Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 19 – #PumpRules

The Reunion – Part 1

Last night was part one of the Vanderpump Rules Season 3 Reunion. The reunion was held by non-other than our favorite late night host and reality reunion extraordinaire, Andy Cohen. When the show begins you see Kristen and James, Katie and Schwartz, Lisa Vanderpump, Jax, Scheana, and Tom and Ariana. Here is what happened with each of the SUR couples and cast members:

Kristen and James

Welcome to your first reunion James! (Poor little guy.) He is definitely not the most popular here. He doesn’t say a single intelligent thing this reunion episode but does try to chime in with ridiculous statements  like, “Hot people like to f*#$ hot people.” (Sorry for the language, don’t kill the messenger! That is a direct quote. AND REALLY?! Who says that? Andy Cohen had a field day with that one.)

James tells us that it was hard to go through Kristen’s obsession with Sandoval but now she is 100% over him and they are madly in love. (Yeah right!) The only other part of the reunion that involved James was reliving the fight that he and Tom Sandoval got in at Scheana’s birthday party. Here we revisited one of my favorite parts of the show, the “Beamer-selfie” vs. “Honda Civic-selfie” moment.

Kristen, in the meantime, was getting killed by Tom, Ariana, Scheana and Jax. (Mainly Jax.) Jax cannot stand her any longer and is completely disgusted with her. He yells at her several times and makes faces anytime she speaks.

One person that can stand Kristen?! (This is a shocker!) Stassi! We find out that Stassi and Kristen actually talk and see eachother once in a while.

Katie and Tom Schwartz

Katie and Tom are doing really good. Tom is very quiet, not saying much this episode.

Katie, on the other hand, looks ABSOLUTELY STUNNING! She was the prettiest of the entire night. Her hair was done differently and longer. She looked gorgeous. (I want her hair!) Katie shows that she has grown so much. She stands up to Stassi face-to-face in this episode. She talks about being such a good friend to her and not getting the same respect. She also talks about how grateful she is for going to Miami with the gang. It really changed how she felt about her co-workers and she is really happy about that.

Jax

How miserable was this guy last night? Seriously! I usually love Jax because he is light and funny. He was MISERABLE. You could tell by the look on his face that he was just really not having a good time. There was a constant look of disgust on his face.

Andy Cohen questioned Jax about everything from dating Carmen, to dating Tiffany, to dating both at the same time. He asked about Jax’s relationship with John, if they had ever been together. Jax claims that he has never had a sexual relationship with John.

Jax was also attacked about his constant over exaggerations of events. He was also accused of hooking up with a girl in the bathroom of the hotel room Tiffany had got for him. He claimed she was throwing up and they did not hook up. Sandoval does not believe that.

Jax was most miserable last night because of Kristen. He told her several times to shut up and that he hated her. He was an absolute misery to watch.

Scheana

Honestly, the little SUR diva didn’t do much on the episode. She chimed in here and there but nothing notable happened with her this episode.

Tom Sandoval and Ariana

Tonight we found out that the couple has taken the next step in their relationship and they have moved in together! In the apartment Tom used to share with Kristen. (Awkward!) Sandoval and Ariana are both completely fed up with Kristen and her psychotic antics.

Tom is also fed up with  Jax lies but says they are still friends because Jax does nothing maliciously. He claims Jax is very insecure and that is why he does the things that he does. Lisa Vanderpump disagrees with Toms analysis of Jax and thinks that Jax just does not care about anyone but himself. Tom and Jax seem to still be friends.

Stassi

Yes! Stassi actually shows up to SUR for the reunion. It is her first time face-to-face with a lot of these people. (And she shows her true emotions — anxiety, nervousness — before heading into the reunion by chugging a miniature bottle of Fireball Whiskey.) She comes in wearing a hideous white dress with black checkered lines on it. It makes her appear bigger than she normally is. (Stassi you are so beautiful! WHY THAT DRESS?!)

So what was Stassi’s part in this reunion? She was the punching bag. The cast went HAM on this girl, and deservedly so. Katie told her that she is the most selfish person she has ever met. Ariana let Stassi know that the reason she gave her a hard time was because Stassi was a horrible friend to Katie. Tom Schwartz told Stassi to shut up. Jax on the other hand said he would always be there for Stassi no matter what.

