I’m-not-crazy Lace beats out Mad-Hatter Mindy for the Bachelorette more likely to play Lorena Bobbitt in a lifetime Movie.
After seven days, Athletchic was still scratching her head and wondering how these two girls made it to day two. Ben picked them last in episode one, reviving rumors that the Bachelor really only gets to pick 18 out of 20 girls and the producers pick 2.
Here’s what happened Monday night:
Back-to-School Group Date
Ben picks Jackie, LB, Becca (yippee), Lauren H, Three’s-the-charm Amber, Mad-hatter Mindy, G-I Jubilee, Jennifer and, take a deep breath, Looney Lace who says this will be her opportunity to prove she’s not crazy (not).
The girls compete at a school to be the Home Coming Queen. First, they must complete a project to make a volcano erupt. G-I Jubilee gets stuck partnering with Lace and loses. The rest move on to a bob-for-apples competition (lame) where Jackie and Jennifer are knocked out of the games.
The others move to a geography test. Becca and Jojo put Ohio on the map sideways (embarrassing) and they are out. The final four shoot hoops. Mindy and Amber win but have to race each other on the track, jumping hurdles. Amber talks it up but Mindy beats her and then drives around the field in a convertible with a homecoming crown and Ben. (Weird.)
On the evening date, the girls fight for time with Ben.
Becca takes Ben aside and shoots some hoops (nothing but net), but he doesn’t kiss her. He kisses Jennifer on her alone time. LACE steals him away during Mad Mindy’s alone time and says she isn’t crazy but afterwards says they were staring so intensely at each other that they were eye F’ing (crazy). Fortunately, Jubilee steals Ben away, tells him she was born in Haiti, spent her first years in an orphanage. They hug. He kisses her, but we think she’s more into it than him.
Lace goes off the deep end (Apparently she’s forgotten that she’s not F’ing crazy.) and steals him away again to tell him that she’s not crazy. The girls have a fit. Ben takes Jojo for a walk, says he likes her and then kisses her (all-in) on the top of a building with the lights of LA romantically glowing in the background.
He gives the rose to Jojo. Jubilee cries. I’m-not-crazy Lace gets crazy and we all move on to:
The First One-on-One Date
Newsy says she will be surprised if she doesn’t get the first one-on-one date. Surprise!
The date goes to Caila. But before they leave, Ice Cube and Kevin Heart show up to “Ride Along” and the four embark on an LA adventure that has everyone wondering how anything could ever get done with Heart in tow. He even shows up in the hot tub with Ben and Caila—naked! But mercifully leaves them before the evening date where the two head to a quiet dinner, and Caila hits an absolute home run with Ben (Athletchic, too). He gives her the rose, they walk off, see their names on a Theater Marquee, go inside and Amos Lee gives them a private concert. Clearly this chic is going to give Becca a run for her money.
The Five-blondes-and-a-Russian Group Date
Passed-the-bar-exam Sam, Newsy, the twins, Amanda and Shashana take off to a scientific love research lab to determine who is the most compatible with Ben.
They flash pictures in front of each girl and study them. Blindfold Ben and have him smell them (yep) and then go into a room individually and touch Ben while the other Bachelorettes watch their colored energy on a screen. Olivia wants to kiss Ben while she is there, but Ben’s not having it. Says he won’t kiss her in front of everyone. (You gotta love this guy.) The lowest score, most incompatible, goes to Bar-exam Sam, who Ben said smelled sour. Her score was 2.4 of 10. Newsy Olivia earns the most compatible score of 7.5 but loses face with the other women.
She says she was confident that it would turn out that way and laughs out a “Winning” that makes viewers sorry they ever liked her. On the evening date, Ben talks to her first. They kiss. She goes back to the other girls. Won’t tell anything. And the girls think she thinks she’s high and mighty.One twin talks to Ben. He smells Jojo again and tries to make her feel better by saying she smells like passion fruit and, miraculously, Shashana talks to him fluently in English. Amanda tells Ben about her two little girls. Ben takes it well. Says kids don’t scare him and kisses her.
But he gives the rose to Olivia. The other girls get mad. Amanda cries and wonders if this is worth being away from her girls. And we are on to the Rose Ceremony.
The Rose Ceremony
Newsy Olivia pisses everyone off when she takes Ben away even though she already has a rose. Lace says she’s not crazy but takes Ben away at least twice, maybe three times, and then steals Newsy away for a conversation that we heard but still aren’t sure what it was about.
Then Bachelor Ben shows his true colors. He steals Amanda away and sits gluing little flowers on little barrettes for Amanda’s daughters, reminding us how much we like him.
And the roses go to Amanda (glad he picked her first), G-I Jubilee, Lauren B, Hiked-the-football Leah, BECCA , Can’t-remember-anything-about-her Rachel, I’m-not-crazy-Lace (really?),LB—but wait—she wants to talk to him.
She takes him out of the room and tells him she just can’t do this. It’s too hard. He walks her out to the car and you spot glimpses of I-m-not-lovable Ben.
Once back, Ben hands out the remaining roses to—Jennifer, Twin Emily, Jaime the bartender (w-what? not twin number two?), Lauren H, Shashana, Twin Hayley (phew-that would have lowered his notch) and Third-time’s-the-charm Amber.
And we waived good bye to Mad Mindy (one down, one to go), Jackie and Passed-the-bar-exam Sam.
Boring overall, but Bachelor Live afterwards spiced it up by bringing in Chris Jenner, who is a Bachelor fan. She is down-to-earth, smart, kind and a joy to watch. She sits alongside Chris Soules (we still can’t figure out why he is hanging around), answers questions and gives advice kindly to Newsy Olivia by saying she may want to tone it down a bit.
Later, Jimmy Kimmel wonders if Ben was afraid NOT to pick I’m-not-crazy Lace and Athletchic yawns and turns the DVR on to watch Vanderpump Rules. Next week has got to be better.
Cyndie Zahner is a freelance writer and The Bachelor addict. Follow her on Twitter @Tweetyz or on Instagram @athletchicz.