Athletchics Don’t Care How Tom Likes His Balls

People across the world are being beheaded. Global warming is eating away at the earth’s atmosphere. Governments are being overthrown. But here in this great land of opportunity, we are talking balls.

Eight days have passed, and we still don’t know if Tom Brady likes to play with soft balls or hard balls. Even Coach Bill Belichick doesn’t know. (And Gisele’s not talking.) Belichick said he doesn’t handle Brady’s balls and deferred questions to the great quarterback himself who laughed mostly. So the topic has been debated, investigated, tweeted, re-tweeted and rolled around like Chinese boading balls until we’re blue. Every critic–not just sports critics–has weighed in on the subject. And the consensus? They say they like playing with softer balls because, well, you can handle them better.


Personally, at, we’re tired of all the ball bickering. We believe it’s just the big green monster rearing its ugly head. Fans of inflated-ball teams are desperate. People like rooting for the underdog and when the Patriots bring their balls to mid-field, there’s a good chance the underdog’s balls aren’t going to measure up (or down if you will). The Patriots have gone to the Super Bowl seven times since ’86. Ok they’ve only won three times, but they’ve got something else going against them. It’s been really rough trying to rouse dirt on Tom Brady. He’s sort of the Mother Teresa of American football.

So the debate continues for mere lack of a better jab. And men can’t stop talking about it, because almost since they could stand they’ve had a fascination with their balls. This is no different. We can only see one small difference–and it’s a stretch. For the first time in football history, the word deflated was used in the same sentence as male athlete.

“In an attempt to inflate their egos, the male athlete had deflated his balls.” Is that an oxymoron? votes to stop all the Patriot ball-bashing. We don’t care if the balls are hard or soft, we know it’s really the big guy in the middle of it all that counts. If he is strong, hardy and can last lustily through four quarters, then we are happy. And Tom Brady can do that. (Get your mind out of the  gutter, girl, who did you think we were talking about?)

Guys and  their balls–some like ’em hard and some like ’em soft–’nuff said.

_________________________________________________________________________ Cyndie Zahner is a free lance writer. Follow her on Twitter at @tweetyz or on Instagram as athletchicz.

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