Cast members called her out for acting like she was better than everyone else and for thinking they are all stupid. Stassi claimed that she never thought the cast was stupid. They all called her out for lying about that.

Andy Cohen asked Stassi why her boyfriend never appeared on the show. She responded that this was not him scene. The cast immediately began to mock her, responding, “Because he’s a real man!”

When asked about running from Jax, Stassi explained that she has a boyfriend so it is not right of her to hang out with her ex. She also said that Jax lies to hurt people and she doesn’t want to be a part of that any longer.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules… It is reunion, part 2! Stassi seems to continue to get beat up from the cast. And Tom looks like he is giving Katie a ring (NOT A RING ON A STRING?!) Is he going to ask her to marry him? Are they engaged? How did I not see this on Instagram? Maybe it is not true! Ah!

Until next week…

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 17 – #PumpRules

Jax Cracks

3 things we learned this week

1. Jax does not know how many days are in a year.

“One day out of the 364 days we have,” Jax says at the beginning of the episode talking about Kristen’s behavior at Scheana’s wedding.

We aren’t the only ones learning this. Tom Sandoval is also shocked, “I’m always learning new things about Jax. Today I learned that he doesn’t know how many days are in a year.”

2. Kristen, Carmen & Rachael got in a fight with a stripper.

As if Kristen’s life couldn’t get any worse, the three were out for a girls night when they got into a screaming match with a stripper. The stripper clocked Rachael in the face. Jax claims he was on the phone with Carmen while all of this went down. (Isn’t it weird that Jax’s two ex-girlfriends and a girl he slept with are all besties?! Weird!)

The problem with this story is that it may not be entirely true. During the airing of last night’s episode, Rachael called Jax out on Twitter:

3. Stassi still really wants to be part of SUR!

Although she claims that Katie was her last link to “those people” (her ex-friends that work at SUR), she is totally wrong. Stassi meets with Peter to gossip about what has been going on with the SUR crew. She is also overly interested in texts that she has been receiving from Kristen. (More to come on that.)

3 most important things that happened this week

(Forewarning, they all include a VERY mentally-ill Kristen Doute.)

1. Kristen and James get back together? I think.

A very depressed Kristen shows up to a restaurant to meet with James. (She looks horrible.) James blames himself for the punch saying he shouldn’t have gotten in her face. He tells her he loves her.

Kristen responds, “Our relationship is so tainted now because of that.” (Ok, but you are trying to get back together with Tom who cheated on you with Ariana and who you cheated on, with his best friend! But your new relationship is too tainted because of a drunken fight?! Ok, Kristen!)

James opens up and let’s Kristen know that he is insecure. “I have all these insecurities,” he says. “How do you not expect me to be insecure when you talk about him 24/7?” (He is talking about Tom Sandoval here, obvi.)

“I don’t talk about him 24/7,” a VERY delusional Kristen replies, clearly lying.

“You do,” James responds.

Kristen explains in the confessional that, “It’s not about being obsessed with Tom, it’s about being obsessed with honesty.” (REALLY?! SO IS THAT WHY YOU LIED ALL OF SEASON TWO ABOUT SLEEPING WITH JAX?!?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! IS THAT WHY YOU ARE TRYING TO BREAK ARIANA AND TOM UP?! BECAUSE YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH HONESTY?!?! I actually have been really patient with Kristen but I am about to lose it on her!)

In the end of this scene, the two make up and hug.  “I love you,” Kristen says.

(I do not know if they are technically back together here but I know they are together now, check her Twitter — @kristendoute — or Instagram — kristendoute — and you will see James everywhere!)

2. Kristen and Stassi have breakfast together.

This sounds totally crazy! Believe me, we all thought it was nuts, even Stassi.

While catching up with Peter, Stassi reveals that Kristen has been texting asking her to meet up for breakfast. “I’m curious,” a very excited-looking Stassi says.

“She is going to try to poison your mind,” Peter says in response.

“This will amuse and entertain me for an hour,” Stassi says. “I am really interested in what she has to say. She is, for sure, up to something.”

In the confessional Stassi explains, “Kristen is a car crash in slow motion and I’m so curious and need to watch it.”

“She always comes with bad news to share. I’m worried now that she’s going to tell me Sandoval murdered somebody.” Stassi later says.

