen says they are having a “retirement party” and explains that although worried about not having a job, today is all about “getting pissy on the crissy”. (Yeah!) Kristen tells Rachel about the firing and says that, “Lisa and SUR can suck it.”

Surprising to me, we see Katie and Christina (you know, the obnoxiously skinny one who is best friends with Stassi) out to eat. Katie tells her about Kristen’s firing. They also talk about Schwartz cheating and about Stassi but nothing new or important is said.

At the end of the episode Schwartz shows up at Jax’s house. Jax is sitting on the couch with a lit candle watching his mobile app on TV. Schwartz walks in and he sees Jax watching himself run in place on TV. Jax explains, “That’s me running from my ex-girlfriends.” (Oh Jax, you are so funny. Ha. Ha. HA. Lame.) At this point I don’t know if Schwartz is drunk or what, but he seems to have grown a set of balls as he goes off on Jax. “It takes a lot of courage to throw your best friends under the bus.” He explains that he has been hearing rumors about himself non-stop and that he knows Jax told Kristen. Jax responds, “I’m not sorry,” and explains this is not his fault. He says he is tired of being the “liar” and “cover-up” for everyone. Tom responds by telling Jax, “I bend over backwards for you,” during the entire San Diego fiasco. Schwartz says there has been a “pattern” of Jax trying to “sabotage” his relationship with Katie. He then says that Jax has even been trying to keep this Miami girl situation alive with Tom Sandoval. (Bro-code, dude!) And the show ends.

After the show, Bravo had an after show called Vanderpump Rules – Last Call with host, Aliya-Jasmine. (Who is Aliya-Jasmine you ask? Me too. So I looked her up. She is actually Aliya-Jasmine “AJ” Sovani and she is a television personality and producer. She has a popular blog called He Suits, He Scores and is an expert in all things pop culture and sports. Hm…sounds familiar…) She sat down first with Kristen, then with Tom and Ariana and lastly with Lisa Vanderpump. (As someone who loves this show I was excited to see this but it was actually rather boring.) Here are the takeaways:

  • Kristen still denies setting up the Miami girl situation – Kristen said she knew that Miami girl was coming to LA because Miami girl texted her asking to sit down and talk. She said that Miami girl wanted to confront Tom. Kristen told Miami girl that she would be at SUR that night with her friend Rachel to have drinks for Rachel’s birthday. She told Miami girl that she could stop by if she would like and she also told Miami girl that Tom would be working.
  • Jax carries around a fake black AMEX– Random VPR fact of the day. He does this to impress girls. (Jax we all know you are a bartender, calm down.)
  • The stars of the show really work at SUR – In case you didn’t already know this. (I have been to SUR several times and have seen everyone from the show working there. Except Jax and Ariana, I have not seen them yet.) Lisa, Tom and Ariana all talk about how accessible they are to fans of the show. Aliya asks if situations like the Miami girl one happen often at SUR. Lisa says no but that people come in to see the cast all the time. (Duh! I mean that is the entire reason I went to SUR. I was surprised that the food was decently priced and it was actually good, like REALLY good!) Lisa explains that this is the “nature of the beast” and that a lot of people come in excited to meet everyone because they love the cast. (That is what I have seen. Everytime I have been there people take pictures with them. I must say, they are all SUPER NICE about it. From my personal experience, in case anyone is wondering, Katie and Peter are both pretty quiet. Kristen looked so angry the time I was in there that I was afraid to approach her. Stassi was SUPER NICE and smiley and willing to take pictures with people, I actually REALLY liked her a lot, and she is SO skinny in person! But my favorite, Tom Sandoval. This kid made my entire trip to LA worth it as he talked my ear off about the show. I asked him question after question and he worked away behind the bar answering every question. He was so sweet, he was so kind and because of that he has turned into my favorite. In person Tom is exactly like he is in the show, but he is a good guy. I am happy for him that he is so happy with Ariana. Here is a pic of me and Tom at SUR: )

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  • Lisa believes Miami girl – Yes! I cannot believe that. She said that a girl wouldn’t fly across the country and publicly claim that she slept with a guy if she didn’t. (Lisa, are you forgetting there are crazy people in the world, like KRISTEN?! Miami girl could just be another crazy who just wants some TV time.) She said she wants to believe Tom but she doesn’t. She goes on to say that she thinks Ariana gives Tom a lot of passes.

Next week we get to finally see Scheana’s wedding. In true Scheana fashion, it looks as though she is being a diva about everything.

Until next time…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.