Stassi agrees to breakfast with her ex-bestie. “This feels so awkward,” she admits.

Kristen tells Stassi that she is tired of being called a liar about the Tom-Miami girl cheating scandal. She says that Jax knows she is telling the truth because it was Jax who leaked the rumor when he was talking to Kristen in private one day.

The producers cut to a prior clip of Kristen and Jax talking. Jax tells Kristen, “Use all the facts. You don’t need me to say it.”

Kristen finally gives away the real reason these two frenemies are meeting up. “How do I get him to tell the truth?” She desperately asks Stassi. “No one knows how to get it out better than you.”

“So you need my help?” Stassi responds, totally scheming. She gives Kristen her best advice, “You have to have Scheana there because Scheana and him are like, weird besties and she will tell Ariana.” (Why is she giving her enemy tips? She loves the SUR drama even though she claims she does not.) “Push harder,” she says. “Keep pushing him because he loves to tell. He loves to gossip.” Kristen sits on the other side of the table avidly taking notes in her head.

Then Stassi drops a piece of advice that even shocked me: “I would really like you to consider letting it go.” (WHAT?!? IS THIS REALLY STASSI SPEAKING?! At first I thought, “Wow! This girl HAS come a long way! It is the SUR people who made her crazy.” Then I thought, “But why would she go through all of the advice-giving, tempting Kristen and then tell her not to?!” My best guess – she wants to look like she is above the drama but realistically, she wants this all to go down. If she didn’t want this to happen, she wouldn’t have said anything.)

In the confessional Stassi says that Kristen needs to, “Stop pointing out the flaws in others to make herself feel better.” She asks, “You lost your friends, your job, and maybe James. Is it worth it?”

Kristen says that it is worth it because the truth needs to be revealed.

Thinking back to the breakfast meeting with Kristen, Stassi says, “It’s like Kristen is trying to win the Pulitzer Prize for cheating journalism.”

3. Kristen cracks Jax.

Yes, she actually did it! Kristen plans dinner with Rachael, Scheana, Shay and Jax.

Scheana, the blind Bridezilla, thinks Kristen will apologize for the way she behaved at the wedding. (She is totally going to be blindsided. Scheana, don’t you know Kristen by now? She ALWAYS has ulterior motives.)

Jax knows what is coming but says that he had to agree to dinner with her because Kristen is like a “pit bull” and will continue to bother him about it until he agrees.

Kristin explains that everyone is f%&$ing around on each other and she is the one paying for it. (That is true to an extent. Jax and Tom were best friends. Jax slept with Tom’s girlfriend at the time, Kristen. Jax and Tom are still friends. Tom cheated on Kristen with Ariana. Ariana and Tom are now dating. Everyone is friendly with one another but not with Kristen. But honestly Kristen, did you think you and Ariana were going to become besties after the break-up? Did you think you and Tom would still be friends? Jax and Tom weren’t dating but you are Tom were.)

Kristen asks Jax if Sandoval slept with Miami Girl.

“Why is it my duty to let this out?” Jax asks. Jax looks like he is struggling and doesn’t know what to do.

“I think you should tell the truth,” Scheana says.

Jax FINALLY, after a full season of waiting, drops the bomb, “That girl was with Tom, in the room, having sex. She slept with him and had sex with him.”

Kristen smiles the most insane smile you have ever seen. (Like a crazy criminal who just got away with a horrific crime. It was honestly very disturbing, even for Kristen.)

“I don’t know if I believe everything.” Scheana says. “At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what I think. They are happy.”

Scheana and Shay are done with this conversation and decide to leave. Kristen goes APE SHIT because her plan is not going as she wanted it to. Scheana doesn’t believe the entire story and does not care. Kristen clearly wants Scheana to be appalled by it all and tell Ariana, ultimately breaking the couple up. Scheana breaks it to Kristen that she is not a good friend and that she makes it hard for Scheana to be friends with both her and Ariana. Kristen loses her mind!

“Can you imagine being me?” Kristen asks, crying explaining that Scheana’s bestie is the reason that her relationship with Tom is over.

Next time on Vanderpump Rules… IT IS THE FINALE!!!! (OMG!!! NO PUMP RULES FOR ANOTHER YEAR (IF IT EVEN COMES BACK)!!! I WILL DIE!!!!) In the final episode of season three we see the employees of SUR posing at a photo shoot for the restaurants 10th anniversary. Tom Schwartz is in therapy because he’s afraid of marriage. (Wah!) Scheana confronts Sandoval about the cheating scandal. While at SUR, Lisa encourages Stassi to make up with Katie. Jax walks in soon after the conversation, Stassi panics and leaves. Katie isn’t sure about Toms level of commitment to this relationship and acts like she wants to break up (SPOILER ALERT: They are still together, check her Twitter and Instagram!)

Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.

Reality Recap – Vanderpump Rules – Season 3, Episode 16 – #PumpRules

Ring on a String

We pick back up on this week at Scheana’s wedding. Kristen is crying tears of joy, the cast gets a picture with the married couple, Scheana is explaining to Lisa why it took her so long to walk down the aisle. Here is what happens with each couple during the reception:

SCHEANA & SHAY

Scheana brags about her life to the camera, “I have a husband. None of my friends have a husband. That’s awesome!”

Back at the wedding, Scheana is freaking the f*&# out because the DJ is mistiming her walk out song with Shay. She is yelling at her wedding planner and refuses to go out.

“The whole reception is f*$%ed,” she screams.

She makes the DJ stop the song he is playing and re-start it because she is suppose to come in at 24 seconds. (Geez, get it right!) Once they finally walk out Scheana does a good job putting on a fake happy smile for the crowd.

A really sweet Shay looks at his wife, “I love you so much. This is insane.”

Scheana makes an announcement to all of her guests. No drinks on the dance floor. She doesn’t want anyone to “break their teeth” on a slippery floor. She has a bad experience with that in the past. (SO that is how she chipped her tooth last season. She was so emotional about that tooth that she blocked me on Twitter after I made fun of her for it. Calm down girl, your teeth are fine.)

Later, we see Scheana being the Bridezilla she is. She is bitching out her wedding planner:

“All the songs I wanted to dance to already played.” (Wahhh!)

She screams at this poor woman about tossing the bouquet, cutting the cake and doing a dollar dance. Scheana says if these things do not get done within the next five minutes, she will grab the microphone and do it all herself. (I would have loved to see that.)

In the end, Ariana calms Scheana down and tells her no one knows things are not going as planned.

“To everyone else, this has been an amazing night.”

Ariana tells Scheana that she loves her and gives her a hug. Ariana asks Scheana to dance and the two run off to the dance floor. Scheana ends up having an amazing time. (Thank God Ariana has great crisis intervention skills. You may have a career in therapy, my friend!)

LISA & KEN

Kristen sees Lisa and Ken and decides to say hello. Ken ignores her and walks away. Lisa stays and talks to her. They both confront one another about things that have happened. Kristen looks miserable but is faking that she is really happy.

“You just don’t like me,” Kristen says to Lisa.

Although it sounds interesting, nothing really happens here. The two go back and forth for a little while and finally Kristen hugs Lisa and they go their separate ways.

PETER & VAIL

Very boring and totally predictable — Vail is flirting with Peter sending him all the wrong signals. She doesn’t want to date him but admits that she flirts with him and that the flirting will not stop. (So histrionic of her.)

Katie & Schwartz

Schwartz says that while watching the wedding he was thinking that he could see himself up on that stage, getting married. He sits at the table with Katie discussing the type of music they would want played at their wedding. Tom takes Katie to a private area and says he wants to talk to her. He apologizes for being a jerk. He pulls out a little box and opens it up. It is a RING ON A STRING! Poor Katie, she starts to cry. She confesses to us all that they have been dating for four years and she is pushing 30 so this is not a good sign. Schwartz then realizes this was a big mistake. He admits to us that he fears commitment.

Later, Lisa finds Katie alone and crying. She asks what’s wrong and Katie tells her about the RING ON A STRING. Lisa starts to cry with Katie. She asks Katie if Tom is worth waiting for. Lisa says that if he is, she should carry on waiting for him and if not, she needs to tell him what she wants. Katie confesses that she needs to stand up for herself. (This was a really cute talk between the two. You can tell Lisa really cares for Katie.)

JAX & CARMEN

“This is the nicest wedding I’ve ever been to. But it is also the first wedding I have ever been to,” says Jax.

Jax is at the wedding trying to get with Carmen, which is not working. He asks Carmen to dance but she is leaving. Jax is offended thinking Carmen would spend the night with him. Carmen makes it clear she never said she would stay with him. Once Carmen leaves we see Jax trying to pick up other girls and falling flat on his face:

“I am trying to spit game and garbage is coming out of my mouth,” he confesses.

At one point we see him flirting and joking around about “sealing the deal” with Lisa. (Awkward!)

STASSI & KRISTINA

Back in LA, Stassi and Kristina are hanging out. Kristina sees pictures of the wedding on social media so decides to show Stassi. Stassi is so excited to see the pictures:

“That is the ugliest effing wedding dress I have ever seen in my entire life,” Stassi says getting her first glimpse of Scheana on her wedding day.

Stassi tells us that it “puts a giant smile” on her face to see Scheana wearing a crop top wedding gown.

“It’s your wedding day, try not to look like a hooker today,” Stassi says again referring to Scheana.

She then goes on to comment on Lisa’s wedding garb, “Lisa is wearing a bondage gown and she looks hotter than me. It’s annoying.”

The two laugh about the matching tux’s Ken and Giggy wore to the wedding.

Stassi later says that Scheana’s reception looks “so beautiful”. Kristina asks if Stassi is sad that she is not there at the wedding with everyone. Stassi says no and laughs.

TOM SANDOVAL & ARIANA

You see Tom several times tearing up the dance floor. (It is hilarious.) Tom & Ariana lay pretty low this episode. The one notable thing that happened was this –

Tom says to his friends, “When I want to go on vacation, I just look into Ariana’s eyes.” (WHO SAYS THAT?! I died when I heard that.)

He goes on to say, “I’m f*&#ing in love with you,” to her.

She talks about this relationship being the closest she has ever been to wanting to get married.

KRISTEN & JAMES

James, upset about Kristen’s obsession with Tom, tells us, “I’m already butt-hurt about Kristen.”

So he decides, “I’m turning up.”

We see James having many drinks and getting drunk. Kristen looks completely annoyed with him. Max and James are sitting alone talking when they see Kristen leaving with her trainer.

James chases after her, “You treat me like a f*&^ing boy toy.”

He is yelling and getting close to her.

“Get out of her face,” the trainer yells at him.

James describes why he is so angry in the moment, “You don’t want to see your girlfriend walking away with a guy with a dumb face and a stupid beard.” (I got many laughs out of that.)

James finally tells Kristen, “We are done because you are in-manageable.” (Poor James. He doesn’t even know what he is saying.)

Kristen punches James in the face.

“You’re a slut,” He screams at her, walking away. “You’ve f&^@ed everybody at SUR!”

James gets back to the reception and walks straight up to Tom. He tells him about the punch.

“Don’t make excuses for her,” Tom says to him.

“I love her,” James tells him.

Tom says that he knows. He invites James to come hang out at his room after the reception and tells him that he is welcome to stay the night there.

 

In the end, the crew wakes up early to clean up. After the fight between Kristen and James the night before, Scheana says she will never invite Kristen to anything ever again. Katie realizes that if Stassi had her way, she would not be here with this group of people having so much fun. Lisa admits, “Scheana actually did it. She pulled off a princess wedding on a waitress salary.” Finally, we see the group pulling flowers out of the fountain together. “I’m having a beer and candy for breakfast. This is awesome.” Scheana says.

 

Next time on Vanderpump Rules – Jax tells Tom that Kristen is blowing his phone up daily to talk about Tom. Tom tells Jax to not discuss any of his business with Kristen. James is fed up with Kristen talking about Tom 24/7. Kristen denies that she talks about him. Kristen and Stassi are meeting up. Kristen wants to know how she can get Jax to tell on Tom (since Stassi got Jax to turn on Kristen last season). “So you need my help,” Stassi says in a menacing tone. (She loves to be in control.) We finally see Kristen crying to Scheana saying she doesn’t feel bad for Ariana because she was the reason Kristen and Tom broke up. (This episode looks amazing. Don’t they all?!)

Until next week!

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Jessie Zahner is the owner of Athletchic.com. You can follow her on Instagram (Athletchic) or on Twitter at @Athletchic.